Share your problems with Sir Devil

  • @mirage-again Well, for starters, I would suggest you find a hobby. It could be anything but it must be something that you love. You should do it whenever you can. By doing something that you love, you would feel rewarded and thus, elevate your mood. It would act both as a distractor and a stress buster. This is a patchwork for emotional dependency and mild depression. You could apply it throughout your life by expanding upon the hobbies. For example, my mom who had a semi-solid relationship with my father did this by first working out and getting in shape and then started photography and now has started singing. It is working great in improving her emotional state. I hope it might help you too...

  • @sir-devil 👏 . Though it's true to take care of oneself first in order to take care of others. But being a wife, mother and a Doctor by profession, it looks too difficult to pursue a hobby. Still, I know, it's only me,who can help myself. Thank you Sir D.

  • Hello, sir!
    I don't know what to do... I have a best friend, let's call him D , I tell him everything even darkest, most shameful things about me. We used to live together as roommates before. I really deeply care about him, he is like a brother to me. We are friends for over 5 years now.
    But he is very secretive. He isn't really talkative either. I know like facts of his biography. I've met his parents, his childhood friends. I grew up in foster care mostly, was abused physically and emotionally. for a period of time even sexually.(Important to the problem)

    But here comes the bad part. When we used to be roommates we rented a studio together when we both just turned 18. We worked at the same place, same schedule, so we were together 24/7. Both of us are straight dudes.(Important to the story). We had mutual friends and coworkers.

    With two of them C and F, we used to be really close friends, both me and my best friend D. But both those dudes were gay. We saw no problem with that.

    But it all went to hell when C told me that he is in love with my best friend D. I told him, I don't like that, but he has to tell D that himself. He was a really good friend. So he did, D reacted calmly, but told him that he is straight and it isn't mutual. I couldn't hang out with both of them, so i barely saw C anymore, only at work.

    C told this story to F, who is also gay (all our other friends are straight in case you wondering). So F was like really chill about all of this. We still hanged out: me, D and F. So one night we all had too much to drink and our apartment was closest, so we just decided to let him crash at our place on the pull-out sofa for the night. A decision I deeply regret.

    I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, I got up and saw D in bed on the pull-out with F, D on top of F, actively making out. Under one blanket. So it was he who came to F.

    I was so shocked!!!! I just stood there for a moment and had to hurry to the toilet. I proceeded to the bathroom, could not hold it any longer. When I came back they still were in the same bed but under separate blankets, pretended to be asleep.

    I didn't know what to do. But definitely couldn't sleep. So I sat at my desk with a laptop, put headphones on but it right across them, so I look at them over my laptop. They definitely understood that I caught them. I went to the balcony to smoke, for a couple of minutes, just to give them a chance to get dressed if they weren't.
    When I came back they were in two different beds. I sat back at the desk. Looking right at both of them. I got really angry about this. At one point I saw D peek to see if i went to bed. Our eyes met, he definitely got that i was mad. So he turned away. they pretended to be asleep or fell asleep( i don't know for how long this went on).

    Couple ours later as public transportation started working, I woke F up, told him to collect his stuff and go. He told me i was messed up! But he went.

    Next day at work D avoided me entirely, wouldn't even meet my stare. Went out to lunch with F. But had to come home after work. He wrote to me on Facebook a message that he is sorry, that he fucked up, that he is disgusted by F. He doesn't know what got into him, nothing like this will happen again. He was really distraught. I was enraged.

    So when we came home after work, we had a discussion about it. I didn't hide my disgust and anger. So we agreed that he is going to tell F that he is not our friend anymore and to never contact D or me. I went even further and actually made a threat on the life of F, I told F if I catch him talking to D. Couple days on I did, so I beat him up badly, no broken bones thankfully. I do martial arts as a hobby(MMA). I told him if i ever saw his ass around even our block, I will use my gun to kill him even if it is the last thing I do. So F quit work couple weeks later, never saw him again.

    I hacked D's laptop ( I am tech. security specialist in IT) and were over controlling about where he went and who he spoke to( i know it sounds sick, but I just wanted to make sure he isn't preyed upon again. It's my take on the situation, maybe I'm in the wrong).

