• This is the first part of my movie script. I hope you get to read it, its about 23 pages long. Its not in the format I wanted it but it will do.

    Ronin:

    Int.
    Tamoto’s Living Room
    Night
    Act One, Scene One

    An old man sits next to a fire. He is old in age, approximately 65 years old. He sits in a wooden chair with a black bokuto in his lap.
    Old Tamoto
    I have aged haven’t I.

    A young boy appears. He approximately 16 years old, and bears a childish smile. He wears a blue hakana and bears some resemblance to Old Tamoto.
    Young Boy
    I am afraid so, my friend.

    Old Tamoto shifts his weight in his chair. He stares at the black bokuto, it being in perfect condition.

    Old Tamoto
    I am become weak despite my training

    Young Boy
    No, your body has thrived but it’s your mind I worry about

    Old Tamoto (chuckles)
    Why?

    Young Boy
    Because you have caged yourself in here for so long, you
    Have forgotten how it feel to be out in the wild.

    Old Tamoto
    I have forgotten most things.

    Young Boy
    Like Rorentus-o…
    Old Tamoto raises his hand

    Old Tamoto
    Do not remind me

    Young Boy
    A wise man once said
    that a man who wants to
    forget is broken inside.

    Old Tamoto
    I am not broken

    Young Boy
    See, you have trained
    yourself not to show it
    when you are suffering.

    Old Tamoto stares off into the distance, his eyes fixed on a large wooden cabinet with a lock on it.

    Old Tamoto
    Goodnight

    Old Tamoto starts walking to another room.

    Young Boy
    Tell me, what has finally
    broken you?

    Old Tamoto glances back and shakes his head. He opens the door to his room and enters.

    Ext.
    Foggy Forest
    Night
    Act One, Scene Two

    A younger Tamoto is showed, approximately 2o years old. He is dress in a white cuirass with a black streak running down the left side of the mask. He has sheathed a “gold” katana in a white sheathe. He is leading them through a foggy forest, nicknamed the Akuma no mori, The Forest of The Demons.

    Young Tamoto
    Arusha, do you
    see anything

    Arusha is a master archer. In his hands, he holds a metal bow with blades on the ends of the bow. He wears a red cuirass and is about 16 years old.

    Arusha
    I am not seeing anything.

    Musashi
    They must be hiding then.

    Musashi is the oldest of the group. He doesn’t wear a cuirass but wears a blue robe. In his hands is a bokuto. He is about 45.

    Tamoto
    Rorentsu~o, go look ahead.

    Rorentsu~o is a moderate age samurai. He wears a yellow cuirass and carries a black katana.
    Rorentus-o marches ahead with his katana drawn. As he walks, the fog rises.

    Musashi
    Master, the fog is rising!

    Tamoto unsheathes his katana, the rest of the group follows. Out of the fog emerges 20 Akumaa (Demons). They are wearing dark green cuirasses and carrying yellow katanas. They have faces engrave on their masks.

    Akumaa Leader
    You have trespass onto our land, what do you say in your defense?
    Int.
    Tamoto’s Bedroom
    Day
    Act One, Scene Three

    Tamoto wakes up from his sleep with a jolt. He is sweaty and bears a worried face. Getting out of bed, he walks to a black closet and opens it up. Inside is the same white cuirass with the black stripe and the “gold” katana. Both have been preserved in good condition.

    Old Tamoto (whisper)
    Oh, why do you haunt me?

    Tamoto grasps the sword in his hands. Instantly he is snapped into a flashback.

    Young Tamoto is standing with his allies. They face the Akumaa, the green cuirass samurais.

    Tamoto (whisper)
    Draw your weapons

    The samurai group follows the order. Meanwhile, the Akumaa wait with their weapons drawn.

    Akumaa Leader
    LOWER YOUR WEAPONS!

    Everything moves in slow motion. Tamoto grips his katana tighter. Arusha notches an arrow from his quiver. Musashi twirls his bokuto.
    Akumaa Leader
    CHARGE!

    The Akumaa Leader and his soldiers begin to charge. Arusha fires an arrow and it flies with great force. It goes straight through one of the Akumaa’s armor. Musashi strikes down several Akumaa soldiers while Tamoto slices several Akumaa soldiers with ease.

