Basically just existing.

  • I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in November 2018, which at this point already seems like a lifetime ago. But life since then has been nothing of the same sort it used to be. I can’t even compare myself to who I was before. It feels as if nothing and I mean nothing is the same, not my spirit, not my mind, and certainly not my body. My body used to cooperate, and now it does what it wants when it wants without my consent.

    But here we are in 2020. And everyday is a struggle. I'm barely existing and losing hope fast. Also currently going through a breakup, as if everything isn't already enough. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm lonely. I struggle with anxiety and making new friends despite being told how personable me and my personality are. I hide and fake a lot. I feel so broken and feel alone. Am I alone out here?

  • @LisaB oh fuck Lisa that is so rough. My heart goes out to you. That's a grim set of circumstances to be dealing with at the same time and by yourself. If you need to talk give me a.shout. This isn't a bad place to be if you're feeling alone, there's usually someone to chat to. Best wishes to you x

  • It seems to me, everything always changes, and it would be so easy to say, "That's it, no more good times". But if nothing else, a person has always got their inner-life, and that's a hell of a powerful thing. Does that sound lame, or a cop-out?

    I've got nothing in the order of your problems, @LisaB. But debilitating conditions I know a bit about. My insides are scarred up with adhesions, and my knees are F'd; I used to love going for daily runs (5 minute mile plus; there were days I felt like I could outrun a nucular blast if ness). That's gone out the window. Everyone I know is getting older. Two of my mates have cancer. It's grim. There's no two ways about it. But I feel like I know the world and myself better now. It's hard to explain.

    @LisaB, you sound articulate and thoughtful, mate. Keep that strength.

  • @LisaB There's nothing worse than feeling like you've lost control over your life. But you've made it this far - just try to keep holding on and things will get better. Remember, it's always the darkest just before the dawn. I'm rooting for you 🙏

  • Find something you like to do and just do it

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