My story that I've been working on for some time.

  • One Woman Army

    The ashy clouds blocked out the sun, blanketing the sky in a sombre light. Another long day at school followed by another dreary walk home (in September) with a bag full of bricks. To be honest, it was the norm for me by now. I’ve been doing it ever since I was 7.

    It felt like days since I finally reached my apartment. Only to see a note on the front of the door. It was a lovely ‘welcome home’ sign which stated that me and my dad had until tomorrow morning to move out. My hands searched my pocket for either my key or some gum to relieve my stress. After being unable to find anything, my fingers prodded the doorbell repetitively, wishing for my dad to be inside; embracing me in. That would be the first thing to lighten the melancholy mood surrounding me.

    Why do I bother having expectations? He’s not home.

    I let my feet drag me anywhere. I don’t want to stop moving. I just want to absorb the cold weather, as a distraction. Rain begins to drizzle, and every drop on my face brings me back to reality.

    My feet take me to the park, where smiles are echoing everywhere. Everywhere apart from where I sit on a bench like an owl, just observing for as long as I can. The autumn trees bless the children with the gold orange leaves. The children run to their parents, with their arms wide open, babbling along the way. A euphoric family of 4 surrounds the swings. Both parents attempt to achieve their children’s dream to swing so high that they can touch the clouds! The giggles that escape the children’s mouths bring them gargantuan beams of satisfaction. Memories. Those enchanting, affectionate and sweet memories I once had.

    I unclasp my scratched golden locket from my neck, and open it to see a picture of my dad and I on one side, and my mother on the other. I’m trapped in a divorced relationship, picking sides in situations and never witnessing any more communication between them. The only thing that they have in common now is me. “Was it me? Was it my fault?” I ask myself over and over again, looking at my mother, and switching to my father. The penitent emotions overflow my mind and tears begin to flood my eyes. I shake my head, trying to remove the weight on my shoulders once again. As I lift my head towards the sky, I close my eyes, letting the breeze brush my nose. I take a deep breath. Slowly exhaling. As I open my eyes again, my shoulders become less stiff and I feel a bit more serene than before.

    Now there were only a few people at the park.

    I walked around the park for a bit while watching the sun arise. The collisions of light orange and soft yellow glowed the sky as if it was the main attraction. I wasn’t the only one that was drawn into the sunset. People have always been solicitous about the sun. I had the idea to take a photo of this moment. When I unlocked my phone, I noticed that there had been no replies to my messages from my father. Nothing.

    Since it was almost dark, I hurriedly made my way onto the streets once again. I was befuddled on where to go for a while, until I walked past a familiar house. I had imagined it to be my friend’s but I was mistaken. The light bulb lit. I decided to go to her house, seeing as I still haven’t received any message. I sent one final message: I am going to Jasmine’s house. My fate decided to be heinous as my battery dropped to its final few percent. But it still shut down. I have no clue if I was even able to send it or not. I give up. He couldn’t send me a message or a call so neither shall I.

    Here I am again. Another long day, with another long walk.

    Hope you liked it, love to hear feedback! ❤


  • I think your choice in wording and delivery help very much in portraying the emotions you aimed for. Being a kid of divorced fathers at a similar age I can completly understand those emotions. Altho I find the "was it me?" question a little played out, it does not hurt the presentation of the character and it is a valid question to ask when in that situation. Overall I quite enjoyed the text, very good delivery and amazing vocabulary. You had a few spelling mistakes, but they where so few it didn't hurt the flow of reading. Congratulations, I hope you post more stories in the future, I would love to read them aswell.

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    @jasmine123 said in My story that I've been working on for some time.:

    The ashy clouds blocked out the sun, blanketing the sky in a sombre light. Another long day at school followed by another dreary walk home (in September) with a bag full of bricks. To be honest, it was the norm for me by now. I’ve been doing it ever since I was 7.