    Tamoto
    FIND RORENTSU-O!

    Musashi
    WHERE’S ARUSHA!

    Arusha is shown walking towards the Akumaa Leader with a drawn blue katana. The Akumaa Leader laughs and marchers towards Arusha.

    Tamoto
    I MUST SAVE HIM!

    Tamoto begins slashing furiously. He begins to run towards Arusha but takes several stabs from Akumaa soldiers. Meanwhile, Arusha raises his katana at the Akumaa Leader.

    Arusha
    I am going to kill you!

    Akumaa Leader
    YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A CHILD

    Arusha
    A child of War!

    Tamoto releases the katana and it drops to the ground. The katana is engraved with Naitoshadou (Night Shadow). Some whispers could be heard.

    Old Tamoto
    So many souls are trapped
    inside you Naitoshadou. I am sorry
    for your buried.

    Tamoto picks up the katana and sheathes it. The whispers stop and the room is quiet. He puts it back into the cabinet and closes it. Young Boy walks into the room.

    Young Boy
    Are you ok Master.

    Old Tamoto
    I am not sure?

    Young Boy
    The dreams…

    Old Tamoto
    Yes, but why?

    Young Boy
    Why you feel pain?

    Old Tamoto sits down and looks at the Young Boy.

    Young Boy
    It’s a feeling you have not
    felt for ages, isn’t it?

    Old Tamoto
    Yes, but why does it feel so new?

    Young Boy
    Because you have forgot how to feel.

    Old Tamoto looks down. He bears a sad face but soon looks up. Old Tamoto gets up from chair.

    Old Tamoto
    Come, let’s go drink tea

    Young Boy and Old Tamoto leave the room.

    Int.
    Tamoto’s Living Room
    Day
    Act One, Scene Four

    Old Tamoto pours Young Boy a cup of tea. He sets the cup next to him and sits down.
    Old Tamoto
    What am I going to do now?

    Young Boy
    What do you mean?

    Old Tamoto
    What do I do with my life?

    Young Boy
    That’s a question I can’t answer

    Old Tamoto looks at the wooden cabinet in the corner, his eyes fixed on the lock.

    Locksmith
    Why do you want such a big lock?

    Tamoto
    I must keep something locked

    Locksmith
    What’s so valuable that you need this?

    Tamoto
    It is none of your concern

    Locksmith hammers down on the lock. Tamoto stares as the Locksmith works.

    Locksmith
    Is it gold?

    Tamoto
    No, something far more valuable

    Locksmith
    What can be more valuable than gold?

    Tamoto
    Life

    Old Tamoto drops his tea cup on the floor. The cup shatters to pieces as the Young Boy looks in shock.

    Old Tamoto
    I am very sorry.

    Young Boy
    It’s ok master
    Young Boy grabs a broom and begins to sweep. As he does, Old Tamoto stands up and looks outsides. The stars light up the dark night.

    Old Tamoto
    Oh, the things I have seen….

    Young Boy
    And the things you have yet to discover

    Old Tamoto
    The night is upon us, let us rest so that we may
    awake in the morning early

    Old Tamoto waddles to his room

    Young Boy
    Master….

    Old Tamoto glances back.

    Young Boy
    May your soul find peace?

    Old Tamoto (laughing)
    There’s no peace for me

    Int.
    Tamoto’s Bedroom Room
    Night
    Act One, Scene Five

    Tamoto
    STOP ARUSHA!

    Tamoto white cuirass is stained with blood. He desperately tries to fight off the oncoming attacks of the Akumaa’s but such attempts are feudal.

    Akumaa Leader
    BOW BEFORE MY GREATNESS

    Akumaa Leader swings his katana with great force. Arusha raises his katana but the blade is shattered from Akumaa’s Leader swing. Staring in disbelief, Arusha unsheathes his short sword.

    Akumaa Leader
    HA, YOU SHALL DIE LIKE YOUR FATHER AND UNCLE!

    Akumaa raises his katana towards Tamoto.

    Arusha
    WE WILL NEVER DIE BECAUSE OUR SOULS ARE STRONG AND OUR BLADES STRONGER

    Arusha charges at Akumaa Leader. Akumaa Leader sidesteps and slashes Arusha’s leg. Arusha falls to the ground.

    Tamoto
    NOOOO!

