Olivia's Thoughts #03



  • Goodnight, Morning, Afternoon, or whatever you prefer as a greeting.
    The personal thoughts I want to let out today kind of have to do with me wanting to be better, in the way that is partially the reason why I want to be a better person.
    I don't have a perfect life, of course I don't think anyone does, but I also have nothing to complain about. This is a good thing, I know, but it also feels very wrong.
    You see, I live in a wonderful two story house, my mom is the primary parent in my life but she goes above and beyond to make sure my needs are met and that I'm happy. My family has struggled with financial problems before, but not for a couple of years now. So I live in a beautiful house, with a mom that I would think only existed in cartoons, the cutest dog in the world, I don't see my siblings often but I can say that they are probably the coolest, best people I've ever interacted with, I've been getting a good education -I am currently on summer break but I will return to my studies in the fall-, there is nothing physical that I want or need because I am blessed with people that will give me anything I ask for. I know that everything isn't perfect, but everything around me and my life is as perfect as can be. My family isn't filthy rich, I dont own any awesome expensive sports car, I know there are others with way more than me, but those are physical things. I am talking about people in my life and energy around me is so great that I can honestly say no amount of money could be as good as a life like this.
    So whats the problem here?
    I don't know what I did do deserve this life. I feel so undeserving. I haven't intentionally hurt anyone and I wouldn't consider myself a bad person, but I don't think I'm good enough for the life I was given either.
    I dont know how I feel about God, but if he exists, I cant help but constantly question why he blessed me with more than enough while there are innocent children starving, there are people getting abused, and parents that have to work multiple shifts just to provide for their family. If there are people that are more deserving than me, why was I given such a good life? I dont know what to do with it.
    I've been trying to be a better me not only because I care for myself and those around me, but because I want my wonderful life to be something that I earned, something that I deserve. It kills me to know that I have done absolutely nothing to get to the place that I am at meanwhile others are constantly at work to get a decent living.
    I feel undeserving of my life and I wish I could ask life itself why I was given this, and why others are given so little. I know life is unfair, but never in a million years did I think an unfair life could be this good to me. I don't mean to flaunt the things I have, and I dont want to come off as complaining, but I cant help but feel this wont last forever. I dont think I deserve the things I have, but I am worried that in a blink of an eye it will all go away because so.


  • BEST REPLIES Hella Assassins Fake Moderators

    @OliveOlivia

    You said it earlier in a post that you were 20 and you also just mentioned you are in summer break and that u will return to your studies in fall. So now you are in vacations... which is an awesome part of being a student. And that's your primary job at this time of your life. Your family is doing their best to provide you this wonderful life so that you develop in a wonderful adult that can, eventually provide de same, or better, quality of life to your own family so it's a vicious cycle, you earned that spot by working hard on your duty and by one day giving that kind of feeling to your kids and family.

    If this thought isn't enough do some charity work or find a part-time job to help your family, even if they don't want financial help you can light them down by using your own money for your own things!



  • About the unfair life...

    All the injustice in the world is – as far as we are concerned – only there for one reason: to allow us love each other and compensate... So give, give generously. And be clever about it. Whatever you do, don't just give the next hobo 5$ to spend at the liquor store. Help people get what they really need.

    Woe to those who use the injustice for their own benefit...



  • Actually I just remembered, that my mom once helped a homeless woman find an apartment. Nobody here has to be homeless: the state pays for them, but still some are... it has other reasons. I believe that woman still rents the apartment, even though she tends to sleep outside many a night.

    I found that pretty impressive...



  • @Lurker said in Olivia's Thoughts #03:

    @OliveOlivia

    You said it earlier in a post that you were 20 and you also just mentioned you are in summer break and that u will return to your studies in fall. So now you are in vacations... which is an awesome part of being a student. And that's your primary job at this time of your life. Your family is doing their best to provide you this wonderful life so that you develop in a wonderful adult that can, eventually provide de same, or better, quality of life to your own family so it's a vicious cycle, you earned that spot by working hard on your duty and by one day giving that kind of feeling to your kids and family.

    That's not a vicious cycle... :yum::joy::joy::joy:

    If this thought isn't enough do some charity work or find a part-time job to help your family, even if they don't want financial help you can light them down by using your own money for your own things!

