Easter Sermon 2019

[Indrid Cold]

These days, our world (sigh) is a very dark, distrustful place.

(TWS congregation shifts uneasily at prospect of boring sermon -even @DIV and @Wolfie_11 roll eyes )

I'm reminded of Ultimate Captain America #3 and #4 (Volume ...eh?). Steve Rogers, imprisoned in a CAMBODIAN DEATH CAMP and fresh from being waterboaded, is MANACLED in his cell, awaiting a 'coup de grâce' from his nemesis, the jaded and psychopathic 'vietnam-era' Captain America.
The blastproof door bursts open, and Cap can barely summon the strength to look up. The evil FRANK SIMPSON stands overhead, and is confused ...as the prisoner begins a low, inexplicable murmering. It becomes apparent that Rogers in reciting THE LORDS PRAYER in anticipation of his own death.

To which Simpson just scoffs all the harder. "I'll go away for a bit. When I get back, if your 'God' ain't done nothing to help, that'll just show you're a nutter".

He closes the cell door. Rogers begin to recite his prayer once more, but then notices that a viper has gained entrance under the ramshackle wall. Manacled tho he is, he BITES OPEN the snake, sucks up all poison, holds it in his mouth, waits for Evil Cap to come back and then SPITS IT IN HIS EYE like a man version of Spit the Dog.

An almighty battle ensues in which Rogers is VICTORIOUS. But later, realising that democracy is inherently wonky and can easily lead to the rise of such bellends as the Vietnam Cap, he takes the opportunity to recite THE HOLY BIBLE (the book, not the Manic Street Preacher's album) at his enemy's bedside.

Nuff said, True Beliebers. HaPpY EaStEr.