I want to experience it someday, with a dear close friends with me. I see some that are sweet, and some that are mean from being intox, and I always hope that I am one of those mellow. I hope to experience it one day.
Thank you all of you for the wonderful and comforting replies. I am also sorry to hear about the situation you're in @Doc2.0 and I pray that your days get better! As for me, I have been recovering really well the past few weeks and it rarely bothers me anymore. I once again thank all of you for the help and support on this random website I found on google and for taking time to write a reply to help a stranger. I wish all of you the best of luck in your future endeavors!
that person was not the perfect partner
personal insecurity. Many people for fear of being left, prefer to leave, suffering them and making the other person suffer too who asks himself "where did I go wrong?" Insecurity can lead to thinking that you are not good enough for each other
UPDATE (and the last1 on this topic) :
I found out she was cheating on me at least since February, with more than 3 guys.
This may sound weird, but I felt a relief.
I realized this wasn't my fault and it was her choice and there was nothing I could do.
I finally was able to smile, laugh, eat, feel at peace, love myself and respect myself more than I ever did.
I "tested" to see if I really feel better. I tried to go to the cinema w/o her, to see if I can enjoy it alone( For many years I went only with her at the cinema). Not just that I enjoyed, but it was better than the last years. It made me realize I have to be responsible for my happiness, I could chose the movie, where to eat, if I wanted coffee or not. Overall, it was amazing. I even pushed it even further. I knew she used to love frozen and not many hours ago i thought i will never be able to see that movie. But I went to frozen and it was an amazing movie, an amazing experience and I felt refreshed.
All that hate that i had felt for myself transformed into self esteem and love, because I knew I acted like a gentleman until the very end and it was nothing I could've changed.
The hardest step was to forgive myself for not being good enough to be with her. And if I didn't receive this news about her, I would still be at the rock bottom.
All of this happened so fast, I can barely remember the last few days. I smoked 22 Cigarette packs from Tuesday until now.
Overall, I would like to thank everyone for their support. W/o you guys I would've never had the power to try and find out the truth. I really appreciate your support.
If anyone still has questions, feel free to dm me, I'll answer honestly and offer whatever detail you want.
I hope this tread will help someone else one day.