    Life went on, we made new friends, everything was fine. When our lease expired I went to live with my girlfriend at the time. D was able to rent by himself, I did not abandon him. I kept a close eye on him. I kept monitoring his activities.

    But he figured it out, I made a mistake he noticed. We had a fight.
    He was mad at me for about 6 months. Then a mutual friend invited both me and my gf, and D for his promotion celebration dinner. He was not aware of the entire situation, but he knew I hacked D and thought that was it. So he made me apologize to D privately in his presence, he arranged it, said D missed me, I missed my best friend too. So we hugged and I invited D to our apartment. I told him how much I missed him and that i was engaged to my gf and started planning a wedding. He was really happy for me.

    We reconnected immediately, in a month I made him my groomsman. Then I found out by gf cheated on me (i tracked her to her lovers apartment, broke in, caught them in the act, beat him, he ended up in ICU ) and called off the wedding. D was by my side whole time, supported me through this darkest time of my life. I took on heavy drinking, lost my job and lease on the apartment. D offered to move in with him on condition of sobering up. I agreed.

    So I got sober in two months, got another job, got my own place. everything was fine again. Was seeing a therapist regularly.

    So years went on. I quit therapy. We would hang out every weekend with D. He didn't date anyone and I obviously couldn't after such trauma. But recently when we discussed a couple of girls across us in a bar, I said I probably could use a one night stand. Jokingly I told him he had 5 seconds to pick which one he wanted to pursue and he casually told me that he didn't want to. And after a pause, he took a deep breath(looking me in the face) and said that he is questioning his sexuality.

    It was two days ago. I don't know what to do. We aren't 18 anymore, so if he made a decision that it is important to tell me, he made up his mind. You must understand I am not open-minded anymore after all of the ordeals we went through. But i really care about him and want him in my life. But also it is clear to me I won't be able to keep my cool at some point for sure. I really don't know what to do. It is killing me to even think I'll have to cut ties with D. But I just can't deal with it. Please help me.What should i do?????

  • @emily I'm facing the end of my semester and hence, I have a lot of work to do and hence, I can't afford to spend my time on anything else and that's the reason I'm not active much these days.

  • @willoww Lol, I'm not dead..... yet

  • With my Internals over, I would be online for a while, guys. Why am I telling this? Well, you know... If someone wants to share their problem...

  • Is it bad to want only good for people even if it meant sacrificing your own happiness? If no why do people look at me like I am some kind of freak saying "You're not human! You should be selfish! " And why do some people find it weird and pity me because I am always smiling saying "Your mom use to have cancer and you're still able to smile?! What a freak?!"
    Am I really that bad should I change?

  • @lonely_wolf Maybe you are afraid that if D is gay you won't be able to look at him the same way because you will know that he is attracted to men (maybe including you) and you don't want to lose that bond that you have with D (is that correct? If not plz correct me)
    I can only say that only time can reveal the truth, but try to be more open and sit and discuss the matter with him face to face and calmly so that you can understand each other and please I am begging you: do not built too much hope because the higher your hopes will be the harder you will fall. And be prepared mentally for a shocking answer so that way you won't hurt yourself nor your dear friend.
    If you need more advice feel free to contact me and thanks for hearing me out.

  • You could message me if you want to share it anonymously...

  • find a hobby. it could be anything. keep working on it

  • @alwaysstranger I am sorry for what had happened in your life. You deserve better. If you feel lonely, you could talk with me. At least you could tolerate me until you find a friend that you won't just let you go. I may be a stranger but I could keep you company.

  • @alwaysstranger and dream big because it is what that's makes us who we are. Dream big and work on that dream because no matter what, the effort we make won't go wasted. I believe in you.

  • @alwaysstranger 20

  • @alwaysstranger I'm sorry again but that was an older message and I changed my opinion after reading your previous messages.

  • @sir-devil and this is the first time I had tried giving advice to strangers. So, please tolerate and endure me... I just want to help in some way that i can

  • @sir-devil so if you want to talk about anything in the future you could talk with me. I would be going offline for now as I got an exam tomorrow. So, Goodbye. for me.

  • @alwaysstranger B.Sc Physics

  • So anyone want to talk about something, today...

  • @alwaysstranger thank you

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