Someone I greatly appreciate once told me: You are lucky if you find a single real friend in your whole lifetime. This got me thinking for quite a while... Today I agree with him. Let me share with you, what I think a real friend is like. Then you will understand why I think it is so hard to find one...
Let us start with what most of our friends are: People who enjoy spending some time with us. This is also how real friendships tend to start: We find someone we have similar interests with, people who think alike, or people whom we admire for the ways in which they are different from us. These friends stay in our lives for a while, but if life moves us apart with them, eventually the relationship will fade. Which of course is okay! We don't have to stay friends forever with everyone in our lives. In fact that would be impossible...
Sometimes such a friend can become a real friend. A real friend will stay our friend forever. But that does not mean, that the relationship could not also fade away. Except that a real friend will try their best to not make this happen. If it does happen though – that is if it is our own fault that the relationship fades away – you will see that a real friend will want to rekindle the friendship when an opportunity comes.
Real friends can of course disagree with you, even strongly and on important matters. But no matter on what they disagree with you, they will still treasure you. In fact I believe that someone who (almost) never disagrees with you, cannot possibly be a good friend... That's because someone who treasures you, will try to help you to grow. They will tell you what they think you could do better, or what they think you are doing wrong. Not all the time, but every now and then. And they will be persistent, they won't stop telling you things you don't want to hear. Because they really want to see you grow. That's part of being a good friend...
I've had friends (not real friends) who were not able to disagree with me. This can generally appear in two ways. Some tell you always what you want to hear. You will never get proper feedback from them, and thus they cannot help you grow and become a better version of yourself. There is another kind: Some people cannot bear you disagreing with them. They'll start to argue with you, whenever you state an opinion that does not match theirs. Be weary of this kind of people. They can only see themselves. They need you to adopt their worldview so that they feel confirmed as a person. Someone like this is not mature enough to be a real friend.
You can hurt a real friend. Don't do that, definitely not on purpose, and try to avoid it even unintentionally. But, truth be told, we are dangerous creatures. We will hurt the people around us every now and then even if we don't want to. And with real friends, you'll see, that you can hurt them, and they will stay your (real) friends... They will however require an apology and depending on the gravity of your sin, they might even ask for compensation – if they think you have the means to do so of course.
You can also damage the relationship with a real friend. You can hurt them physically and emotionally. And it will impact your relationship, it might even end it. It will not change however that the friend wants what is good for you. A real friend will never hate you, and will never desire your demise, no matter how deeply you hurt them. In fact a real friend will desire your relationship to be healed – if only possible.
Real friends are willing to suffer for you, willing to be there for you when you need them – as long as you are not taking advantage of them. If you did take advantage of a real friend, they will speak to you about it. They will stop you from doing so if they can. Because it is not good for you to take advantage of others... And someone who loves you, will do their best to keep you from doing bad things... And a real friend will pray for you. For all their life. No matter what life, or what you throw at them...
It is not easy to be a real friend. Just about as hard as to find one. Realizing this one might feel quite lonely if one hasn't found one yet. Truth be told, the only such friend I have found in my life is God. Who is always around us, caring to madness... so its not impossible for you to find Him either. What has happened however is that I've become such a friend. Not for many, because that would be impossible. I'm not God, I can only commit so deeply to very few. One of them I haven't told even. The other one does understand that I'm her friend this deeply.
What about you? Have you found a true friend? Are you one? Or are you becoming one?