    Practical advice, very good.



  • @OliveOlivia said in Olivia's Thoughts #03:

    @petrapark3r Does that mean I was given a good life to share it?

    Of course! Be clever about it, aye?



  • In your last post you said you wondered if it wasn't fair to act unkind toward unkind people. You have it really well, you have so much good around you, you are rich in kindness. Maybe look at it like that: You can just share it with those who have none.



  • @OliveOlivia You're still at a really early point in your life. What is important is not what you've done to warrant being where you are now, but what you do in the future with what you've been (as you put it) blessed with.



  • @Lurker said in Olivia's Thoughts #03:

    @OliveOlivia
    If this thought isn't enough do some charity work or find a part-time job to help your family, even if they don't want financial help you can light them down by using your own money for your own things!

    I've done and do these things but it doesn't feel like I'm doing a good thing that deserves to be rewarded. They just feel like normal things I should do as a citizen? 😂


  • BEST REPLIES Hella Assassins Fake Moderators

    @OliveOlivia said in Olivia's Thoughts #03:

    @Lurker said in Olivia's Thoughts #03:

    @OliveOlivia
    If this thought isn't enough do some charity work or find a part-time job to help your family, even if they don't want financial help you can light them down by using your own money for your own things!

    I've done and do these things but it doesn't feel like I'm doing a good thing that deserves to be rewarded. They just feel like normal things I should do as a citizen? 😂

    If that was the case charity work wouldn't be so much appreciated :face_with_rolling_eyes: Plus, charity isn't about being a citizen is the feeling of helping someone that needs you :shrug:



  • @Lurker said in Olivia's Thoughts #03:

    @OliveOlivia said in Olivia's Thoughts #03:

    @Lurker said in Olivia's Thoughts #03:

    @OliveOlivia
    If this thought isn't enough do some charity work or find a part-time job to help your family, even if they don't want financial help you can light them down by using your own money for your own things!

    I've done and do these things but it doesn't feel like I'm doing a good thing that deserves to be rewarded. They just feel like normal things I should do as a citizen? 😂

    If that was the case charity work wouldn't be so much appreciated :face_with_rolling_eyes: Plus, charity isn't about being a citizen is the feeling of helping someone that needs you :shrug:

    Is it not part of being a good citizen? Hmm. I think it's at least part of the image. But let me quote the bible another time:

    (1 Cor 13) If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,1 but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

    so, it depends on wether you do things with love, or out of duty. It is not the same deed with or without love and truth. But then again, no matter how good we do, we will never be just in front of God and we'll never deserve all the good we get :shrug:...

    I actually have a personal experience about this. It has always been very hard for me to accept God's mercy and the good things that happened to me, for a myriad of reasons (mainly cause I suck :nerd_face:). But once I realized, accepting the good I don't deserve and God's love for me meant fulfilling His wish (He loves us – despite all – and does desire to be with us – despite all) I began to allow it. For our freely given yes is the only thing we can truly give in return...


  • BEST REPLIES Hella Assassins Fake Moderators

    @petrapark3r

    I'm really an atheist so it's really hard for me to find solace in the bible words or any other similar entity... on the other hand, why do.you need to make charity in order to be good?
    Ppl who committed crimes are often forced to make charity, does that make an good citizens? I've never done charity but I've helped my grandmother most of my life since she is blind and needs some help most of the time, am I not a good citizen cuz I preferred to help my family over charity? I think you are a good citizen when your choices impact the lifestyle of ppl for the best. By helping my grandmother she gets happier, my mom gets more at ease and I feel good and helpful 🤷‍♂️



  • @SynapticMisfire Don't worry about what I'm doing in my 20s I can assure you I'm having my fun and making my 'stupid mistakes', well theyre not mistakes if i don't get caught 😏
    but I actually do think this is a feeling I will have when I get older.
    Got bills to pay? great, ill get a job and be responsible with money.
    Financial problems? that sucks but i know ill have a roof over my head and people to support me.
    You can throw any problem at me but I still live in a privileged first world country with an extremely loving support system that one can only dream of. I don't mean to burst your bubble, in fact I wish what you were saying were to be true, but really its simple.
    I know what kind of problems I face and potentially will face in my future, and I know the kinds that others do.
    I think I just know how to be grateful, and I've learned it at a young age. So many take what they have for granted and I'm sure I do too, but there are multiple times a day where I just sit and appreciate everything that I have. As I get older those things will only get more valuable and I will only become more grateful of what I've been given.



