@David-R man you should talk about it with your girl in person if situation allows with cool minds(making her comfortable enough to open up on her situation)
You shouldn't reach a direct conclusion. Relationships are very complicated easy to break but very difficult to make again
Just Looking for a little emotional support/perspective
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@Dang-girl I've found in my experience that that and many other barriers (defensiveness, misunderstanding, catastrophizing, mindreading, name calling, etc) to good communication grow and shrink in severity in congruence with the intensity of unmoderated emotion being experienced by the barrier producing party.
I've experienced it both as the offending party - producing those barriers.. the more emotional and unchecked I am the more likely I am to create obstacles and as a receiver of said obstacles
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Well @somedumbguy, I resonate a lot with your story, although mine had a very different outcome given I wasn't as wise as you since I was younger and prideful. But the thing I feel would maybe help you better cope with this feeling of betrayal and misunderstanding is that when people tend to be super defensive and see everything as a possible attack often means they are dealing with a lot of suppressed guilt and shame. I dont know the story of your sister in law, and its not even necessary. What you said, given that you sounded honest and sincere, sound like someone having to deal with a person that is somewhat lost in their own fantasies and insecurities, and cannot handle the slightest sign of criticism and antagonism, since she might be dealing with that inside her own head 24. This has proven true in my case, and I do not resent my sister in law or my brother, since I know they are plagued by guilt in general. Projection of expectations.
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@Thales_BG Thanks for the message good sir. Relationships are rough. I've found myself pitching the "how to deal with someone with dementia argument" to friends quite often... and I'm exercising it a bit with my sis-in-law now.
Basic idea is that in some instances it's easier to just go along with whatever you're getting from the other side of whatever interaction "Yea Bob those selfish aliens sure do seem to like stealing all of your mayonnaise!" Instead of "What are you talking about!? John took the mayo. He's standing over there with it in his hand!!" Even though you may be right, in instances where the other party cannot handle criticism or their delusions being exposed... your correction serves only to further alienate the other party - which pushes you both away from having a productive interaction.
People are complicated. It's funny. Although she can be a whole set of things that drive me nuts when she's feeling on edge/anxious/stressed when she's not in that state we get along just fine, sharing giggles over nonverbal exchanges, collectively teasing my brother, or laughing at ourselves for stupid/silly things we do. I suppose it is what is is for now and that's fine.
I don't know if she has any guilt in the mix of whatever is going on inside of her emotionally, from what little we've touched on it sounds like she holds onto to some resentment towards me from over a decade ago. Perceived slights from things said and done that were interpreted very negatively - interpretations that are a far cry from my actual intentions or actual meaning. Seems the book is closed on those things on her side - no space to discuss or form new understandings - I am whatever she's judged me to be based on her interpretation of those events.. I get no say.
I also challenge myself to hold no resent towards her, although I certainly do fail in moments :)
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@Thales_BG Thanks for the message good sir. Relationships are rough. I've found myself pitching the "how to deal with someone with dementia argument" to friends quite often... and I'm exercising it a bit with my sis-in-law now.
Basic idea is that in some instances it's easier to just go along with whatever you're getting from the other side of whatever interaction "Yea Bob those selfish aliens sure do seem to like stealing all of your mayonnaise!" Instead of "What are you talking about!? John took the mayo. He's standing over there with it in his hand!!" Even though you may be right, in instances where the other party cannot handle criticism or their delusions being exposed... your correction serves only to further alienate the other party - which pushes you both away from having a productive interaction.
People are complicated. It's funny. Although she can be a whole set of things that drive me nuts when she's feeling on edge/anxious/stressed when she's not in that state we get along just fine, sharing giggles over nonverbal exchanges, collectively teasing my brother, or laughing at ourselves for stupid/silly things we do. I suppose it is what is is for now and that's fine.
I don't know if she has any guilt in the mix of whatever is going on inside of her emotionally, from what little we've touched on it sounds like she holds onto to some resentment towards me from over a decade ago. Perceived slights from things said and done that were interpreted very negatively - interpretations that are a far cry from my actual intentions or actual meaning. Seems the book is closed on those things on her side - no space to discuss or form new understandings - I am whatever she's judged me to be based on her interpretation of those events.. I get no say.
I also challenge myself to hold no resent towards her, although I certainly do fail in moments 🙂
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I like... have almost figured out how to navigate posting/replying properly :dog:
