Insecurities with an Ex



  • So this is a super long story and I will get onto it at this chat goes on. My wife recently has been starting to become friends again with her ex husband that they have 2 kids together with. She initially started to see him to help him with their daughter because she is starting to fail school in her senior year. She didn't tell me that they met up a couple of times because she knew I wouldn't approve and was afraid on what I'd say. Since then she has been very open and honest any time she sees him but still texts him about 10 - 15 times a day. It has become a sour point of our marriage. My thought is e erything can be done over the phone or why can't I be involved in the conversations. I mean, I do help parent her too. She is well aware of how I stand about this situation and now she goes to the bathroom any time they text. I will say I have snooped on her phone which I know isnt cool but they talk about anything and everything. Please note that this is the man who literally is holding her kids hostage from seeing her. She says it is a situation of keeping your friends close a d your enemies closer. I am I secure about it because we did meet prior to her di once with him being finalized and she has admitted that if it wasn't for me she would ha e gone back to him for the sake of the kids. Is this something I should worry about or should I let it go and trust that she is doing exactly what she says she is doing? I really don't know. I do k own that intimacy is not an issue with our marriage and that isn't what's going on here.



  • I have not seen any sexual or romantic messages at this time and I do believe that it isn't happening. He was a very manipulative husband while they were married and my fear is he is doing it again. He had a girlfriend and he is insistent that she does not find out about these meetings and chats. That makes me question the intent behind these conversations. I do not think he is aware that I k ow about these conversations either. They talk about the old times, like remember when xyz happened. Oh yeah, that is so funny, blah blah blah.i have on many occasions confronted my wife that it makes me u comfortable and I need it to stop. It just seems like she is now trying to hide it more rather than slow down. She says she is just using him to see her kids more, which admittedly she has seen her kids more since this all started. Her court ordered visitation time is every other weekend from 9-5. They aren't allowed to stay the night. Since this all started she has been allowed to see them during the school week and slightly longer on the weekend.



  • Absolutely I agree that there are many moving pieces to this story. To be honest, the whole reason I downloaded this app is so I can just tell someone what's going on and put my feelings in writing. My concern is my wife going to make a fool of me and eventually leave me for her ex. She has admitted that she would have gotten back together with him for the kids sake, but note, it's not because she said she loved him. When I came into the picture they were separated already but I was the reason my wife wen through with the divorce. She would have gone back just to see her kids everyday. I wish I could attach images here but I can't figure it out. I have screen shots of him texting me directly in the past and they are very enlightening to show his character.



  • @UnderThePine go report to the police , this is threatening obviously.



  • @UnderThePine look the best thing I can and should suggest is to report this Incident and explain this situation to a lawyer that can sue the guy and bring the divorce case file with you ... But all of this is not Important If your wife don't want you anymore ... Try to make a tricky trap , tell your wife : If you continue texting this guy without my permission and attendance, I would work on this situation on my own.. She would say wdym? Tell her I will go report ur ex for threatening me. See If she defends him then It's all up on you to analyze her reaction and get a conclusion to her feelings to you ...



  • @UnderThePine Tell your ladieS? Does he mean ur wife?



  • @UnderThePine Another thing this picture alone can put him jail, It's kinda stalking, plus there Is racial descrimination go accuse him.



  • @UnderThePine BTW why did you wait all this time? This text almost 4years old !! There is too much of mystery here. TM out. 😕



  • 1st From a "Man" pov , It's not a good thing from a wife to chat with her ex unless her husband knew why and see the chat clearly , and since the reason is her kids sake then It's a normal thing to do it as a mother . 2nd she should not chat privately with her ex , since he has nothing to do with her personally but a matter of parenting the children which is obviously a classic well known subject that can even be revealed in public "exaggerating " , I mean there is no good reason to hide this type of chat infront of her new husband . 3rd you said you support the kids too and help in their care , which honestly add to the point a lot of "trust value" into your relationship with ur wife , so I can't understand why she would hide the chat/call from u . 4th you said she had intentions before to return to her ex husband for the sake of her children ! That raise a red flag in your relationship , It's like she's not 100% commited to ur relationship with her or to be more specific she choose her children over a new partner . Now I don't really know if you knew this before marriage and still took a step forward or are just recent info to u . My advice is to confront her and be clear about what bothers you , and tell her you don't want her to hide the chats from you , or try to know why she's doing it ? What private parts of conversation she mostly hides ? Cz you said u read their conversations but didn't specify what you found , you said " they talk about everything " what do you mean by everything ? Is sexual /romantic content involved ? ....



  • @UnderThePine It seems for me the case needs more details about your wife and her ex so that I can help out with a good advice. Excuse me but I don't know anything about her, her past, him , his past, character , personality, ... On the other hand you too is anonymous to me , so I trying to Imagine three characters that might be way more different than you 3 In this story, but lets take everything you said as 100% true, happening, accurate etc... Your main doubt here is that she's betraying you? Or trying to fool you? She missed her ex? She don't like you or love you anymore? I have so many questions to get answers for so that I can give good advices or suggestions.Final thing you should put into consideration,my Judgement and evaluation to people might not aline with yours .



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  • This is the kind of man I am dealing with. I had bought his daughter a cell phone so she could talk with her mom because he wouldnt allow them to speak and he found it. He saw that I was texting his daughter to help parent her and tell her to hang in there. This is the stuff he'd text me on it. This was a long time ago but I am just to be okay with my wife now texting him? I don't think so. That picture of my wife was one time she was staying at a hotel down here to pick up her kids and he took that picture through the window as she was getting ready to get her kids.



  • I am white and he is Navajo as is my wife and step kids.



  • I did report it. We live on a reservation and the police do not do anything back then. He was talking about my wife but I k ow he was just trying to hurt me and cause issues in our marriage back then. That was when the divorce was going through and he realized she was no longer his to control. I. Just fearful it will start happening again and I live my wife to death which is why I am even still around. I was just showing his character and how am I supposed to be okay with her texting someone who has said those types of things to me? When she first met with him and I was unaware I told her the meetings that I am not aware of had to stop immediately or I'd be gone. Since then she has told me every time they go and talk about her kids. I originally was ok with them texting and said if it helps see her kids more often then ok. However, since then I have become insecure since she texts with him literally every day. We talked about it a few nights ago that I wasn't okay with it but it hasn't stopped. She told me that she indicated to him to back off but it hasn't slowed I don't think. I don't want to start pulling cell phone records, but I am not blind. I see the texts pop up on her phone while we we go throughout our day. I told her I wasn't ok with them being friends. She looked at me funny and said "I am not friends with him. He is the man holding my kids hostage against me." I really don't know what to do. I mean, I deserve my wife to respect and honor my wishes and it doesn't feel like that's happening. It just feels like how can she be sneakier so she isn't caught. I am about to bounce on this marriage if things don't change. I started this board so I can just air out all my shit in front of strangers to hopefully get some clarity on what to do. I'd love marriage counseling but the nearest Walmart is over 150+ miles away let alone a counselor.


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