I actually have a lot of thoughts on this discussion thus far. So much so that - depending on how this reply goes - I may just write up a separate, second post that breaks down and delves into various concepts more in-depth per-paragraph, each separated thematically (for the sake of better clarity in what is hopefully a more cogent, coherently constructed argument).
But for right now, I'm just gonna go in a chronological/comment-reply fashion from top-to-bottom to make sure I don't miss anything in my initial response. Apologies in advance if this post seems a bit verbose or long-in-tooth
Sometimeslife gives you with various options wherein you have to chose the best suited one
I'd argue that this is pretty much always going to be the case. It's just that the decisions we make with respect to daily or commonplace trivialities almost seem mundane by comparison to those choices which have a significant impact on the manner in which your future unfolds that said latter group stand out to us as defining moments. Certainly more so than, say, when you had to choose whether to turn a doorknob clockwise or counter-clockwise.
This may seem like a minor point to quibble about. And ordinarily, I'd agree with that sentiment, this should be a readily obvious fact that barely warrants further mention. But the way in which you frame "life" in the rest of your original post and subsequent replies as if it were some sort of anthropomorphic sentient entity that itself is "choosing" to hand you/me/us these subset of difficult/seemingly impossible/or "UnFair" (as you put it) choices makes it ever more important to pause and recognize that this is simply the state of affairs in every single aspect of our lives -- from the meaningless and inconsequential decisions to the high-pressure heart-wrenching or soul-crushing ones -- the very fact that every particle that comprises your being no longer resides in the infinitely dense singularity "prior" to the big bang which expanded the spacetime continuum across our known universe to the state in which you and I find ourselves today means that... yeah, time isn't happening all at once in a singularly dense point of all decisions and all possibilities happening simultaneously. We human beings are three-dimensional protrusions of metabolic matter that only ever experiences time flowing in one direction: from the immutably fixed past, to the malleable and actionable ever-present now, to the amorphous and uncertain future that's yet to materialize ahead of us. This necessarily implies that you can't go back and "undo" a choice you've made in favor of another one. That goes for what you had for breakfast or how you handled your last breakup. The best we can do is learn from our past experiences (in the present), visualize an ideal future we'd like to strive towards (in the present moment), and take what seem to be the most appropriate action to get us from point A to B (by being present in the moment when those opportunities arise).
Ah, but I think I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here lol. Like I said, I have lots of thoughts on this. I'll do a dedicated differentiation between these various ideas at the end or in a separate reply. Moving on to the next segment of how you've chosen to frame this peculiar state of affairs that we call existential reality, i.e. "life"
On the contrary
when life has already decided to ruin it all for you, none but only the closed doors/ways/paths are the one's that appear right ahead of you..
Yep, see, I definitely did jump ahead as I already addressed some of this. That's what I get for trying to address you from memory rather than paying attention to the portion I actually quoted lmao.
So, yeah, you're attributing characteristics to "life" here that I don't think are actually helpful (or even necessarily justified and true). How is it beneficial to your decision making capabilities to conceive of "life" as something akin to the 3 sisters of fate from greek mythology, controlling every aspect of your life like a puppeteer gleefully snipping and chopping away the strings with a witchlike cackle till you're left with bad to impossible decisions?
I get that we all can feel a bit powerless at times, but trust me, this isn't a healthy outlook to subscribe to in the long term as it will eventually, inevitably, invariably lead to a defeatist mentality. A sort of "well, why should I bother with anything anymore, I wasn't able to get the guy or girl of my dreams because it just wasn't written in the stars and the planets weren't aligned in my favor / I couldn't get that career path defining promotion, because it wasn't the will of the gods and/or the fates were conspiring against me / I will never be able to (insert idealized variable X here) because (insert the constant Y of a cosmic force that's completely outside of your control here)"
I agree and can even empathize with you on the fact that life is full of regrets for decisions we wish we could take back. I'll even cop to the fact that sometimes (important distinction here, not "always" because this isn't an "absolute" or "universal" truth. It is, definitionally speaking situational in nature) none of those options seem ideal as they're all bad choices which will lead to various variations of disastrous consequences and we're left with the unenviable task of having to choose between the lesser of two or more evils in order to minimize the potential damage. I get the plight behind your sentiments @_divv_roxx_ I really truly sincerely do...
...but I think you're failing to account for the fact that we are thinking, sentient, self-reflective creatures. We are beings who are capable of learning and growing. Who's to say that you won't be able to see a better path ahead the next time you're faced with an impossible ultimatum? At the very least, I can tell you from my personal past experiences that my ability to be tactical when faced with an unforseen challenge (and most certainly to be able to strategize and direct my actions accordingly to appropriately anticipate difficulties and hardships that I know will eventually come my way) have grown by leaps and bounds with each and every trial and conundrum I've had to face in life over the years. Also, if my word alone isn't enough, there seem to be a fuckton of books and memoirs scattered across the globe written by people way smarter than me going back decades and centuries, all of whom seem to suggest this capacity is an inherent birthright of our human condition as well
Its definitely hard to carve out from that very moment, and the chances are too not very fair..
