Life without relationships...what to do?

[spaceboy]

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[Zrnki]

@agent-peanut I want to live. I want to do something with my life. I want to be useful for others. To do something to make this place a bit better. But I just don't know how. My inner voice is awfully quiet. I'm just trying to find a hint which way to go. It's just not coming.
Life will always send you the things you need and I just thought that I want to get and advice from a stranger

[Zrnki]

@savagelillgirl thank you for your kind words. I'll give it a try.

[Zrnki]

It's easy to forgive others, it's super hard to forgive yourself! If ever.

[Zrnki]

@spaceboy I know that. I have more that I possible deserve. Loving family, friends, work, home.
But there is a possibility that I'm about to loose it all.
The worst of all is that I feel like I lost myself.
Like literary I don't want to be with myself.
Sounds maybe stupid without an explanation but that's just not possible.
Thank you anyway for your encouraging words!

[What is this]

@zrnki We all have moments when we don't quite understand what we want or where we actually want to be, which is quite normal for a sane person. I think you are overthinking your life and future without focusing on the present, on where you are right now and what you love about your life in this very moment. Stop thinking about your future too much and if someone will be there to love you. You have to love yourself first, and others will love you too. Why don't you try some new things, which you've never done before? I get bored from time to time too, we all do when we repeat the same activities over and over again. Maybe you can't find positive things around you right now, but you are doing a lot by being positive yourself, which will compensate in the future.

[spaceboy]

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[Zrnki]

@what-is-this you nailed it. I want to love myself but I just can't. I want to forgive myself but I don't know how. Every time I look into a mirror I see myself and it's hard to stare for more that a few seconds. I don't mean the visual side. It's the inside.
I did something, I didn't hurn anybody or anything like that but I despise myself.
That's probably my problem. I don't like myself. But how to change it?
People like me a lot but I can't.

[Zrnki]

@spaceboy im off to bed. Thanks a lot. Didn't expect so much support! I WANT to believe you!

[cjko]

how old are you right now? maybe you're still young.. try to have a pet. Maybe you can relate with how they feel.. At least in pets like dog,cat,fish,birds etc. you can build connections which is indeed vital for you at the moment. I hope it will help.

P.S. I once lost too, but now I'm found in God's purpose.