Hi, I'm new. And I need some help or advice ...



  • I have been in a relationship for more than three years, that is, until he broke up with me a week ago.
    Now, to provide some backstory, we started out as a long distance relationship, but we made it work until he moved closer at least one and a half years ago, and everything was amazing! Or so I thought. For more background information, I was deep into my own hell-hole when he found me. I was cutting badly, hardly getting any sleep, and barely dragging myself out of bed in the morning, and had no one to help me. I was honestly on the verge of suicide. Until he came along. Gave me a reason to get out of bed and through the day. Given time, he helped me quit self harming and made me really happy! And when he moved closer, we only saw eachother even more and our relationship bloomed. But then.. Just a week ago, he tells me that he can't go on like this. He tells me that about 2,5 years ago, something happened that made him stop loving me. He said that he had been trying for all that time to regain feelings for me, because he want to love me and he cares about me. But de described it as a constant pain and he just couldn't bear to be in a relationship with me anymore. But he still wanted to be best friends, because he still sees me as his soulmate, so it should be okay right?
    Wrong... Ever since he broke up, I have NOT been able to sleep at night. I've been crying so much that at this point I just feel empty. The voices that dissapeared a long time ago have come back, with new fuel to drag me back into my hell-hole. I even slipped at cutted again. And everything I can think about is how badly. I. Want. Him. Back. He tells me to think about a future and to be happy that I am free, but my problem is I don't want to be that kind of free... I saw a future in him and me, now I see nothing. I am not happy. I don't know what I and my family are going to do with all the presents we bought him for christmas. Even my hobbies, he ended up being my main inspiration for everything I made. So I am empty. I don't know what to do. All I can think about is how desperately I want him back. I can't find any reason not to like him. Despite all of his physical and mental flaws people might have seen in him, all of those things only made me love him more. And I seem to only want him more and more each day since he left.

    Please help. I don't know what to do...
    Sorry for the rant. But I have no one to talk to.



  • Okay, so he was with you, until now, but he was feeling some pain that don't let him love you, idk why but I think that he was wanting to protect you of something



  • @DennisJM But what. I just don't know what he would need to protect me from...


  • Watch Anime Eyes

    @NekoNat some guys have a bad history and are subconscious about there history but that dosnt mean he dosnt love you he just hurts worrying about his past catching up to him and hurting you



  • @NekoNat I'm sure every one doesn't hate you. This i can tell you, disecting and analysing things searching for answers you aren't going to get will drive you mad, it really won't help you. If he wants to reveal his thoughts he will, doesn't sound likely though. So your best move, and i know it's incredibly difficult and painful, is to stop looking backwards and look forwards. Find some new things to do. Or at least try to distract yourself as you tread water, anything will do, just try not to obsess over things, i know that's easier said than done but keeping your mind on other things will give you your best chance of recovery. I've been doing it myself for several months now. I'm not out of the woods yet but I'm in a bètter place than if i wasn't forcing my mind to be elsewhere. I feel your pain so much. Good luck and best wishes


  • Watch Anime Eyes

    I know how it is, it's hard to do stuff that ment so much with you and your other, you just have to work your way through it,I used to ride bikes and go on adventures all the time with my ex then everything happened and i had to fight to do anything after that


  • Watch Anime Eyes

    Im here if you ever need me all you need to do is message me, the pain never fully goes away but it'll be ok as long as you have someone to talk to



  • He doesn't look like he don't love you anymore, do you have any contact with him?
    Try to talk about this pain if you have



  • @DennisJM I tried. I can't get anything specific out of him about the pain, other than he says it's gone now, that we are not together. Now I am just the one hurting instead. Selfish little me of course wants him to come back but I love him too much to want him to hurt...



  • Or something recent


  • Watch Anime Eyes

    Yea the past has a big affect on a guys future, I know how it is I've had a good relationship with one of my childhood friends for about a year and she left me for no reason 2 weeks ago so I have a hard time trusting people



  • @matthewg I am aware of that, but the thing is, bot of us shared our lives all the way back to kindergarten. I know he had trouble as well as I did, and he even let me read though a tiny book that went back and fourth between a psychology helper and his dad. (I added a new page in the back of the book where I added pictures of us and wrote that it is now years past and we've been together and stuff.. and he got so happy) Just like I let him know about how my bullying started at about 4 years and continued from then on....


  • SEEKERS

    @NekoNat Let him go.

    It is a mistake to place your mental well-being in the hands of someone who refuses to reciprocate your feelings. Eventually, it will destroy you from the inside.

    You will find someone else.



  • @Silhouette That's the thing... Everyone always hates me, and I don't know what I am doing wrong. And it doesn't just feel like leftover feelings, it feels like someone just kinda... Ripped away a part of me.



  • Well you are looking in the wrong places, look at us, we don't hate you, and we don't pity you, so you can stay here for a while, or follow someone to chat too



  • @DennisJM Sure.. I just also have that one need for a hug or some physical affection. Like, he's been pretty much the only one to touch me at any rate for 3 years.... And before that, pretty much none did. I am just such a wreck I think people are scared of the work it would take to piece a bit of me together..



  • Unfortunately I live too far to give you a real hug, but I'm here to make you company if you want


  • Watch Anime Eyes

    No one wants to put effort into a relationship, If I could id come give you a hug too, I live in Ohio, and i dont now where your from


  • Watch Anime Eyes

    Im always on here you can follow me and text me at any time, I'll message back almost instantly unless I'm out working



  • @Scottish Thanks.. It's jush extremely tough when most things I enjoy doing ended up having some connection or reminds me of him. I love to draw, which means I have drawn way to much of him and me, I have an entire box of only drawings of him and me. He has a realistic sketch of a picture we took at our first new years evening together. He still has it. Just like he still has a small heart shaped pillow With out initials that I have sewn from scratch. I also have a pillow he has sewn me, very poorly, but I love it.... Theres just so much...








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