• Gamers

    Every recent thing I've posted is from 2018. I am working on a large updated piece for how I've progressed or relasped. Not sure when I'm gonna post it. I have finals coming up. Read with caution if you have PTSD.

    Dear World,
    We all have felt pain in our lives correct? Emotional and physical? If you haven't then you have yet to experience it. For those who have...we do stupid things when we are in pain. We have things we have regretted doing and wished that we had chosen a different way to make the pain go away. Some people turn to cutting. Some people turn to alcohol. Some people turn to drugs. Whatever we chose, we regret it. Those who are cutters feel ugly because of our scars, so we make more. Those who are alcoholics feel free when really they are trapping themselves. Those who are drug addicts feel happy when high, risk the chance of feeling the complete opposite. For every way to "cope" and escape reality, it's not really a way to cope. The more you do these things the more likely you are to lead to suicide. I have heard so many jokes about suicide. It angers me so much that everyone treats it like a small thing. It's not something small. Sure it's somewhat selfish, but we resorted to it because we felt like there was nothing left for us to live for in this world. So we kept all of our feelings inside and pushed everyone away. It's called depression. We lose interest in doing things we love, we become moody, always tired, forget how to cry, and don't know what a real smile is anymore. I haven't turned to alcohol or drugs. Instead, I turned to cutting and fasting. I could have done so many things correctly rather than digging down that hole. I always remember the past because of my scars. For the longest time, I would tell myself "No one will ever love me. I'm ugly. I have scars and I'm fat." I ended up becoming an anorexic because I was so desperate to fit in. I kept a smile on my face every day acting strong while at night I would cry myself to sleep. After a few months of barely skipping meals, I started to only eat dinner once a week for 6 months. How am I still alive? No clue honestly. Then people found out and I started eating again. Anorexia and trying to quit cutting was an ongoing battle for me. It would go on and off every few months until I finally started to get help. It was roughly about a few months when I started improving until I went back to cutting. I haven't been anorexic for a while which is an achievement, and I've been clean for one month. And if you're going through depression and you push others away, it will only take you farther down that hole. You have to talk to someone about it otherwise it will devour you making you feel miserable. And if a close friend tells on what you've done, don't be mad. They are only trying to protect you because they love you so fucking much. You should never ever do anything that harms your body. I wrote this to prevent people from doing these things because the price you pay afterward isn't a good one. You will feel so much better once you get help. It's much better to tell someone you trust and get help than to keep it inside.

  • @xEchosVoice , you are right , ppl who love us wud never give us bad advice willingly , and it's always a best thing to share our feelings with them when we are going through a depression, at first it will definitely seem to be a bad choice to talk to them as we don't feel like talking abt it in the first place, but when we win that first challenge of depression then it seems easy to carry on with the right things right choices like as you said "Sharing and talking with ppl who love us". Good friends and family members are the best ppl as we can trust them in these situations, and they can really help us in killing that thing called DEPRESSION .

  • @xEchosVoice yeah you're right

  • I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I had good advice for you, and unfortunately, I don't. I'm one of those people, who has chosen alcohol as a means to just 'make it through' some of those hard moments. Functionally. Hell - that's been in my family for probably more generations than I'd care to know. So, why am I even saying anything? Because I've lived with 'this' long enough to know that there is no silver bullet. There's 'solutions' and the ones that all of the doctors and therapists say are permanent are only temporary. Some more than others. Some of those solutions can last you a really good long time, but inevitably - it catches back up with you. Medications work for awhile, but those too also eventually stop working. It's a hound that has your scent, and it never gets quite lost enough. Always keep one step ahead, and never be too attached to your ego to believe it does not need attention.

  • I read the whole of ur point.
    Life is unpredictable,u never knoe what next card will show.Their comes a point when u dont like anyone because the person whom u love the most,done everything to make them close to u ..leaves u.At that very moment u knoe u ll be in depression and definitely u ll think u wanna suicide.But suicide is only not the option.
    I got a relation we talk but things are not at all same,One who was who is and who ll be in my priority list found me irritating.All i could do is walk away from her life and leave her alone promising in my mind i m always for her,i cant be pysically available as she ll found more irritating but can be my prayers ll work here for her.
    People reading the post will found me fool i knoe but if u trully love someone she is thier or not doesnt matter but u will always be their for her