  • @petrapark3r Does that mean I was given a good life to share it?



  • @Matt_Aranha Apart of me feels pressured to do something big and important because I've been blessed with so much. If in the future I accomplish nothing, then what?



  • @OliveOlivia Then worry about it then, when and if it actually happens. Not now.



  • @Matt_Aranha easier said than done 😂



  • @OliveOlivia Ikr 😂



  • @OliveOlivia said in Olivia's Thoughts #03:

    Goodnight, Morning, Afternoon, or whatever you prefer as a greeting.
    The personal thoughts I want to let out today kind of have to do with me wanting to be better, in the way that is partially the reason why I want to be a better person.
    I don't have a perfect life, of course I don't think anyone does, but I also have nothing to complain about. This is a good thing, I know, but it also feels very wrong.
    You see, I live in a wonderful two story house, my mom is the primary parent in my life but she goes above and beyond to make sure my needs are met and that I'm happy. My family has struggled with financial problems before, but not for a couple of years now. So I live in a beautiful house, with a mom that I would think only existed in cartoons, the cutest dog in the world, I don't see my siblings often but I can say that they are probably the coolest, best people I've ever interacted with, I've been getting a good education -I am currently on summer break but I will return to my studies in the fall-, there is nothing physical that I want or need because I am blessed with people that will give me anything I ask for. I know that everything isn't perfect, but everything around me and my life is as perfect as can be. My family isn't filthy rich, I dont own any awesome expensive sports car, I know there are others with way more than me, but those are physical things. I am talking about people in my life and energy around me is so great that I can honestly say no amount of money could be as good as a life like this.
    So whats the problem here?
    I don't know what I did do deserve this life. I feel so undeserving. I haven't intentionally hurt anyone and I wouldn't consider myself a bad person, but I don't think I'm good enough for the life I was given either.
    I dont know how I feel about God, but if he exists, I cant help but constantly question why he blessed me with more than enough while there are innocent children starving, there are people getting abused, and parents that have to work multiple shifts just to provide for their family. If there are people that are more deserving than me, why was I given such a good life? I dont know what to do with it.
    I've been trying to be a better me not only because I care for myself and those around me, but because I want my wonderful life to be something that I earned, something that I deserve. It kills me to know that I have done absolutely nothing to get to the place that I am at meanwhile others are constantly at work to get a decent living.
    I feel undeserving of my life and I wish I could ask life itself why I was given this, and why others are given so little. I know life is unfair, but never in a million years did I think an unfair life could be this good to me. I don't mean to flaunt the things I have, and I dont want to come off as complaining, but I cant help but feel this wont last forever. I dont think I deserve the things I have, but I am worried that in a blink of an eye it will all go away because so.

    This is particularly funny to me because now you are young and you have only one real concern, which is getting an education. So now you can afford to spend time thinking about all this "oh the poor starving children across the world" feelgood nonsense, but you're right, this won't last forever. Soon enough you will reach adulthood and will be faced with your own problems be they financial or any other kind and I am willing to bet that will change you to such a degree that you won't spend as much, if any time thinking about such things. Who knows, maybe you'll even learn to step on other people's heads to get what you want in life like the rest of us.

    But then again, maybe not.

    Edit

    I just now noticed what @Lurker said. You're 20 years old ?
    You're doing your 20's wrong, just go out and make stupid mistakes, now's the time, quit feeling sorry for the state of the world or guilty about your current circumstances.



  • @Lurker I think we are mixing two concepts here.

    Being a "good citizen" is kind of a role you can fall into. Of course there are even different concepts of what that role actually means. For some it apparently includes doing charity, for others it only means helping your closer family.

    I personally think if you have someone who needs your help and time in your family, you are doing perfectly fine by not burying your head in charity work. In fact there might be a myriad of reasons that keeps you from doing charity work without turning you into a bad person :shrug:

    The other concept is love. You can do anything with love or without. You can help the elderly and care or you can do it without caring, maybe just for your image...






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