I never thought to look for breakup forums before. I'm surely glad they exist because I need to let everything I've been bottling up out.

I'll summarize now and add more context later. I'm tired and just need to type.

I'm just, so decimated. I was with him for almost 3 years. I've never met another guy so crazily similar to me like this before. And the magnetic energy was there from the first time we met. We loved each other and started building up a life together. Our downfall was him not trying to take care of his mental health, causing sudden and irrational arguments that seemed to come out of absolutely nowhere. This started making my own mental health deteriorate which led to more explosive fights. I tried everything I could on my part to fix the issues between us. I found therapists for us both together and individually, I tried putting myself in his shoes to understand what I was doing to cause him to react how he did, I listened to what he told me he needed from me and worked hard to give him that, etc...

Finally after so many months of us trying to better ourselves and keep each other accountable and on track and after laying out a gameplan of the steps we need to take to start getting better together, things exploded. The day after we started taking those steps. Me asking him if he really still wants this or if we should step back and be friends and him assuring me he wanted it. I gave him an easy out a few different times and told him I wouldn't be upset if he just gave me honesty about what he wanted. I got my hopes up thinking we could get back to a good place. He said he'd call me the next morning and wanted to play Fortnite with me the next evening. He just....ghosted me. No explanation, no fight, no goodbye of any kind - he was just....gone. After nearly 3 years.

If we had just broken up, I think I could handle it. What's destroying me is the not knowing. Running through scenario after scenario trying to figure out what went wrong. It's been two weeks of sleepless nights, ruminating. Crying every day when I'm alone. Damn. Damn..