• ~A little long rant~

    Hello. I'm Aliza, as people like to call me on here. I have social anxiety - I am really shy and get scared and worried about social settings. I would say that I love my personality, and I'm friends with a bunch of really cool people at school whom I seem likeable amongst. Acquaintances whom I don't talk to much and random people respect me as well. However, I have this problem that I overthink and over-feel A LOT. I get super nervous when I'm placed in between a bunch of people. I get nervous when I'm talking to someone new. When I'm going to a shop. The voice in my head always starts blabbering asking whether my outfit is right and how people perceive me and what image I give off. Even in my family when I am a little ignored or with my friends I start getting anxious and super self-conscious. Do I seem lonely? Do I seem weird? Do I seem this do ai seem that. Although I know that people do like me, they think pretty highly of me. My heart just can't seem to accept this and I always over-criticize myself on small things. I wish people's views didn't matter this much to me because I hate it but saying 'just be confident' is easier said than done when your cheeks get hot and red and your hands start getting shakey and you feel sweaty and start stuttering feeling like you are the biggest misfit in the world just because you created a little awkwardness by not forming a sentence right or being alone when your friends leave you for a sec to get a drink or something. People see it as absolutely normal but my body and mind reacts in such a way that I cannot be normal. I wasn't always like this. Up to age 11 I guess, I was suuuuuper confident. Like very very confident, that kid that would go to talent shows and crack random jokes making everyone laugh. But then stuff happened and I got really badly bullied for a few things when I moved schools. I started changing. Things started going downhill. That was the lowest I've been in my life but it was over after some long years when I caught myself and realised why it was happening to me. I don't get bullied anymore. I have put myself together again and even made friends with the people that bullied me. I had become popular again, it wasn't necessarily their fault. It was my own I guess. Anyways this was a few years back. Now in my new place of study I am really chill with people and I'd say that I actually like my life. But the scars of the bullying? Hmm...they remain all over me. The metaphorical scars. The slashes on my heart. My confidence is still a bit low and it's extremely low when I get trapped if relatives come for a visit or I go to my country to meet ppl that I haven't met in like forever and they're all really cool and I just lose myself and overthink and end up as a big mess. So yeah I prefer one to ones for now. And talking with familiar people on pub. Idk even strangers if they're nice and there aren't like 50 people on there lol. I'm trying to completely erase these scars of what happened to me so I can be 100% confident no matter what the situation is. Ugh I'm trying. And I know that time heals everything. So yaaa if you actually read this, you're amazing ๐Ÿ˜‚โค

  • I have to say, posts like this always resonate with me. When I was a kid, I was just described as 'shy' but these days it would totally be classed as 'social anxiety'. I'd cross the street rather than walk past someone on the pavement it was that bad. And yeah I was bullied for years and that did nothing for my self esteem at school (if you're a bully, you're a twat, and you have no idea of what you're actually inflicting on someone)

    I know now I'm an introvert, but that is only part of the equation, but as I've got older the anxiety has just disappeared. Fine I'm not super happy talking to random strangers at length, but I've got enough years of how to do smalltalk banked that I can at least get by with it.

    For anyone else who does suffer like this I'm not saying it will get better, but it certainly can get better.

  • I personally dig when people come off their perfect status and share their thoughts and insecurities. I can understand that initiating conversations can be scary as I had my fair share of it for a while as well. I doubt that anyone could just come up with a solution for this, but yourself. Yet it is done through wisdom, through knowledge, experiences, hence words like "just be confident"/"just don't care" simply don't work. But I will try to leave you with the insight or, at least, a scent of what made me reckless regarding this. I've always been an advocate of the "what you practice, you get good at at" principle. So, in order to overcome what I feared the most, I had to embrace it. Obviously, I did not start by just jumping into crowds and yelling - I am not that much of a masochist, but rather baby steps: challenge yourself, start an unwanted conversation. Don't let your fight-or-flight response take over your decision, but rather take into account that you're ultimately self-determining. Don't take a bad conversation as being the average, choose to talk to the people you relate to. To end with a happier tone as you yourself did, I am glad that you're attempting to get over it, and even this post, exposing your frame of mind, is a big step, so I am optimistic that you will eventually succeed.

    P.S: You see your over(thinking + feeling) as being a nuisance, but it is not entirely the case. Yes, it sucks to invest a lot of yourself into small things, into your image, but it makes you more humane, more aware of what goes around you. Now I am not trying to contradict everything I've just said, but do not give up on how you truly feel for the sake of being thick-skinned in each and every aspect.

  • @Spoofer Haha thanksss Spoofer. I will try to take more baby steps and not be so harsh on myself if some things go wrong along the way, like a bad conversation, and deem it all as part of the process. ๐Ÿ™‚ you're right about the practice makes perfect part, and how I am more humane for caring so much!

  • One Woman Army Sarah's Fan Club

    it's fine! everyone has their insecurities, and knowing precisely what they are makes it so much easier to deal with them.

    bullying is a terrible thing indeed, it can really shatter your sense of self-worth. schools are toxic environments for shy kids in general tbh
    healing those scars you have is a long process, but you've made good progress already. you seem to have a lovely personality, so it's definitely gonna be worth the effort ๐Ÿ™‚ you'll make it!

  • @LizaJalebi
    I appreciate your honesty, and it shows a lot of strength being able to be honest and admit you deal with this. Proud of you!! I also deal with some social anxiety (along with depression.. and adhd) so if you want to talk to someone else who drives themselves crazy over meaningless stuff, I'm all ears.

  • @silenceiswisdom Thanks for the reply! Yes, looking at the progress I've made, it looks like I have still to make a lot more progress, and it really does get better with time. Seeing that you went from that stage of your anxiety to becoming this confident really makes me happy and gives me hope.

  • @LizaJalebi In my work I have had to do a fair amount of public speaking... used to puke up every time before I had to talk to an audience out of sheer fear. Absolutely love it now. Sometimes exposure therapy just works I guess ๐Ÿ˜‰ I am sure you will get there, if you can already see the progress you're making!

  • @sarah_the_magpie Thank you ๐Ÿฅบ

  • @sup Ayee you can feel free to say anything anyway. Tysm Bhaaga ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’€

  • @LizaJalebi hello i read ur article. nd i want to talk to u can i be a friend โค

  • @MERY-EM Suree

  • @LizaJalebi can we chat. i could'nt send u a msg

  • @Unicorny Aw thanks, and I do hope you're dealing with those things well โค

  • Veteran Mods One Woman Army

    Im happy you wrote about this! Im the kinda person whos excellent at giving "obvious" advice so I'm not really in a position to advise you anything or even talk about it. Well, I'm sure you don't even need it. Stay strong! You're a cool and fun girl my babitaji.

  • stop going outside

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