I know I am wrong, but need help coming to terms

  • So before anyone says it, I know it is wrong. My fiance and I have an open policy that if we feel the need to we can go through each others phones/messages to put our minds at ease or to ultimately talk about something that is bothering us. Well there has been this girl that I have always felt there was something he didn't tell me. He always said he wasn't interested in her and that nothing ever happened between them. Well, I finally gave into the urge to look, and I wish I hadn't. They had been "talking" and sharing pictures when he and I first met. But from the day we met on nothing out of the ordinary has been said. He talks about me in a positive light with this person and says he is happy in the relationship, never anything inappropriate while in a relationship with someone else. I don't want to start a conversation about this because he hasn't done anything wrong per say. But he did lie about the level of "relationship" or "intimacy" that he and this person shared. It has been eating away at me, and I have felt sick over it. I keep telling myself that I should be happy with what is now, and let the past lie in the past. But I just hate lying. If he had just told me the truth it would have been fine, its not like I was a complete saint before we met. And too be completely fair I was talking to someone else when he and I met too. He has never asked, so I never gave that information, but had he asked I would have been honest. If I had to guess why he wasn't honest with me is either out of embarrassment because of the kind of person she is (flirts with anyone and everyone and outwardly sexual) or because he was trying to make me feel safe and not threatened by her. Any insightful help would be appreciated, tips for dealing with something like this, really anything, someone to talk to. Thank you for reading <3

  • @Semira89 said in I know I am wrong, but need help coming to terms:

    But he did lie about the level of "relationship" or "intimacy" that he and this person shared. It has been eating away at me, and I have felt sick over it.

    It is going to happen and the reason is because he did not want you to feel bad about her when he (after he met you) stopped what he was doing with her. You just need to look at the bright side of all this, he did not continue with her after he met you. You need to remember that people have pasts relationships of all kinds and is it really necessary to know the truth of those past relationships??? I don't think it is. I think its amazing to find a guy that is willing to let you look through his phone and him yours. That really shows how much you are committed to each other and currently faithful.

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  • Thank you so much for responding. This is exactly what I am trying to tell myself over and over. I really don't even want to talk about it with him because in the big scheme of things it shouldn't really matter. It really isn't necessary to know about past relationships. I just wish I didn't look, because now I have to live with that knowledge in my brain and seeing those pictures. Ugh, any tips for scrubbing that from my brain lol?

  • @Semira89 It's just gonna take time and yes do not tell him your issue as that may cause a whole other problem. I know what you are going through just try to focus on the positive is the only thing I can recommend.

    I wish you luck and hope you are able to "forget" what you saw. I know its sucks :(