Ever had so much to say that you dont even know where to start?
Ever had so many emotions crashing through you, you dont know whether to cry of sadness or scream out of anger?
Ever realize you made a mistake and you feel completely helpless?
They say when someone commits suicide, they dont believe that anybody will care. But someone is always affected. And then that person looks around, they see so many happy people and think wow, how can they be happy at a time like this?
That, is the perfect description of how I feel right now. And yes this is me doing what i usually do, getting all my feelings out in a stupid little topic.
@Stranger_Danger has left TWS. As most of you already know.
To most people he was a horny little reptile who could make any subject a happy one. And had a humor unlike any other.
About a month ago I went through a period of depression. It happens to everyone. I felt alone, happy around “friends” and sad when I was by myself.
I nearly did it. The day I got home from the hospital, I took my new pain killer bottle and I set it in front of me, sitting in the bathtub. And I stared at it for so long. In one hand I held a picture of all the people I know would miss me. And in the other, was a TWS page open on my iPod.
No one had messaged me anything respondable. I went through and I apologized to so many.
Apologized for lying
Apologized for being selfish
Apologized for being annoying.
Snek wouldnt accept it. He stayed up all night with me. He would skip multiple hours of sleep, just so he could be on when I needed him.
He was selfless.
In moments I felt like tearing myself apart, he made me laugh. God the dude knows how to make someone laugh.
He was funny.
I knew that when I got myself into drama. Or someone was shitting on me, he would have my back. Most people knew the funny, stupid side of him. But I knew he can also kick ass with logic and smarts.
He was a loyal friend.
He is everything I have ever wanted to be.
And I also understand why he had to go, but that doesnt change the fact that I wish he was still here
Im sorry that I wasnt there for him now the way he was for me.
Im sorry I allowed us to somewhat separate and he felt like he was no longer needed.
Im sorry that I couldnt make him smile, because it was his time to weep.
And God damn I wanted to use his real name so many times in this stupid post. Fuck you for being the mysterious annonymous stranger Snek.