Over the years we've grown apart,
and recently the only feeling I would start,
to get was a deep depression,
so I began to question,
what had led to this mental state,
before things were too late,
but the more I started to think,
the more my heart would sink,
because the only thing bringing me down,
was the world I built with you where I was starting to drown.
I didn't know what, when, or why it all came undone,
it took a lot of searching to stop my feelings from being spun,
out of control, not knowing my own world,
and one of the problems was I was beginning to withhold,
from you how I was feeling,
but that was easier than dealing,
with your reactions to my statements,
for when I had a problem you'd always go adjacent,
and deflect to be about you,
so I'd just take bury my problems until they began to accrue,
to an unmanageable level.
11 years worth of problems starts to become a bit stressful,
when you don't have a partner to talk with,
although when I look into the depths,
it's probably just as much my fault,
for not trying to stop it myself,
but I was just a kid when this all started,
and I let myself get trained in a way I thought would keep you comforted,
but it was a mistake to shut down from the conversation,
because all it did was cause me emotional starvation.
There have been many occasions where I'd want to try something new,
grand ideas I'd attempt to push through,
but instead of even entertaining the idea,
you'd crush my dreams before they could even appear,
I mean I know some where crazy and could never happen,
but to know you'd never help and only dampen,
my dreams with a shower of doubt,
leaves me feeling nothing but left without,
a partner who'd have my back,
again feeling alone making my own path.
The worst thing to happen was recent,
it was another moment,
where I needed you most,
I needed someone who'd have my back and not just coast,
on what always worked before, but it was more important,
for you to not go outside of your comfort,
leaving it all up to me,
to bring in all the money,
and that was fine when we could make it,
but you'd rather drain all of our retirement,
then try to support,
so it's hard for me to stay onboard,
when again I'm feeling alone while you're alright,
and it's not that I wanted you to get a job you didn't like,
but I had to get something that was slowly killing,
me emotionally and mentally while you were unwilling,
to even attempt,
so again I stopped all the worries by building contempt,
and hiding my true thoughts,
and it only bought,
your happiness,
while I was continuing to miss,
someone for whom I could depend on.
So here I am now with someone I can't trust, love, or rely,
and it's just too hard to continue to comply,
so I'll go ahead and be the bad guy,
because it's easier than living this lie,
and you say you'll change,
but even if you did I'd still feel strange,
after losing something so precious I don't know if it can return,
and to even think about it only causes me to feel concern,
as it only makes me constantly depressed,
so I just can't continue with you as I'm done since it’s for the best.
