At first when I saw this title, I thought, "Whatever, someone's probably just trying to get attention." But after I've read some of @boots22 's posts, I kind of figured that this might be important. I read this a while ago, but I completely broke down and cried. That's kind of crazy, because I don't really cry (I've learned how to and how not to). I've known so much too early, and in middle school I know a lot of things even college-aged people don't know. It hurts and some days, all I want to do is kill myself. I have a battlefield of scars. Scars, bruises, scabs, and open bleeding cuts from my own doing. I just want boots and everyone else who has helped me make it this far to know that I love them (don't take that weirdly) and I thank them with the cut and bleeding heart that I have. Thanks guys, keep it up. Thank you soooooooooo much again. And now I should stop typing because my laptop is going to shortcircuit from the tears I'm crying right now.

Depression and Suicide; I fight them with Twenty One Pilots, a knife, or just staring at a black wall

Beagles

I mean, this isn't just cool and morally right or anything. This. is. what. I've. Been. Looking. For. I mean, this is amazing. No one just stands up like this anymore. You don't just see this...like really. So thank you.

Because, like love, it hurts because "it's real".

ok: quarantine was the best fucking thing to happen to me. ever. it was the spring, so it wasn't too hot, not too cold. i would get all my school done in at most 3-4 hours, get a shower early, and have all this time to work on improving my makeup, fashion sense, biking, working out at least 1 1/2 hours a day, reading, all of it. my self-confidence was inSANELY high, i never got lonely, and my emotions were better than normal (PMSing and periods aside). i was so happy, and i viewed being single a freedom, not being lonely.

skip to now: i'm in school 5 days a week. i have to wear a mask, which honestly isn't a problem except when i need to run and breathe heavily or my nose is running. but i have face problems now - dryness, acne, etc. i've tried everything. i have gym 5 days a week for the next month or two, so i wear sweatpants (rather than the uniform) because we can't get changed. but sweatpants make me insecure. i'm insanely insecure now about my body and personality and looks in general. i'm depressed, worried, anxious, and lonely. how TF did this happen?

anyway :) have a nice day/night

hey! i understand what you're going thru...i met this amazing guy a few years ago, but we broke up, and he left. i miss him a lot...i saw him the other day and will see him again on tuesday. but something to keep in mind is that our memories are always blurred, tinted by the emotions we feel and felt. i tend to overromanticise the past...i'm not sure if that's something u can relate to, but that happens a lot when looking back on previous relationships. but if you know in your heart that you love her and she loved you and you were meant to be, i'd say reach out to her! go for it! but if, deep down inside of you, you know it's not meant to be, then cherish those memories. hold on to them, remembering them in peace, not in bitterness or guilt. be thankful that you had those times, but learn to embrace the fact that you will never be able to make new times with her. and then let it go. stop wishing to go back, stop hoping for her to reach out. learn to love "now", because right now is such a beautiful time.

omg that is amazing

I have a friend. And we'll just name him Isaiah. He is a pretty good friend. And that's because of depression. He wants to kill himself. And so do I. But I swear to y'all, to the girl on the streets, to the boy with the knife, to y'all on the edge of that 7 story building, ready to jump, that it's okay. I understand you. I understand your suicide. I understand why you hold that knife, I know why you are on that building. but I also understand why it took you so long to grab the knife. And i understand why you hesitate before jumping. I am there for you and I think that all suicidal and depressed people should stay alive and if for no other reason, stay alive for me, stay alive for the other people. there's always someone who needs you. I know a lot of people who are mad at me right now because they think I'm hypocritical because I want to kill myself and I cut alot and I am so fricking suicidal. But I swear, I'd rather other people stay alive. Because it's so hard to tell myself what I tell you. I am here for you. Other people are there for you ( I swear it on everything). Twenty One Pilots is here. Don't Die. It'll Be Okay.

