Just don't do it please

[Willow]

@boots22 These are my favorite posts. Because it shows me that there are people out there who care.
The first time I attempted suicide, i was 12 years old. I had been experiencing severe abuse from my stepdad. And i decided that there wasnt a future for me. And i popped those pills. But yet...i woke up in the hospital. I had lived when I shouldnt have. A miracle is what they called it.
Just because i was a living miracle, did not mean I was happy and willing to turn my life around. I had severe depression and horrible anxiety. Most days it felt like it would be easier to be dead. Not that i wanted to be, i just felt that way.
And so I attempted four more times. I tried drugs twice, didnt work. Cutting my wrists. And the final straw for my mom was holding a gun to my head.
Never had I seen a care from my mom. She was a huge druggie and alcoholic. And when I moved in with my stepdad, she became...so distant. Often watched as he beat my face to a pulp. Laughing or just flat ignoring.
This was the only time i can remember at all my mom coming out of her high/drunken haze. And telling me not to do it. But God, I wanted to.
I gave myself this chance. My stepdad began to lay off me when i faded into the background. And so thats what i did. My grandma said that i needed to give life a chance. And things were good. My depression and anxiety still existed, but I was able to tame them just enough to seem normal.
Until he raped me. And impregnated me. The shame and trauma of those days ripped me apart. But I found one person, my grandma, who kept me going. Do yourself a favor, and find yourself that person.
When I moved in with my grandma
and we moved to the US, I had a new
positive mindset. She gave me the strength to keep going.
When I was sixteen I attempted suicide again. Cuts to the wrist. All because i never thought I could be loved. I didnt think that I could ever be attractive or cared for. But one lesson i learned, is to be patient. Because littl did I know, after I came out of my coma, my biggest crush was planning to ask me to prom the next day. But my suicide attempt tore away from that.
I did attempt suicide when i was 18, unimportant because i think you get the trend. The last time I attempted suicide was last month. And here is why i tell you this.
Most people feel that it is the end, their depression consumes them. Or that death would be easier for themselves and/or others.
I know I have felt all of these. Felt worthless. My depression, anxiety, panic, and PTSD leads to thoughts like this almost daily. But i remind myself how much patience has given me. So when you think of alllll the negatives. Think about positives. And if you cant, remember how far you have made it. Think about the finish line to the bad day/phase. You could almost be out of it, but you will never know, unless you persist. You will never know if you are dead. And you will never give yourself that opportunity, because you are the only one that can take the opportunity for a future away.
If I can do it, trust me, you can too

[BOOTS22]

@willoww damn, I didnt realize it was that much! Seriously you only told me like a tiny bit. Seriously you deserve like a medal or something for enduring all that! You habe got to be the toughest bish I've ever met! Keep your head up please I can't loose you! I needs mah family! 🙏

[rebelw.acause]

At first when I saw this title, I thought, "Whatever, someone's probably just trying to get attention." But after I've read some of @boots22 's posts, I kind of figured that this might be important. I read this a while ago, but I completely broke down and cried. That's kind of crazy, because I don't really cry (I've learned how to and how not to). I've known so much too early, and in middle school I know a lot of things even college-aged people don't know. It hurts and some days, all I want to do is kill myself. I have a battlefield of scars. Scars, bruises, scabs, and open bleeding cuts from my own doing. I just want boots and everyone else who has helped me make it this far to know that I love them (don't take that weirdly) and I thank them with the cut and bleeding heart that I have. Thanks guys, keep it up. Thank you soooooooooo much again. And now I should stop typing because my laptop is going to shortcircuit from the tears I'm crying right now.

[BOOTS22]

@noonenightsky hey trust me I know what your a feeling and its not fun so seriously jjst keep your head up! And there's nothing wrong with crying it just shows how yoy have been strong for to long.