@felicia2 a lot of things matters to give a strong advice here , it's not simple because we don't know you at all and we don't know what you are going through and what you have gone through.
Maybe you can give a brief sketch of your life with no personal information mentioned but like try to give an idea about your life through examples.
The word "husband"
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THE WORD "HUSBAND." THE word "husband" is an Anglo-Saxon word, which means the band of the house, the one who organizes it, and holds it together, and controls it. The wife is his chief assistant in this work, though she is often the more efficient of the two—the real band of the house. Any thoughts?
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i don't think the BAND here means holding togther. I think it implies ownership. Since that is how a wife was looked at in those days. Wife was & in many cultures still a property of the MAN.
I don't think there needs to be a comparison about performance or efficiency in a couple.
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As a matter of fact, it did happen and some still consider this thought, the ownership of a lady by the man of the house, to be a righteous one, howsoever egregious it might sound. There are various instances of this practice throughout Eurasian cultural history.
The origin of the term husband being might be in or around Saxony, but any comparison on the efficiency, it seems futile.