Advice needed!!!!!!!!



  • So my older brother is a full-time worker so he doesn’t really have time to run errands so he is telling me to do it, which I do since we are family. However, whenever I have complete an errand and he figure out the way I have done it is wrong or done it not in his way of doing it. He then teaches me in an offensive hard tone on how I could have done it better and do it in his way. Some phrases he often use “do you think at all when you do things”, ”do you have a brain?”, “idiot” etc… mostly passive offensive phrases. It might not sound offensive for you guys but getting these phrases often is actually destroying me mentally. The way he talks downs to me is impacting my confidence and self-esteem. Which leads to me questioning myself “Am I that stupid?”. I have of course tried and talk back but I that kind of guy who hate to discuss/argue and he often gets the last word which impacts me afterwards.

    An example of a situation: He: “if you also need to order something from the websites (supplements store) can you also order this for me?”
    In the situation, I will just put the items in the cart and pay the amount. Let’s say the amount was 35€ and we could get free shipping with the purchase of over 40€. We are usually ordering for over 40€ but in this situation we didn’t and I didn’t have any thoughts to it. So I paid the amount (35€ + shipping) which is around 42€. He then get mad at me for not have chosen another product for instance a protein bar so we could get the free shipping. I can see the logic…. but still we talk about 2€ vs protein bar but he is thinking about the money that we could saved etc. I also take the finance in consideration but sometimes I do not think about it when we talk about a small amount.

    I agree that in some cases I could have handled cases better because I could see the common sense and sometimes I am clumsy and I don’t think that much when I doing the errand. But doesn’t allow him to talk down to me like that. His and my way of thinking is not the same and sometimes he expects that I can think the same way as he does….The main question is, how should I handle this when he is talking down to me which impacting hard mentally and am I wrong here in this example?

    Thanks for taking your time reading it.



  • @Neenene Hello, I read your article and I can kinda relate to your problem. As I work with my father sometimes I learned the harsh way that whatever you do, can be done better and the easy way is never the real way, As I grew up more I understood that those hars words were meant to put.me in a right path. Your brother is probably.more harsh but endure it for some years. I know it sounds hard but many more people get a mental breakdown and cant continue. You cant let yourself let that happen. Yes its hard but life is harder. Ignore those words and come to a conclusion how you can become better, improve as a human and dont let your emotions get a hold of you.



  • @Neenene no, you are not wrong. Your brother is being borderline abusive and I'm not sure which side of that border! It sounds like he is leaning on you a lot, taking you for granted and not showing you any appreciation even though you are providing him with a lot of support. If you feel strong enough then you should ask him for a talk about how you are feeling. You certainly shouldn't be made to feel bad when you are trying your best. I hopethings work out for you. Best wishes to you



  • @Neenene Look, in the example you gave he caused have just laughed it off, pointed out the [TINY] saving you could have made if it were that important to him.... perhaps even been mature enough to say "thank you, I appreciate what you have done for me", then supportively suggest (in the manner of an elder imparting their wisdom) that next time you could try his way. Teach you, pass on a tip instead of belittle you.

    Bottom line is he is an asshat who is taking who for granted; he has no right to speak to you the way he does and being family/under pressure/having little time is NOT an excuse.

    I suggest - indeed, recommend - that you let him do these things himself for a few weeks; he may then begin to appreciate and respect you.










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