• I'm a 20 year old girl in relationship with a boy of my age for 2.5 years. It's a long distance relationship. We meet like 3-4 months once like for one day meeting. We also get intimate (no sex) but oral and things. He's the sweetest person one could ever see and I just love him a lot. He loves me too. But I have one bad habit of always shouting and getting mad on him for very trivial and small reasons. I get mad if he talks to another girl, or if he doesn't talk / chat with me for a long time(like 4-5 hours he watches movies/studying and doesn't message me), if he wears shorts and post pictures in it( I don't like him showing off his legs to others only I should see it), if he doesn't listen to me, if he doesn't sexchat when I need it. And other stupid reasons. He's the most open boyfriend and he tells me everything. He's the most loyal. We are in relationship for 2.5 years. Starting time, I used to be so kind and lovely to him. But nowadays I get angry for stupid stuff. I feel I'm torturing him too much. We fight now almost every other day. Though I quarrel with him for these things he never gets angry back to me. I ve tried so many times to change my attitude and behaviour to him. But this bad attitude keeps on taking over me. I really feel bad for him for being in a toxic relationship with me. I'm so madly addicted to him that I cant concentrate on my studies too if I get mad on him. Please don't tell me to break up. I can never lose a guy like him. Please give advice on how to change my mindset and give him some space and keep him happy. Pls help :(

  • @ayrp It's very positive that you are aware of your issues. It sounds as though you have an amazing guy who really appreciates you, and you need to work on accepting that. I wonder if your actions come from some sort or fear or insecurity?

    Have you ever tried mindfulness? That might help. You need to get this under control soon as the last thing you want is to be so unhealthy that your boyfriend starts resenting you. That would not lead anywhere good. Well done for reaching out for advice, that is a hugely encouraging sign. If you want to change, you'll need a lot of determination.

    I suggest that when you next talk with him you mention this, apologise for how you've been with him. Communication is the foundation of any strong and lasting relationship, and you need to trust and understand each other. Tell him exactly what you have posted here. If saying it is too hard, write it to him. Then look at each of the problems and tackle them one by one. For example, you mention the way you are when he wears shorts and posts pictures. You're aware your reaction is toxic and inappropriate. You could start with that. Allow yourself to become more accepting and understanding. They are just legs after all - when the weather is warm would you prefer your boyfriend to get hot and feel uncomfortable? To not get the vitamin D he needs from the sun? If you had a female friend whose partner would react poorly if she wore a skirt, would you think that logical and right or would you think your friend should be able to wear what she wants and the guy aas being an asshat for trying to control her? I think that when so many people in relationships are so ready to flirt/sext/share intimate pics or even cheat, if the only body part of your boyfriend's you have to worry about someone else seeing is his legs you have landed extremely lucky. What you would do if the two of you ever went to the beach or swimming or such?

    Much behaviour is a choice, even when it is extremely hard. You want to change for the better, and I believe you can. Stick to it, because it will be worth it. You will both be far happier in the long run. Best of luck to you.

  • First thank you so much for reading this big message and replying in much detail. Yes, Ur right. I'll tell him what I've told here and talk to him more. I guess I'm like this because we don't get to meet much and I feel jealous of the other girls(his friends) who get to see him everyday. Even seeing a random couple together makes me feel jealous. I am a lonely person who only is very close to my boyfriend and mother (any kind of help I would always reach out to them) but in this one I felt like I couldn't talk to neither of them. I was looking for psychology help online but ended here. Ur right. When people are cheating in relationships, I've got the most loyal person to be mine. I'll try my best to change my attitude and start expressing my love for him more. Just like you said, I wouldnt like a girl's man scolding her for her skirt and the way she dresses. Wow. You've helped me understand that well. Thanks for helping me out and I'll try my best with determination to change myself and be good to him. Thanks a lot really. (And, I love your English. It's so nice to read :) )

  • It’s so good That you see the problem and what you’re doing wrong. Just by doing that, you’ve actually taken a step forward. My advice is to ask him how he feels about it. Yes it’s important to tell him that you want to change this behavior. But it’s also important to ask him what he thinks about it. Because if you only speak about how you want to change and only speak about your behavior you’re still kind of doing the same thing. So make sure you also gets his perspective on it. And ask him how he thinks you can change and how you guys can work on it. Try to show him that you want to hear him this time, and not just ‘tell’. Good luck love!

  • @ayrp there is nothing wrong with a little jealousy and possesiveness in a relationship, shows you care. The important thing is to be up front and honest about it, it's amazing the comfort and ease that comes from owning and sharing your feelings. It's only a problem when you keep them as a dark, twisted secret. I would suggest that you keep reminding yourself that it is just in your head, that actually you really love this guy and you don't want to spoil things. TALK to him, it's ok to bare your soul and your insecurities (we all have them, you're not some kind of freak) The fact that you are here speaking about it suggests to me that you are a good person who wants things to be ok, remind yourself of that, being ok with yourself will make it easier to be ok with him too. Good luck and best wishes to you 😊

  • @Scottish Thank u so much for reading and replying to me. Just like u said I'd talk to him and tell him what I feel. Thanks a lot.

  • @peachpie Yes, I would hear him too. That's a correct one. Thank you so much. I would take all your words and talk to him and be a happier person soon. (I hope)

  • @ayrp You are so welcome. If I have helped even just a small amount then it was worth replying. LDRs are hard but I feel that you have so much love for each other and that distance can help you appreciate one another more. You've got this 🙂

  • @Matt_Aranha Yeah. You've been of really great help. First u made me feel that I wasn't so bad and appreciated me. I would soon talk to him and be happy with him.

  • @ayrp get some one who definitely loves you for you

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