Updates and current situation - Things got better, then worse
So it's been just about two months now. Again thank you for all the support with my very first post. A lot of things happened since then... Let me fill you in.
So I started getting some friends here after my first post. You helped me a great lot, and I got connected though other media as well - Including Discord. And you guys really made me happy. I finally realised what a bit of friendship is worth, and you were there for me.
A couple of weeks later, suddendly, my ex wants me back again. Telling me he misses the things we used to do and the attention and everything. I tell him that I know what he wants. He wants all that comes with a relationship, just except the commitment and the title. And I can't devote all my time and attention to someone who can't love me back. I told him this.
He showed up after school at some point. The 6'th of January to be precise. We talked, we went to a café and got milkshakes, talking all of this out. He wanted me back, he got a bit too close for my comfort.
He kissed me.
I told him that it felt wrong. I told him that I wouldn't promise him anything. I told him I didn't know what I wanted. I told him I didn't want to go back to what we had before.
Guess communication wasn't right.
Next day I was texting a new friend... And we got along really well. Got really close and honestly? I felt interested in him, and he seemed interested in me too. We kept on. At night, we'd call together and talk.
But then of course, new shit was about to happen. My ex had logged onto my discord. He had been reading through all the messages been sent throughout the day, everything. He went as far as to calling the person I was talking to, via my discord, talking to him about all this. Then called me, about 15 times at around 3 am, then, when I finally picked up, he called me out for all of this, yelling at me, saying he had come back to help me and be there for me. I got furious. But I was so sad at the same time all I said was: "I can't forgive you for this. If you can't keep yourself off of my social media, even when were not together, I can't trust you in a relationship. I made no promises for you, and I owe you nothing" I just ended up hanging up and I haven't spoken to him again.
This turned out to be my closure. I finally realised that was never going to get better. Besides, I had found a new love interest... Who apparently loves me back. So I am happy now. Things are on a whole different scale than before. I realised how much I was missing before...
Now comes a new problem.... It is a distance relationship
Not that either of us find it a problem, we believe we can make it work.
Problem is my parents. Or, mostly my mom.
She literally told me to "not fall in love with (person)" And that a distance relationship never works and all of that... She went as far as saying, directly to me that "let's imagen you were in a distance relationship for, let's say, three years. One of you would end up cheating". And she just got me annoyed at this point with her lack of support. But I am also terrified that she may work against us and make it difficult.
But it really shouldn't be her decision to make though, should it?
She shouldn't have any saying in it?
I don't know what to do now. I thought things were so much better, then it dropped again...
Sorry for my ranting.. once again...
Matt_Aranha last edited by
@NekoNat First things first - please, don't ever apologise for seeking advice. You haven't ranted, you shared the details which you felt were important, and even if it were a rant it is all stuff you needed to get off your chest. It's all okay here.
I'm really glad that you saw things for what they were and have rid yourself of somebody who did not value or respect you. That is such a blessing
It is important not to try to second-guess what your mum might do; this will only make you more anxious. Put your faith in her not being a total dick and doing something like that (trying to cause problems), because i) generally most people aren't like that plus ii) she will not want to alienate you. IF she does, then that may not be for a while yet anyway. Tackle the issue at that time, rather than create a problem from it now when there may not even be one.
Long-distance relationships can work, but they require effort and incredible communication skills. If you both have those, then you should manage this fine. Oddly enough I have had a number of people very recently trying to encourage me to chance more on long-distance bonds. You are important to one another; all you can do is try. Things may not work out but you will never know if you don't attempt, and it is better to live with the regret of the things you did than than the things you did not. Either way you will learn and grow from the experience.
I wish you the best.
@Matt_Aranha To be honest, yes, I am afraid so. I can't move away at the moment though because of studies. But also from what I have learned, growing up and watching my parents relationship, is that I apparently commit on a whole other way than they do. But she sadly never have been able to understand my mind works differently ... And my dad is kind of just, standing by, passively.
@pardis2001 She literally accused her own daughter, me, of being able to cheat.. Which I am physically and mentally not able to. Besides, it is not like she is known for her never ending support and love... It's not like anything I do has much support from her.
