Marriage feels over, but I feel stuck and lost

Trex1983

I've been with my wife for 19 years, married for 15 of those... on the whole I felt like we had an amazing relationship. She was my lover, but also my best friend, my soul mate, loving parent to our 4 cheeky children. We were on the same page on everything, and I felt like we could talk to each other about anything and everything.

Mid-COVID one of those conversations was about sexuality, and spicing things up. She wanted to try with other men involved, and she was curious what it would be like with other women involved - but quite strictly for her benefit, not mine. I like to think I'm quite open minded, so we joined a community and tried a few scenarios - not very successful... not like we went wow, this is for us, or anything like that.

From that, one guy that we met she started calling and messaging in private, kept everything to herself. She was falling for him to the point where she was ready to leave me for him... until... she realised he was gaslighting her, and it turned out he had a partner. It turned out things weren't as she thought they were. She broke things off, and at this told me all about it... I'd been completely unaware up to that point.

This was hard for me, but I loved her - I still do, and wanted to work through this. She didn't know what she wanted from here, but were to work things through and try to make it work.

From this point, the sex started to go downhill, we went from active most nights, to very inactive to now being sexless for the last few months. She's got a few health issues, both physically and mentally, so I'd put the drop down to these. Rightly or wrongly though I got suspicious, and found messages in her Facebook account to a guy, and the messages come across that she's throwing herself at him. I can't see replies from him, but from her messages, something happened between them, I just don't know what. A week ago she asked me at the dinner table with our kids if she could go to Paris by herself tomorrow... my response at the time was "We can't afford it" but I was later to find out in these messages that she'd asked this guy to go to Paris with her.

I like to think that I'm a helpful and supportive husband, I work my ass off, do as much as if not more of the childcare, and try to help with housework. She works less hours than I do, and is regularly out getting her hair or her nails done, or shopping.

I feel like I can't continue with this anymore... I wanted to try, but how many times can this happen and can I be put through this? I'm so low, I've lost all energy to fight for my wife, and my life. I'm lost and stuck. I don't have any friends to talk to - my friends went years ago when friends became our friends, my parents passed away before I reached 30, and I'm scared (as I hear so many times) that separating/divorce is going to leave her with the house, the kids everything. I'm left feeling like I have nothing worth living for and that I'm only here right now so that my kids aren't upset with the fact of losing me.

The common advice is to talk to her about it, but she doesn't want to talk about any of it, and just gets angry with me. I don't know where to turn, or what to do.

I'm here, just looking for someone to talk to, hopefully people that have been in the same situation, and how it worked out... lessons learnt... outcomes... positive and negative.

Aryan Mhatre

Feeling sorry for you man......she isn't worth it

Peek_A_Boo

Im sorry that you have to experience such, she has likely lost interest which sucks these days as more and more women become materialistic and give up gems like yourself for dumb rocks , it seems like both minds are made up just a hard reality of coming out on terms before she goes a step further.

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Marriage feels over, but I feel stuck and lost
Relationships

TTrex1983 6 days ago
I've been with my wife for 19 years, married for 15 of those... on the whole I felt like we had an amazing relationship. She was my lover, but also my best friend, my soul mate, loving parent to our 4 cheeky children. We were on the same page on everything, and I felt like we could talk to each other about anything and everything.