i need help with overthinking. i'm having trouble in my relationship because of my insecurities. can anyone help me please. I feel no meaning in my life.

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Marriage feels over, but I feel stuck and lost
Relationships

TTrex1983 6 days ago
I've been with my wife for 19 years, married for 15 of those... on the whole I felt like we had an amazing relationship. She was my lover, but also my best friend, my soul mate, loving parent to our 4 cheeky children. We were on the same page on everything, and I felt like we could talk to each other about anything and everything.

Mid-COVID one of those conversations was about sexuality, and spicing things up. She wanted to try with other men involved, and she was curious what it would be like with other women involved - but quite strictly for her benefit, not mine. I like to think I'm quite open minded, so we joined a community and tried a few scenarios - not very successful... not like we went wow, this is for us, or anything like that.

From that, one guy that we met she started calling and messaging in private, kept everything to herself. She was falling for him to the point where she was ready to leave me for him... until... she realised he was gaslighting her, and it turned out he had a partner. It turned out things weren't as she thought they were. She broke things off, and at this told me all about it... I'd been completely unaware up to that point.

This was hard for me, but I loved her - I still do, and wanted to work through this. She didn't know what she wanted from here, but were to work things through and try to make it work.

From this point, the sex started to go downhill, we went from active most nights, to very inactive to now being sexless for the last few months. She's got a few health issues, both physically and mentally, so I'd put the drop down to these. Rightly or wrongly though I got suspicious, and found messages in her Facebook account to a guy, and the messages come across that she's throwing herself at him. I can't see replies from him, but from her messages, something happened between them, I just don't know what. A week ago she asked me at the dinner table with our kids if she could go to Paris by herself tomorrow... my response at the time was "We can't afford it" but I was later to find out in these messages that she'd asked this guy to go to Paris with her.

I like to think that I'm a helpful and supportive husband, I work my ass off, do as much as if not more of the childcare, and try to help with housework. She works less hours than I do, and is regularly out getting her hair or her nails done, or shopping.

I feel like I can't continue with this anymore... I wanted to try, but how many times can this happen and can I be put through this? I'm so low, I've lost all energy to fight for my wife, and my life. I'm lost and stuck. I don't have any friends to talk to - my friends went years ago when friends became our friends, my parents passed away before I reached 30, and I'm scared (as I hear so many times) that separating/divorce is going to leave her with the house, the kids everything. I'm left feeling like I have nothing worth living for and that I'm only here right now so that my kids aren't upset with the fact of losing me.

The common advice is to talk to her about it, but she doesn't want to talk about any of it, and just gets angry with me. I don't know where to turn, or what to do.

I'm here, just looking for someone to talk to, hopefully people that have been in the same situation, and how it worked out... lessons learnt... outcomes... positive and negative.

Aryan MhatreAryan Mhatre 6 days ago
Feeling sorry for you man......she isn't worth it

Peek_A_BooPeek_A_Boo 6 days ago
Im sorry that you have to experience such, she has likely lost interest which sucks these days as more and more women become materialistic and give up gems like yourself for dumb rocks , it seems like both minds are made up just a hard reality of coming out on terms before she goes a step further.

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@Trex1983 damn. What you are going through is a little different from my situation, but your pain feels so much like mine. I have no advice, because I came here for the same reason. It's so hard when kids are involved.. and hanging on to the feelings of love and closeness that you used to have. It's just so damn hard.

Life is too big for a lonely person, find new love, there is no way out obviously you need someone better.

I am sorry to hear about this.But I still believe communication is very important. In the years you have both being together, is there a particular person he respect his views,you can start from there if you have try communicating with him initially. Please do not stress yourself for your mental health.

@TM sure

@BT2961 Hello! Which country are you from? I am sure most countries have some sort of Government Assistance program especially when children are involved. I know the US has their welfare program for Adults with children which provides funds for housing and food and medical insurance. Good luck to you!