See the last paragraph I wrote immediately prior to this one.
If it helps, I've come to think of it as being somewhat analogous to playing a chess game. Pretty much after the second or third opening move onwards none of your decisions are going to be 100% perfectly ideal... because it's no longer an empty and expansive board full of possibilities anymore. Every move you make from that point on is in response to the opposing force that you face. Whether you position pieces to block an advance, to confront a threat, to divide and conquer, to retreat and strengthen your own defenses, etc etc, that's all entirely up to you based on what the situation calls for. But I can assure you, NONE of that will feel perfectly ideal in the moment... but so long as you keep in mind that your goal is to capture their king and win the game, you will always, always, always be able to ascertain what is the best move that you can make in that circumstance with respect to your overarching goal.
Sure, you might have to give up an advantageous position in the short-term, or your most versatile asset might get pinned down in the mid-game, or you might even have to make the tough call to do a sacrifice play with your most potent pieces near the endgame... so long as each of those decisions leads to an opening, a new possible path forward that didn't exist for you prior to that point, I'd say it's worth it. It doesn't matter if it's your queen, your bishop, your knight, or even the often overlooked "foot-soldier" pawn that you advance forward to corner your counterpoint across the board, you'll be able to pull off a win -- even if it's by the slimmest of margins. Heck, you could even put your own neck on the line and move the kingpiece forward for that final pincer maneuver. It may seem silly, or dangerous, stumbling one step at a time towards a seemingly impossible prize - but with each step you take you confront the possibilities, opening some new ones, closing the door on others. At a very high-level birds-eye view, this is an abstraction of your own position in life as well. One decision at a time, one moment at a time - that's all we can do.
Sorry if you're not much of a chess aficionado and this analogy isn't really helping lol, but I'm just trying to draw a parallel between the "short skirmishes" or "noisy battles" that require quick and tactical decision-making on your part (whether in chess, or in life) vs "the wars" that wage over the course of your entire lifetime (on the chessboard, or on planet earth) which require a bit more finesse, perspective, and strategy to navigate through successfully. Do you try to "win" this fight between you and your friend, your family member, your significant other, your professional colleague, etc? Or do you tactically, tactfully, decline to cause damage, recognizing that expending your energies here doesn't accomplish much in the long term and instead focus on whatever underlying issues are causing these points of friction and contention and outbursts in your interpersonal relationships with family, friends, loved ones, career partners, etc? I won't pretend like any of these judgement calls will ever be "easy" or the most "ideal" either - but it is true that you definitely do learn to become more reflective and cognizant of how your decisions will impact yourself and others over time.
But that will only come with time and experience I'm afraid. And, once again, I can't stress this enough: with recognizing what your overall objective is. Without a clear goal to strive towards, the moves you make in life won't gain you any momentum (just as your chess moves on the board will seem directionless, lacking the drive to survive and come out ahead). So first figure out what it is that you want for yourself. For your health, your wealth, your happiness, the well-being of those around your familial / platonic / professional relationships... whatever it may be from the first-person perspective of your kingpiece, you set your sights on it and take aim. After that point, don't even worry about framing it in terms of un/fair dis/advantages. You make moves towards your goals, and even if they aren't the perfect solution you will know that given the circumstances and all the information at your disposal you chose the best possible path forward. And even for that not-perfect strategem that you chose to move forward with, if you happen to not stick the landing and make a tactical misstep along the way - don't frame it in your mind as a "mistake" - it's a learning moment. You don't make mistakes, you make adjustments, and you continue to forge ahead towards your ideal. So who gives a flying f*ck if the chances of survival are a thousand to one? You forget the thousand. You focus on the one. And you grind like hell to push past the odds and actualize the outcome that you've envisioned.
To be literally honest, "THE ENTIRE WORLD" seems like falling/tearing apart..
I think you're being metaphorical here, not literal.
Either way, this statement is a bit too generic to adequately address without knowing the specifics of what you're alluding to.
I don't mind responding in a future reply, so long as you can clarify what exactly you're referencing here when you say "THE ENTIRE WORLD"
The worst is the molten deep engraved thoughts within you, which you've not been able to set aside, eventually lead to where you are as of now with hardly anyone to hold your back
Ah, see, you've touched on a topic here that I think requires a more elaborated answer: The relationship of habitual thinking vs novel insights. Are our brains only always and forever doomed to fire along already established neural-pathways, i.e. "deeply engraved thoughts" as you put it? Or is it possible for new synaptic connections to be made? For new neural pathways to be forged? For new thoughts, ideas, insights and paradigms of perspective?
