Sonnet from the Rocks

(Fingle Bridge)

Glistening torrents stain the bouldered ground
From springs on high in wooded slopes.
A course through thickened marshland found;
The crest of moss-clad rocks it gropes.

It bleeds into veins disposed by earthy nooks
And still to flow it would if left alone;
Taking the only course it knows it hooks
Around the base of bridges set in stone

As people chatter on the river bank;
Voices sounding distant due to coarse
And crisp and sensuous sounds that sink
Into the ambiance of abundant moors.

And towards the precious water's power
I give you full attention in this hour.

@Sagar-SK hello. Thank you for your kind words. How are you? Feel free to pm. Have just posted the next bit...

Am suffering with mental illness ans lonliness. Just wanna chat to new people. Is anyone else in the same situation?
Please do message me...

Showing distress, this peace
Beyond the conceptual -
Neptune’s abandoned niece
Prays silent and dismal.

A determined fate
Resides in his each breath -
Lines unworthy to repeat
Are echoed in this Earth.

For distrust once gave him
Depth of shallow tide,
Beset him and befell him
With that cold unworthy pride.

Preserved in her, his tongue;
Jarred hearts in formaldehyde
Savoured by the young
Are cast out by the wise.

Fallen bitter twins
Set out to find their lot
Discerning kept within
So Tragic and besot.

But driven on by spurs
Each made for them alone
There is a majesty of verse
Within each hefty tome.

If he’d only noticed her
At once, beneath his wing
Gifted her his shoulder
Through him let her sing

Perhaps these words would not
So mottled sit unspoken -
To each the one forgot
Their love remained unopened.

@Ridwan-Ahmed That is a fine sentiment. We do always have ourselves and that should keep us going. I get quite suicidal at times and there's usually something that keeps me alive. Although I did end up in hospital for a week earlier this year. Had renal failure and was on dialysis and a ventilator and heavy sedation for 3 days. Took an overdose of lithium and a few other things. Silly me! How is your day?

[a tongue in cheek cheesy love poem?]

There isn’t a word in the great English book
That could summarise my feelings
Or the way that you look.

I flicked through the pages for hours and hours
In search of a word
To compare you to flowers.

But even the words full of sumptuous tone
Were empty and plain
And as brittle as bone.

I wanted something to say how much you truly mean,
How much I need you,
And how your eyes gleam.

But there was not a word that could bring you to life
With pencil and paper,
A chisel or knife.

So I decided to stop, exhausted and drained,
And just tell you outright
That this love can't be feigned.

@Shardana Hey Shardana,

Thank you so much for your reply and your kind words.

Please don't apologise, I think you're absolutely right. My emotions do seem to underpin much of how my life plays out; emotional instability, or dysregulation, or whatever term anyone wants to use certainly has a formidable power over me - my battle is to try to not let it be so extreme. It does lead to good things too though. I have probably sounded negative, but just haven't got round to the other stuff yet. I think there is a general sense of unfulfillment that follows me around which possibly does draw me towards obsessive and sometimes unhealthy behaviours, that can lead to addiction. I speak in past tense simply because I haven't done the things I mentioned for a while, even if only months. Some people I have met who have been in 12 step groups refer to the things in present tense, e.g. "I am an alcoholic in recovery", etc. I am not knocking it at all as those programmes are highly effective, but I just tend to say that I used to be or do x instead, even if I have only stopped the activity recently. Not sure there's a particular or intentional reason as to why. I do have worries over whether I will have the same compulsions and obsessions again - recurrence of things is quite a common thing almost no matter what I try - or even brand new ones. I do still get a lot of cravings. It's tricky to get out many places without being confronted with alcohol; there are adverts for all kinds of unhealthy things like gambling that are difficult to avoid completely; and it's difficult to even be out and about even around where I live without things triggering me. It is a daily battle, and has lead me to a fairly reclusive condition.

Thank you for the poetry recommendation I shall find and read some. Hope you are well...?

@Shardana thank you for your reply. Beautifully put yourself

[a tongue in cheek cheesy love poem?]

There isn’t a word in the great English book
That could summarise my feelings
Or the way that you look.

I flicked through the pages for hours and hours
In search of a word
To compare you to flowers.

But even the words full of sumptuous tone
Were empty and plain
And as brittle as bone.

I wanted something to say how much you truly mean,
How much I need you,
And how your eyes gleam.

But there was not a word that could bring you to life
With pencil and paper,
A chisel or knife.

So I decided to stop, exhausted and drained,
And just tell you outright
That this love can't be feigned.

Oh! Babe of babes come hither
Come piece me back together
Come to me and conquer
Come let me make you quiver
Come take my seeded bone
Come let us be as one
Come dance upon my throne
Come ravish me alone
Come take the hand I offer
Come to me my lover
Oh! Babe of babes come hither
Come piece me back together

An ex partner who has ended up becoming quite a successful tattoo artists tattooed this on her thigh!

Count me in!

...what was that could have been something else...

...whatever darkness there is that lurks in my mind; whatever the chemical misfirings in my brain, it has led me to troublesome things. I have a propensity for addictions. I have been a compulsive gambler, and lost. I have been addicted to street drugs which has led me into precarious situations. I have been a chronic alcololic and had to go to a rehab clinic, which was for reasons of mental ill health too and probably saved my life. Not the worst ever, but we are talking a box of beer and a bottle of whisky a day at one point. That was June last year. I didn't drink alcohol for 3 months, then slipped up. Then managed a few more months, but slipped up again. I have now been dry for 5 months, except for one disastrous evening that led me to being robbed. I seem to have ended up with a kind of relationship addiction, and none of them have turned out well - perhaps it's an addiction to heartache! I have just finished a years vow of celibacy (with just the one slip up). Currently I don't work (I'm not really able to right now - that's not a copout). I took a massive overdose of lithium, and several other drugs back in July. Ended up in hospital for a week. Have no memory of the days leading up to it. The hospital records weren't complete and all I know is that someone found me somewhere and called the emergency services. All I have to go by is a suicide note that was found on my person. I had renal failure and on dialysis and a ventilator for three days, and was heavily sedated so don't remember that. Apparently I was trying to rip the canulas out of my veins and arteries and pull out the tube down my throat. Whenever I start something I am so absorbed that nothing else matters, but then it either leads to disater or I give up and crash. Has anyone else experienced similar?

@Shardana what a wonderful question. It is so true! I am honest and have integrity and tend to stick by people no matter what. I often end up being the passive one, overly so, and it has lead to abuse in the past - emotional mainly, but sometimes financial and even physical. I think the more passive on is the more dominant the other becomes. It's not the case all the time, but is all too often the case. That is partly why some people being prone to abuse just for being ourseleves. Hmmm...

@ellie-__-Bloom hello. How's you. I'm in the same boat. Where you from? Up to anything fun??

@Oona-Lisa-Van-Heuverzwyn hey you. How's things today? I'm always up for chatting. I find myself in the same boat, so please do. I've put up a couple things re my health situation, don't know if any of that fits with you as well... I am real and genuine and have been on and off looking for ages for a site that you don't have to buy coins for and with not many weirdos (at least that I have noticed so far!). I have quite bad social anxiety and struggle with social situations. I am actually looking into starting up and advocacy drop in try to offer information on groups and things and support to get involved with, and loneliness is a key factor. Feel free to pm me... or just reply here... or not... I am in Devon in the South West of the UK