I would say that first of all, see whether she is starting to like you or not( if she's being flirty or clingy, etc). If yes and you are sure, then confess her right away. No point in delaying if both sides feel the same. but if you aren't sure about her feelings, then take it slow because if you confess right away she might think that you are one of those creeps wanting to be with every woman they meet. Talk to her for at least 1-2 months(get to know her more as well), and keep giving her signs from time to time about how you feel for her. If she asks you herself then say it right away, otherwise look for the perfect moment to confess. As to how to approach her, tbh I think that the best is to say it simply and straight instead of getting too creative that it becomes cringe. hope you get with her x

@AllAboutGay 😅

you want someone to listen to you, i am here .. i will listen .. text me whenever you feel like sharing something

I can chat..if you need a shoulder

@David-R man you should talk about it with your girl in person if situation allows with cool minds(making her comfortable enough to open up on her situation)
You shouldn't reach a direct conclusion. Relationships are very complicated easy to break but very difficult to make again

@Woman143
Sorry that happened to you. Scammers and manipulators are the worst. I am easy to trust also. There are people that just spend their days trying to get money out of those that have a good heart. It happens to more people than is reported. When I was in a similar situation and they tried to extort money from me. I told them he’ll no. So they sent nudes to all my relatives. So my whole family saw the most private part of me. Don’t trust anyone if there are any red flags. Especially online. I’ve been proposed to by a scammer. They really do their homework also. Be careful. And to get even just tell everyone he knows how he has to mooch money off of you. Trust me nothing hurts a man’s ego like not being able to care for themselves and their loved ones.
Good luck.

If she dosnt have you already , as sad is it is to say she has made uo her mind already and your a backup.

Cut loose and look for the one who dosnt make you feel that way and is 100% sure about you.

You deserve that!

I personally see that when a guy chooses a girl to be his partner he should be loyal and honest with everything he do .. so I don't like or support what he did . My advice is to confront him and be decisive .

Congratulations mr.Laboratory you have succesfully made it into our 1st team 😍😍.. now go sit on the bench plz 😏. You don't respect your value enough my friend just like the lyrics writer of this song called " Creepin" I listened to lately from a gay called conor maynard let me copy some of the lyrics here : Somebody said they saw you
THE PERSON YOU WERE KISSING WASN'T ME
AND I WOULD NEVER ASK YOU!!!!!!!!!, I just kept it to myself
I DON'T WANNA KNOW, IF YOU'RE PLAYING ME
KEEP IT ON THE LOW
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if you creeping, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know. DON'T ALLOW ANY GIRL ON EARTH NO MATTER HOW SEXY , NICE , RICH , BITCH , LOVELY , CUDDLY , HUBBLY BUBBLY , CUTE , MUTE ETC TO TREAT YOU AS AN EXPERIMENT AND SHORT TERM PROJECT AND PLAY WITH UR FEELINGS AND YOUR TAKE YOUR TIME AND MONEY . THE GIRL THAT WANTS YOU SHE CAN'T IMAGINE HER LIFE WITHOUT U SHE WON'T PUT U IN AN " OTHER OPTION ZONE " CZ IF YOU ARE NOT THE OPTION AND THE ZONE, THEN YOU DESERVE TO GO FUCK YOURSELF AND FEEL PAIN IN THE ARSE .

@elle2022 this is my advice, when you like someone / fall in love that person, just be straightforward and tell that person. You perhaps dealing with broken heart when you expect a good answer / yes button but the reality does not give you good answers. It is better to have that, rather than you pretend to be OK but your heart is not OK :)

I wish you have a good companion and a new person who can make you happy, in every situations you have.

Meanwhile there's a dude out there chocking his chicken.

Yes there are.

U r lisamini

Take comfort in that you are experiencing an almost identical situation to mine. I'd love to talk to someone who will completely understand what I'm going through. If you see this please contact me, maybe we can help each other through it.

He got tired of your games. Plain and simple.

When you think a lot about something, the ropes of ideas begin to connect almost randomly. All you have to do is connect the intellectual threads with each other without complicating them so that they do not break. On the other hand, you have to set a fixed model intellectual base on which to base the rest of the ideas and try to cover all possible possibilities without ignoring or indulging .. Because most emotional shocks are caused by not expecting an event or a possible outcome to happen.

Try understanding urself better thats all .

@cooky9 yes I get it...you words are true. Right now I do want to have a relationship with him but because ghosted me for few days and came back I see this as a red flag. I had posted a picture 1 week back and he replied to it by saying Hot. I again found it a bit weird