@Matt_Aranha Thank you a lot for your reply. The thing is, my mom has been trying to mess things up for me in the past, which is why I am afraid she might do again. Especially with the way she said these things. She literally "ordered" me to not fall in love with this person. (God knows I am already head over heels for them), and then started a long rant about how it never works out, not having actual proof to back her up.
Matt_Aranha last edited by
@NekoNat It sounds like she is quite a toxic person in your life, one you could do to separate yourself from when you get the earliest opportunity.
I would suggest her words about one of you cheating "after three years" say far more about her than they do you; certain people have a tendency to project without realising, and what I take from this is that because she would be unable to cheat she expects you to act the same. That is a very sad and disrespectful attitude, and I am sorry she puts you through the things she does.
@NekoNat I heard it before on discord you talked to me a lot because of it and you know what i think about it
but still even you're only that young she can't say who u love even maybe she is in fear about you she can't forbid you who you like or who you talk to but i guess that's something you know i am sorry to hear you have such problems with all of that
if you need me you know where to find me
@NekoNat I can say I have a similar situation to u. my family only supports me financially. They never trust me with anything and always think I am lying to them. I have an important exam this year and they just walk and say u will be nothing, ur gonna ruin the whole family, u are a shame to this family. Sometimes I think do I really deserve this? Am I this bad?? What have I done?
@pardis2001 but either you nor nat-chan are bad peoples you are just in a wrong and false situation and maybe in the wrong familys i guess it's never easy to have such a life ~ so even i had a hard life i guess it was nothing against to the things u two have and must go throught because my mother and father helped and supported me even my mother wasn't the best to me always i am happy i had same in a way even i had nothing from them either i was all lonely and alone at home i got support for my music and also my way on school but thats all because mentaly they not really supported me a lot ~ the same way u have to go i suppose so keep fighting ! both of you @NekoNat and also you ! you're simply really nice persons thats why you got so much unhappy moments with your family !! but still i like u both
@pardis2001 I see. It seems there's only room for support in one single area, even you then see the double standards forming when it suddenly doesn't suit the moment.
@Hyde thank you once again. I guess there are just different ways of neglecting support and trust. Sadly it cannot be changed, only fought against. I'd hate to cut contact with my parents to have them quit trying to control me, because despite this, I of course still love them.
@NekoNat I guess loving them is normaly also when they don't show support or trust still loving is normaly also when the hit you nearly to death loving is normaly to a point ! it's family after all even they don't really show it and controlling is the wrong way even they're your parents and you're young but still u have to find your own path and nobody can stop your way because it's your future like i told many times before even they're maybe thinking thats a way of showing u support and love that's definitfly the wrong way they go
and your father don't have much butt in the pants like it seems also your mother say wich way must be and her way it always the right way i guess that's how it sounds to me ! my mother did the same to a way also my father they confused me a lot i was not really able to say wich is the right way but i saw my parents loved me so i done the things they want (exept showering xD) i grown even more aduld in my youth as i wanted but hey i think it didn't made me a bad human being at all ! in the end we all end up like we deserve it and i am sure u will end up happly because you deserve it ~ also the most good peoples with a good character have to fight a lot thats how life's going but in the end everything is for a reason and pays off ! thanks for being such a lovely person and being here if someone needs and wants support ! i will support u to the end
@Hyde Thank you Haido-kun! I really do feel your support. I am happy I am not entirely alone in this ^^
@NekoNat You're not alone right i am ever being here
you will do it ! fight on
It's her advice. As a mother she wants the best for u and she's afraid u end up hurting. It's just u should be careful about ur relationship. For a sec think about what ur mom said without considering ur love for the girl. There is a tiny possibility for it. So just be careful. I hope It works out and u two meet in person!! Good luck
@Hyde thank you once again for all your help and support ^^
@NekoNat Oh I am sorry I thought she meant ur partner will cheat on you. I am not that good in english sometimes I make mistake in understanding. I apologize. ur right
@pardis2001 She meant both. She just said one of you.
@NekoNat I am still sorry. This is not a good thing to hear.:(
@pardis2001 No, It's never nice to hear. The lack of general support from my very closest family isn't exactly nice either, but I suppose it must be worked around.