It's the least that you deserve

[US poet]

I'm sorry I don't love you the way I should,
I'd fix it if I could,
but somehow a hole has formed in my heart,
that's tearing me apart,
and rotting from within,
and I want to let you in,
but when I do,
another piece of me crumbles,
and so now I'm tumbling,
down in a vicious circle,
and I'm not even sure how to feel anymore,
it's like my life is closing a door,
so as I'm lying one the floor,
I look up and I no longer see you,
I just see a blur,
a blinding light,
and I'm trying to fight,
but that seems to make it all worse,
and as I continue to traverse,
on my plotted course,
just feeling this way fills me with remorse,
that I could hurt you that way,
unable to reciprocate,
your feelings for me and as I debate,
where I'm going next,
the text,
that keeps coming into my soul,
has taken a toll,
that's starting to drown me,
and I hope I'm mistaken,
but everything just feels numb,
as I'm starting to succumb,
to all the negative,
that's so hard to live with,
but I'm going to try for you,
because you deserve that much.
You truly have touched me,
but even that's not enough sometimes,
and I don't know why,
because it's easier to cry,
on the inside,
than to tell you,
how my world's been falling to pieces,
and I just want it to decrease,
the speed that it's happening,
and I'm afraid of what will happen when it's fixed,
because that outcome can be just as frightful,
as where I'm standing now.
I always put my feelings to the side,
and I'll even lie,
about everything being alright,
because hurting you just makes the holes deepen,
as they've started seeping,
into my pores,
and when I look at the score,
of you to me,
you're so far ahead,
that I dread,
trying to even confront you,
and sometimes I think it would be easier to be dead,
than to continue with these thoughts in my head,
but I could never do that either,
because I know how many grievers,
there'd be with the worst one being you,
but I understand how much easier that path is,
and I know you couldn't exist,
if that's what I did,
so no matter what I'll live,
and I just hope the outcome,
whatever possible,
even with me now being doubtful,
truly is what's best,
because it's the least that you deserve,
to have me not hurt you so much through all of this.