(TRIGGER WARNING) SUICIDE/SELF-HARM/OTHER THINGS
You have been warned. Dark and deep topics. If you have any PTSD proceed with caution.
What is life? We eat, drink, sleep, socialize, etc. I could go on for ages...who are we as human beings? What is our purpose? Were we born for something specific or just to exist and then die again? Who are we? Why were we created? Some say that this "God" created us, while others think differently. Some follow science and reason and think that we are evolved animals. The past? Humanity has done awful things in the past which they used to think was acceptable at the time. However, we still look back at the past and see the things we have done wrong or those that we've done right. In day to day life, when people are sad they'll talk to you about it. Every damn day, purely for the attention. But when they are truly sad they keep it inside, letting it rip them apart and slowly crumble. Everyone has a chapter that they don't read aloud. We let these pieces of our stories tear us apart until we slowly rot into a nobody. Then again we already think we are nobodies. Even if we aren't sad, we sure as hell aren't happy either. We always think that we are never good enough no matter what. We feel worthless, lonely, unloved, hateful, anxious, scared, etc. People tell you to be yourself and then they judge you. You create a mask, a fake, in order to be liked. Your scared that someone will someday take off that mask and then they will know the real you. Pain changes us. We change after we've gone through pain because we are bitter and hateful. We cannot forgive what happened to us. We try to help people not go through what we did, but it is difficult. Some people manage it better than others while other people become a stranger. At night we cry, but also go numb. We forget to feel, we become hollow inside. We fake a smile and say we are "okay" when inside we are dying of suffering. They say silence is the most powerful scream and it is. Have you ever cried so hard that you can't breathe and no noise comes out? That is pain. When you're about to kill yourself and you look at your reflection while your suffocating. Your face going from red to purple, the fear of facing Death himself. Then you stop because you don't want to go that slowly. You want a fast painless death because all you've ever had is pain. You lied to the doctors, family, and friends about how many times you've cut and tried to kill yourself. You say once, but it's too many times to count. You lose track of how hurt you are. You know you're broken, but you act fine anyway so people don't worry about you. But then there is one person who lifts you up and makes you feel happiness again. They make you have real feelings and emotions and you care about them. Those are your friends and boyfriend/girlfriend. They make you feel like you have a purpose in the world and that you belong. Sure, they will judge you, but your fine with them doing that because to all of you, your flaws and everything, are beautiful, and make you, you. You might get sad sometimes, but when you think about them and your adventures together, you remember why you're staying alive so you stay alive to protect them because they hold the keys to your guarded heart. Even when you do get sad again, you tell yourself you have to stay strong and pretend to be happy so that no one worries about you. Every strong person has their breaking point though. We brood about life and still wonder why we are alive. We wonder and pour out our insecurities that make us scared again. We can't always be happy though. You must have sadness in your life because pain is one of the main things that change you. I bring back my point again. Who are we? What do we do? And I have an answer. We are whoever we choose to be and we can have the confidence to be that person or not. We exist to live life to the fullest. You choose your paths of what happens. Yes, there are going to be mistakes, but that helps you move along in life showing you who you're meant to be. That is life.