Posts made by NekoNat

@Akki8 It still makes me so happy, since people in general never were really nice to me. :)

I am truly grateful for the people who commented on my first post, it really don't regret coming here with it, soooo many people comforted me I can't even handle it. :)
I just wanted to thank you all.
Please, stay this awesome. Because I feel like a lot of people needs it. Not just me :)

Let me know if I should do any updates about what happens now. I really enjoyed my time here so far ^^

Thanks again~

Sweet home Alabama!

Seems this post turned into a train wreck - fun story tho XD

@Hyde Nice, I follow you too now

@Hyde I really would like to go there someday..

@Hyde Ye - Also draw anime and manga a lot. Don't watch that much anymore tho...

@Hyde No problem! Always happy to share som anti-christmas spirit nyehehehe :)

@Hyde Search on youtube "this christmas" by Set It Off
It's basically if The Grinch had a rock theme song

If you don't like christmas songs, I have an anti-christmas song you might enjoy, if you like rock music that is ... :)

@Scottish Thank u...

@matthewg I understand. How did you manage? Cuz rn I am open to suggestions. But I just don't want to erase memories from the only years of my life worth remembering...

@Scottish Thanks.. It's jush extremely tough when most things I enjoy doing ended up having some connection or reminds me of him. I love to draw, which means I have drawn way to much of him and me, I have an entire box of only drawings of him and me. He has a realistic sketch of a picture we took at our first new years evening together. He still has it. Just like he still has a small heart shaped pillow With out initials that I have sewn from scratch. I also have a pillow he has sewn me, very poorly, but I love it.... Theres just so much...

@DennisJM Sure.. I just also have that one need for a hug or some physical affection. Like, he's been pretty much the only one to touch me at any rate for 3 years.... And before that, pretty much none did. I am just such a wreck I think people are scared of the work it would take to piece a bit of me together..

@Silhouette That's the thing... Everyone always hates me, and I don't know what I am doing wrong. And it doesn't just feel like leftover feelings, it feels like someone just kinda... Ripped away a part of me.

@matthewg I am aware of that, but the thing is, bot of us shared our lives all the way back to kindergarten. I know he had trouble as well as I did, and he even let me read though a tiny book that went back and fourth between a psychology helper and his dad. (I added a new page in the back of the book where I added pictures of us and wrote that it is now years past and we've been together and stuff.. and he got so happy) Just like I let him know about how my bullying started at about 4 years and continued from then on....

@DennisJM I tried. I can't get anything specific out of him about the pain, other than he says it's gone now, that we are not together. Now I am just the one hurting instead. Selfish little me of course wants him to come back but I love him too much to want him to hurt...

@DennisJM But what. I just don't know what he would need to protect me from...

I have been in a relationship for more than three years, that is, until he broke up with me a week ago.
Now, to provide some backstory, we started out as a long distance relationship, but we made it work until he moved closer at least one and a half years ago, and everything was amazing! Or so I thought. For more background information, I was deep into my own hell-hole when he found me. I was cutting badly, hardly getting any sleep, and barely dragging myself out of bed in the morning, and had no one to help me. I was honestly on the verge of suicide. Until he came along. Gave me a reason to get out of bed and through the day. Given time, he helped me quit self harming and made me really happy! And when he moved closer, we only saw eachother even more and our relationship bloomed. But then.. Just a week ago, he tells me that he can't go on like this. He tells me that about 2,5 years ago, something happened that made him stop loving me. He said that he had been trying for all that time to regain feelings for me, because he want to love me and he cares about me. But de described it as a constant pain and he just couldn't bear to be in a relationship with me anymore. But he still wanted to be best friends, because he still sees me as his soulmate, so it should be okay right?
Wrong... Ever since he broke up, I have NOT been able to sleep at night. I've been crying so much that at this point I just feel empty. The voices that dissapeared a long time ago have come back, with new fuel to drag me back into my hell-hole. I even slipped at cutted again. And everything I can think about is how badly. I. Want. Him. Back. He tells me to think about a future and to be happy that I am free, but my problem is I don't want to be that kind of free... I saw a future in him and me, now I see nothing. I am not happy. I don't know what I and my family are going to do with all the presents we bought him for christmas. Even my hobbies, he ended up being my main inspiration for everything I made. So I am empty. I don't know what to do. All I can think about is how desperately I want him back. I can't find any reason not to like him. Despite all of his physical and mental flaws people might have seen in him, all of those things only made me love him more. And I seem to only want him more and more each day since he left.

Please help. I don't know what to do...
Sorry for the rant. But I have no one to talk to.