why do people get depressed when they haven't got a distraction

[riagan]

i'm currently finding it hard to write anything down. my heads clouded with depressing things that i have no control over. and i feel like the worlds ending. words cant really explain this feeling. i usually feel this way when i have nothing to do. its like ive stopped and im trying to relax but my brains rushing to find any little thing to bother me. i cant even think im just writing so that my keyboard makes noise. i feel like the sound of nothing is piercing through my ears. i feel like im worried about everything and nothing at the same time. i cant lay in bed because i feel like i need to move but as soon as i leave bed i feel so tired. i feel like i'm watching a movie and my eyes are just tv screens. and i dont think im overthinking. maybe i don't think enough and that's why it always gets to me when i slow down and relax
when does it stop being pathetic and become a serious problem? i cant ask for help anymore. why cant i just be normal. im fucking tired of being on the outside looking in at all the people. sometimes i forget im a fucking kid. it takes concining. i literally have to be like chill you're still young. im wasting my fucking life and all im doing is watching it happen