Unfortunately... I'm looking at this long ass reply and I'm hesitant to write that second post after all So the short version is that, scientifically speaking, your brain is capable of something called neuroplasticity. So, sure, even if it is true that we are creatures of habit, it will always be possible and within your grasp to learn new things and see situations in a different, new, unique and novel manner that simply escaped your perspective prior to that point. So as paradoxical as this may sound, as much as your mind can get "stuck in a rut" it is also entirely plausible for it to become a malleable and adaptable imaginatrix of ideation.
Oh, also, if you're interested in the TL;DR versions of my previous replies, I was referring to the philosophical ideas of "determinism vs libertarianism" in which I've sortof taken the middle-ground stance of "compatibilism" i.e. I don't think we have free-will, but I don't think that we're choiceless robots following the domino-fall programming of the universe either -- I just take the "free" part out of free-will. To use the prior chess analogy, I can't move my pieces willy-nilly however the hell I want wherever I want and whenever I want all across the board, there are definite strictures and restrictions placed upon where I can position each piece and in what manner it will traverse the board. However, understanding those rules/limitations placed upon my choices (and, again, having an objective of winning the game in mind) I can and always will be able to determine what is the best possible move I can make towards that goal and decide to do so.
@justB : As long as you don't make a choice, everything remains possible.
I VIOLENTLY DISAGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT!!!
It may sound good theoretically, on paper. But realistically speaking, in practical application, this hardly ever holds true.
As I wrote earlier, time is always marching ahead, even if you don't make a decision. So it's simply untrue to suggest that "everything remains possible" when new possibilities arise as old ones dissapear with each second that ticks by on the ever progressing clock. This problem gets even more complicated when compounded with the fact that there are other human beings, thinking agents who are also capable of making decisions, and the choices that they make for each moment you haven't decided to act have a definite and measurable impact on the landscape of what possibilities remain available to you.
I still espouse the fact that reflection and carefully thought out deliberation leads to more well informed decision making. So, yes, carefully consider the consequences of your actions rather than choosing thoughtlessly... but it's foolhardy to pretend that all things in the universe remain equal while you ponder the possibilities.
And this is why, while advocating for you to take a moment in the present to reflect on the past and plan out what future you want a hand in creating, I'm also highlighting the fact that the "possibilities" are an ever-changing landscape - and so you must also be able to recognize and discern where and when being intelligently opportunistic is called for. Because that particular opportunity isn't going to be there a month, a minute, a moment from now (especially if time isn't the only factor in play and another person who has already learned the value of intelligent opportunism chooses to pounce on that possibility, snatching the choice from you due to your inaction)
So... yes, take a moment, be fully present, and breathe. Carefully consider what your aspirations are, what it takes to make that a reality... and recognize when the most opportune moment arrives, and act without remorse or regret. Don't get caught up in analysis paralysis as life passes you by. You will never have a total compendium of all the knowledge in the universe required to make the perfectly informed decision. Certainly time isn't going to pause for you while accumulate that knowledge, nor are other people and forces that limit and hinder your choices. But you can make a reasonably well-informed decision based on all the information you've gathered that is currently available to you right now. You can gauge the competition, calculate the probabilities, and create new possibilities for yourself by seizing the moment without delay when it counts the most.
And again, don't be afraid of making mistakes with this method.
- Ever seen an artist make an initially accidental smudge work to their advantage as that part of the painting is transformed into a unique whorl in the tree or a jagged point along the mountainside?
- If a sculptor chisels the wrong spot or makes a mistake while carving, they'll keep working without worry, revising and incorporating the new shape till you can't tell the difference.
- If you miss a note while playing a melody, the metronome keeps ticking, and you can choose to either pause playing your instrument or keep the rhythm going as you recover and complete that musical composition.
There are no such things as mistakes, only lessons learned as you make adjustments accordingly and incorporate your new (never 100% ideal) position into your next move.
You get to a point where you think about what if you say YES instead of NO. Most likely the story would have been different
@_divv_roxx_ : Yes, I completely agree, one always has choices to make. But 'Choices' aren't ever any great deal to make. When you have already reached out to the extreme level of saturation, the "choices" do come with their own limitations/fallbacks
@justB : All the choices have consequences. If I were to think about all the choices I made, I would get a headache. You can think rationally or do things on impulse. Do not overthink your choice, just go with the flow and see where it gets you.
I VIOLENTLY AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT!!!
It's a curious paradox, isn't it? To "go with the flow" or "plan it all out to perfection." In most instances, I think utilizing a bit of both approaches serves us best: i.e. "figure out what I wanna do, to the best of my ability... and then, when the critical moment comes.. wing it / play it by ear / improvise accordingly as the situation evolves"