Hey, (havent been on for forever so just saw all of my notifications :grin: ) Thanks for posting this bc (some of) us girls are done with this shit. Don't get me wrong, girls, I'm not calling u who aren't sick of it w****s or anything, but JUST TO LET U KNOW GUYS u touch me, I will bite your damn hand off, or die trying. (I'm kinda in a bad mood just 2 let u know :) ). So again, thx for being like that one guy who actually appreciates girls for who they are, not what they have. Keep bein' urself :) :)

ok but like he's not even that cute, and i could do way better...or that's what my friends say. but i can't even lie, he's got the nicest personality...not like a rude pervy dick that most guys are now. but he's just friendly, and i don't think he's into me, but i want him to. god, i want him to so fucking bad. i could like him a lot...if i let myself. but he's just so nice and he makes me laugh genuinely, and he's got like - pure intentions, not using girls for sex or that shit. and that's why i (in a stupid cliche) think he isn't like any other guy i've met.
and the other side of me says he's just like all the other dipshits i've met - horny and abusive. or at least a liar. and i tell myself there's nothing special about him, and we could never be right together.
but something about me just wishes he'd like me, that he'd really actually see me and notice me. i really wish i could know he was blushing, not just think i'm imagining it.
and all my emotions got me thinking - fuck, i'm doing it again. i'm going to fuck up what could have been the best friendship literally ever. and it makes me angry that i even feel like this or think these things but fuck it. geez.
at least i made him curse. which he never does.
at least i make him smile sometimes.
at least we talk a little

anyone else? after last march, i haven't been able to have a crush. i can't catch feelings.
teens are painted as party animals. they drink, they go out every friday and saturday and kick it with their friends. they're in love 24/7, and they're super rebellious.
then tell me why 11 at night is late, i go to work on Friday and Saturday nights, and i rarely drink. and i can't fall in love.
does anybody else feel this way, or is it just me and my psychosis??

okay so i started online school this year (im in high school), and i'm just really unmotivated and distracted. anyone up for being a study buddy...?

1. be happy again
2. see europe/the uk
3. meet/thank someone in person who has helped me through life without knowing it
4. get a tattoo...or several
5. i'm leaving it open

not sure if anybody knows who this is, but i used to be somewhat close with a guy named @BOOTS22 and he hasn't been on in over a year. has anyone heard of what's up with him? did he leave and i didn't hear?? just worried...there are a number of other ppl, but this one specifically. if anyone's heard from/of him, please let me know.

hey! i understand what you're going thru...i met this amazing guy a few years ago, but we broke up, and he left. i miss him a lot...i saw him the other day and will see him again on tuesday. but something to keep in mind is that our memories are always blurred, tinted by the emotions we feel and felt. i tend to overromanticise the past...i'm not sure if that's something u can relate to, but that happens a lot when looking back on previous relationships. but if you know in your heart that you love her and she loved you and you were meant to be, i'd say reach out to her! go for it! but if, deep down inside of you, you know it's not meant to be, then cherish those memories. hold on to them, remembering them in peace, not in bitterness or guilt. be thankful that you had those times, but learn to embrace the fact that you will never be able to make new times with her. and then let it go. stop wishing to go back, stop hoping for her to reach out. learn to love "now", because right now is such a beautiful time.

