This is a Dear Diary going around the Net way funny yet true

  • Dear Diary 2020 Edition:
    In January, Australia caught on fire. I don’t even know if that fire was put out, because we straight up almost went to war with Iran. We might actually still be almost at war with them. I really don’t know, because Jen Aniston and Brad Pitt spoke to one another at an awards show and everyone flipped the fuck out, but then Netflix released Cheer and everyone fell in love with Jerry, but then there was this thing happening in China, then Prince Harry and Megan peaced out of the Royal family, and there was the whole impeachment trial, and then coronavirus showed up in the US “officially,” but then Kobe died and UK peaced out of the European Union.
    In February, Iowa crapped itself with the caucus results and the president was acquitted and the Speaker of the House took ten years to rip up a speech, but then WHO decided to give this virus a name COVID-19, which confused some really important people in charge of, like, our lives, into thinking there were 18 other versions before it, but then Harvey Weinstein was found guilty, and Americans started asking if Corona beer was safe to drink, and everyone on Facebook became a doctor, who just knew the flu, like, killed way more people than COVID 1 through 18.
    In March, shit hit the fan. Warren dropped out of the presidential race and Sanders was like Bernie or bust bitches, but then Italy shut its whole ass down, and then COVID, not 1 through 18, officially become what everyone already realized, a pandemic, and then a nationwide state of emergency was declared in the US, but it didn’t really change anything, so everyone was confused, or thought it was still just a flu, but then COVID, not 18 was like ya’ll not taking me seriously? I’m gonna infect the one celebrity everyone loves and totally infected Tom Hanks, but then the DOW took a shit on itself, and most of us still don’t understand why the stock market is so important or even a thing, but then we were all introduced to Tiger King. (Carol totally killed her husband), and Netflix was like you’re welcome, and we all realized there was no way we were washing our hands enough in the first place because now our hands are dry and gross.
    In April, Bernie finally busted himself out of the presidential race, but then NYC became the set of The Walking Dead and we learned that no one has face masks, ventilators, or toilet paper, or THE DAMN SWIFTER WET JET LIQUID, but then Kim Jong-Un died, but then he came back to life… or did he? Who knows, because then the Pentagon released videos of UFOs, and we were like man, it’s only April….
    In May, the biblical end-times kicked off historical locust swarms and then we learned of murder hornets and realized that 2020 was the start of the Hunger Games, but people forgot to let us know, but then people legit protested lockdown measures with AR-15s, and then sporting events were cancelled everywhere, but then people all over America finally reached a breaking point with race issues and violence. There were protests in every city, but then people totes forgot about the pandemic called COVID not 1 through 18. Media struggled with how to focus on two important things at once, but then people in general struggle to focus on more than one important thing, and a dead whale was found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest after monkeys stole COVID 1 Through 19 from a lab and ran off with them, and either in May or April (no one is keeping track of time now) a giant asteroid narrowly missed earth.
    In June, science and common sense just got thrown straight out the damn window and somehow wearing masks became a political thing, but then a whole lot of people realized the south was actually the most unpatriotic place ever and actually lost the civil war, and there is a large amount of people who feel that statues, that they don’t even know the name of, are needed for…history reasons, but then everyone sort of remembered there was a pandemic, but then decided that not wearing a mask was somehow a god given right (still haven't found that part in the bible or even in the constitution), but then scientists announced they found a mysterious undiscovered mass at the center of the earth, and everyone was like DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT, but then everyone took a pause to realize that people actually believed Gone With The Wind was like non-fiction, but then it was also announced that there is a strange radio single coming from somewhere in the universe that repeats itself every so many days, and everyone was like DON’T YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH IT, but then America reopened from the shut down that actually wasn’t even a shut down, and so far, things have gone spectacularly not that great, but everyone is on Facebook arguing that masks kill because no one knows how breathing works,
    —but then Florida was like hold my beer and let me show you how we’re number one in all things, including new Not Corona Beer Corona Virus, Trump decides now is a good time to ask the Supreme Court to shut down Obama Care because what better time to do so than in the middle of a pandemic, but then we learned there was a massive dust cloud coming straight at us from the Sahara Desert, which is totally normal, but this is 2020, so the ghost mummy thing is most likely in that dust cloud, but then I learned of meth-gators, and I'm like that is so not on my fucking 2020 Bingo card, but then we learned that the Congo's worse ever Ebola outbreak is over, and we were all like, there was an Ebola outbreak that was the worst ever?
    In July…. Aliens? Zeus? Asteroids? Artificial Intelligence becomes self-aware?
    And there's still an election that will determine the future of democracy coming....

  • ABOOBS SPARTAN One Woman Army Freedom Writers Banned

    @Cosmic_Lady Oh gods I can’t stop laughing this is perfect for 2020. You did great with this beautiful

  • @Wicked_ just charing and passing it on

  • @Cosmic_Lady absolutely brilliant! Not just a tip of the hat to you, hat right off, thrown into the lake, it's a pleasure to read your words

  • @Scottish oh no no not my doing this is something I just had to pass on and share

  • @Cosmic_Lady I'm glad you did, I doubt I'll read anything better today, sheer brilliance

  • @Cosmic_Lady please please please let it be aliens, I've wished for that all my days

  • @Cosmic_Lady Still, as they say "sharing is caring" eh? Thanks for the share

  • @Lazz it's so true Lazz, caring and sharing os a mantra i drummed into my kids, it's a good basis for a happy life

  • I just couldn't stop laughing the first time I read it and the 2nd

  • @Cosmic_Lady i wasn't even necessarily laughing lol, seemed a pretty good appraisal of the year to me, an accurate summary written by someone who can write, i was too busy admiring the words to laugh all that much. Fuck, now I feel like I'm coming across as someone with no sense of humour. I do have one but it's mostly dark

  • @Scottish nothing can replace memes, they're here to stay. The downfall of ancient Greece, Rome, the Aztec empire etc was the lack of memes. It's obvious when you think about it. If caesar had been able to say "give them bread, circuses and gifs" the empire would still be around today. I wouldn't mind, i look good in sandals and a toga

  • @Lazz oh, that's really weird, i was replying to Indrid and it ended up here, wtf? The site is glitching even more than usual

  • @Scottish Sure, let's go with that. LOL

  • @Lazz lol Lazz, I'm an honest man, if i was having a freakout/breakdown i would tell you! I was responding to Indrid's post about a world without memes, fuck knows how it ended up here 😬😁😂

  • @Scottish Alright, we'll call it a TWS glitch...THIS TIME ☺👍

  • @Lazz Lazz, trust, I'm Scottish and crazy and a little (a lot) drunk but I swear I'm telling you the truth. You know how much i love Indrid's posts, you're often there yourself , the man is a legend, he's given me so many lols since I've been here. And we relate irl, he's from the "city" ooft how i hate calling that shithole that, next to the one i grew up in

  • @Scottish My main mantra these days is "Don't hit the Big Red Button" It'd delete my account LOL

  • @Scottish You're talking to yourself, mate. Please, seek help. LOL

  • @Scottish It's all good, I'm just playing. And oh yeah, Indrid is FAB! I want him to show me how to do the polls. I tried, once, and messed it all up. Sometimes just the way his thoughts show, in what he posts. Gotta wonder. And I'm always stuck on "Other" or "Other Other" LOL

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