    It felt like days since I finally reached my apartment. Only to see a note on the front of the door. It was a lovely ‘welcome home’ sign which stated that me and my dad had until tomorrow morning to move out. My hands searched my pocket for either my key or some gum to relieve my stress. After being unable to find anything, my fingers prodded the doorbell repetitively, wishing for my dad to be inside; embracing me in. That would be the first thing to lighten the melancholy mood surrounding me.

    Why do I bother having expectations? He’s not home.

    I let my feet drag me anywhere. I don’t want to stop moving. I just want to absorb the cold weather, as a distraction. Rain begins to drizzle, and every drop on my face brings me back to reality.

    My feet take me to the park, where smiles are echoing everywhere. Everywhere apart from where I sit on a bench like an owl, just observing for as long as I can. The autumn trees bless the children with the gold orange leaves. The children run to their parents, with their arms wide open, babbling along the way. A euphoric family of 4 surrounds the swings. Both parents attempt to achieve their children’s dream to swing so high that they can touch the clouds! The giggles that escape the children’s mouths bring them gargantuan beams of satisfaction. Memories. Those enchanting, affectionate and sweet memories I once had.

    I unclasp my scratched golden locket from my neck, and open it to see a picture of my dad and I on one side, and my mother on the other. I’m trapped in a divorced relationship, picking sides in situations and never witnessing any more communication between them. The only thing that they have in common now is me. “Was it me? Was it my fault?” I ask myself over and over again, looking at my mother, and switching to my father. The penitent emotions overflow my mind and tears begin to flood my eyes. I shake my head, trying to remove the weight on my shoulders once again. As I lift my head towards the sky, I close my eyes, letting the breeze brush my nose. I take a deep breath. Slowly exhaling. As I open my eyes again, my shoulders become less stiff and I feel a bit more serene than before.

    Now there were only a few people at the park.

    I walked around the park for a bit while watching the sun arise. The collisions of light orange and soft yellow glowed the sky as if it was the main attraction. I wasn’t the only one that was drawn into the sunset. People have always been solicitous about the sun. I had the idea to take a photo of this moment. When I unlocked my phone, I noticed that there had been no replies to my messages from my father. Nothing.

    Since it was almost dark, I hurriedly made my way onto the streets once again. I was befuddled on where to go for a while, until I walked past a familiar house. I had imagined it to be my friend’s but I was mistaken. The light bulb lit. I decided to go to her house, seeing as I still haven’t received any message. I sent one final message: I am going to Jasmine’s house. My fate decided to be heinous as my battery dropped to its final few percent. But it still shut down. I have no clue if I was even able to send it or not. I give up. He couldn’t send me a message or a call so neither shall I.

    Here I am again. Another long day, with another long walk.

    Hope you liked it, love to hear feedback! ❤

    Its beautiful Jaz 🙂 keep posting and never stop with this! Lovely

  • One Woman Army

    @v23 its fictional, its not real

  • One Woman Army

    @aimee hehe tyy and unfortunately i wont be posting more stories, its more of a story for my test and i do not have the time to be writing for fun

  • One Woman Army

    @lautaroml also thank you for the feedback! It made me certain that I was going in the right direction for this and it flows nicely


  • For a little kid who loves her family so much it's like the end of their world, but they always stay hopeful and wait to see them again it's her father's fault he abandoned her he could've stayed or talked to her make her understand the situation but instead of that he has choosen to walk away, in this story i can't fully blame to her father and can't blame her father and mother because i don't know their issue, but she needs a friend right now who will help her to get of her pain, with time she will get better, if he was worried about the kid he would've come back even if i were him i would always visit my kid and make her understand that i will never abendoned her I'm always there for her even when I'm not close, life is unfair sometimes but but it never stops, she shouldn't stop either time will heal everything

  • One Woman Army

    @lautaroml haha, i wrote it on a google doc so it didn't inform me of any spelling mistakes. maybe bc we live in diff countries so spellings are different. i live in the UK, where spelling is diff to the US

    and im not entirely sure if id be posting more stories, this is actually for a test i have to do






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