has anyone else been coming to the end of themselves lately or is that just me? i'm so lonely, and i don't think that that will ever change. i should really be studying, but what's the point of that? i just want my dad to love me. i just want to be loved. i wish my birth mom could see me now and yet i don't want her to - would she be proud? is anyone proud of me? i have a 4.0 gpa from this year, i've managed 3 sports since i'm not athletic and can't play them, stuck through handbells the entire year, made two new friends (which is huge for me because i'm shy and awkward), and developed a fashion sense. i've made it an entire year following my parents' rules on not having any sort of relationship with anyone. the summer is coming, but i'm scared nothing will change. i'll still be stressed because my dad hates me. i'll still want to be white and skinny and gorgeous and strong. i'll still be getting in trouble for stupid shit. i'll still want to end myself. i'm going to be 16, and i don't remember what being happy feels like. i want to escape. i want to sleep and wake up refreshed. i'm so exhausted. i'm so exhausted. i just want to lay down, safe in someone's arms, and sleep for years. or forever. i want to be so sick i die because i can't kill myself. i want to believe people would care. i want to be free. i want to be gone. and what scares me even more is that i might be the only one who feels this way. it feels like everyone around me are meeting their "someone" and hanging out with friends and having fun, while i stay at home and cry in bed with my hand over my mouth. is it bad that i'm attracted to middle-aged men who are kind and amazing people and just absolutely fucking brilliant? is it bad that i can't tell whether i'm bi or not? is it bad that i watch the people who are happy around me and desperately wish i was them? is it bad that i just want to feel okay? i miss all these people that i've never even met, and the years are passing too quickly and too slowly in my head. my parents don't agree with me politically, which makes them angry, and i get in trouble in the end; i don't understand my parents' rules. my dad has grabbed me and shoved me to the ground before because he's gotten so angry. i can't remember much of my childhood from trauma, but i vividly remember watching my dad hurt my newly adopted 2 year old sister so hard, her lip started bleeding, making my brother cry. was sexual abuse the only trauma i encountered, or was i physically abused too? i can't remember. i want to feel well again. i feel so sick.

This is a place where people hook up, and weird-ass stuff goes down, but I have all these emotions inside of me and absolutely no where to go, so here you go, TWS.
I'm so fucking lonely. I have not a single good friend on earth, only people who make my insecurities worse. I'm rehabbing from an ED i struggled with last year, and though I've gained weight, I still feel ugly and want to starve myself. I'm so tired. I have an entire fucking essay to write, but I don't even know where to start because it's on a topic I don't care about. I wish someone would just tell me to get in bed with them so they can hold me through the night, helping me sleep the entire night through. Because most nights, I'll wake up at 3 or 4 and spend the rest of the night, wishing I wasn't all alone. I can't remember the last time I was happy; and that's not the last time I smiled or laughed...I mean the last time I was at peace in my heart, content and okay. Safe. Protected. Loved. I was sexually assaulted at age 7, so I can never have sex. That's just not something I can do. But I don't want to be alone. I'm about to turn 16, and I won't have done anything with my life. I just want to be okay. I want to stop being so fully exhausted, I want to stop crying all the time, I want to feel like someone's going to come home and put their arms around me. I want to know I can slow dance with someone and have these cute moments without feeling like they're going to rape me or do something twisted. Because i can love, I can take care of you when you're feeling down, help you with literature or freaking history. I'll never cheat, I'll never try to hurt you. But I'm just so broken down and so, so tired and sad. And I don't know why. And no one will do anything about it. No one cares.
So that's it
stay safe.
love you
x

i want to die. that's it. that's the post. don't slam me for it.

ok: quarantine was the best fucking thing to happen to me. ever. it was the spring, so it wasn't too hot, not too cold. i would get all my school done in at most 3-4 hours, get a shower early, and have all this time to work on improving my makeup, fashion sense, biking, working out at least 1 1/2 hours a day, reading, all of it. my self-confidence was inSANELY high, i never got lonely, and my emotions were better than normal (PMSing and periods aside). i was so happy, and i viewed being single a freedom, not being lonely.

skip to now: i'm in school 5 days a week. i have to wear a mask, which honestly isn't a problem except when i need to run and breathe heavily or my nose is running. but i have face problems now - dryness, acne, etc. i've tried everything. i have gym 5 days a week for the next month or two, so i wear sweatpants (rather than the uniform) because we can't get changed. but sweatpants make me insecure. i'm insanely insecure now about my body and personality and looks in general. i'm depressed, worried, anxious, and lonely. how TF did this happen?

anyway :) have a nice day/night