    Tamoto begins racing towards Akumaa Leader.

    Akuma Leader
    YOU WISH TO DIE AS WELL!!

    Tamoto
    No, I wish to protect my nephew as though he was my own

    Akuma Leader
    YOU ARE PATHETIC TAMOTO

    The two fight each other. It’s clear that Akuma Leader is fighting better and will win. As a final move, Akuma Leader gets behind Tamoto and slashes Tamoto’s legs, forcing him to kneel.

    Akuma Leader
    HOLD THIS WEAKLEN BACK

    Several Akumaa Soldiers rush to hold Tamoto.

    Akuma Leader
    BRING ME THE OTHER TWO HUMANS
    Musashi, Rorentsu~o and Arusha are dragged by Akuma Soldiers and are place right in front of Akumaa Leader.

    Akuma Leader
    What do you say now Tamoto, or Naitoshadou?
    Tamoto looks up and glares at Akuma Leader.

    Tamoto
    If you hurt any of them, I will kill you

    Akuma Leader
    With what, this?

    Akuma Leader takes Tamoto’s sword. He twirls it right in front of Tamoto’s face.

    Akuma Leader
    You do not fear us, do you?

    Tamoto
    I do not fear anything

    Akuma Leader
    Very well, Naitoshadou

    Akuma turns around quickly and decapitates Musashi.

    Tamoto
    NOO!

    Tamoto quickly punches the Akumaa Soldiers holding him, steals a katana and runs towards Akumaa with the katana raised. Akumaa Leader raises his sword to Arusha’s throat.

    Akumaa Leader
    I WILL KILL HIM

    Arusha
    KILL HIM NOW

    Arusha nods his head. Tamoto quickly thinks in his mind and glancing at Akuma Leader. Akuma Leader is grinning.

    Tamoto
    If I surrender, do I have your word you won’t hurt anyone else?

    Akumaa Leader
    You have my word, Tamoto.

    Tamoto drops the katana to the ground. It makes a loud thud that echoes in Tamoto’s head.

    Akumaa Leader
    Good

    Akumaa Leader turns around and stabs Rorentsu~o. He instantly begins to bleed out and falls.

    Tamoto
    YOU GAVE ME YOUR WORD!

    Akumaa Leader laughs and kneels in front of Tamoto. He wipes the sword’s blood onto Tamoto’s cuirass.

    Akumaa Leader
    You gave me your word that the boy would be killed

    Tamoto
    He did not deserve to die Tobiko

    Akumaa Leader
    HE DID, HE WAS THE CHILD OF THE EMPEROR WE WERE FIGHTING!

    Tamoto
    He did nothing wrong!

    Akumaa Leader
    That’s the reason you are here brother! Because you couldn’t follow my orders!

    Tamoto
    YOUR ORDERS WERE WRONG!

    Akumaa Leader
    Fine Tamoto. You shall share the same fate as him!

    Akumaa Leader turns around and stabs Arusha. Arusha falls to the ground, clutching his stomach. Tamoto begins to cry.

    Akumaa Leader
    I have finally broken you Tamoto.

    Tamoto angrily stares back at Akumaa Leader
    Akumaa Leader
    You are now Ronin Tamoto

    Tamoto
    I WILL KILL YOU!

    Akumaa Leader drops the katana onto the floor.

    Akumaa Leader
    Go ahead, kill me brother.

    Tamoto grabs the katana from the ground. Several Akumaa Soldiers rushed towards Tamoto but each one is met with a swift slash. This continues for hours until there are no more Akumaa Soldiers.

    Akumaa Leader
    Are you going to kill me now?

    Tamoto
    Before I do, what are your last words.

    Akumaa Leader
    You are still weaker than me

    Tamoto nods his head and charges towards Akumaa Leader The fog thickens and Tamoto slashing through the air but no blood is drawn. Akumaa Leader has disappeared.

    Tamoto
    I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE

    Tamoto hurries to Arusha but he is long dead. He picks up his body and begins to march away. He continues for days, marching through snow, rain, and hot weather. He finally comes to his house, finally resting the body of Arusha on the ground. Tamoto begins to cry.

    Tamoto
    I am sorry Arusha, I could not save you….

    Tamoto is showed burying Arusha’s body under a Cherry Blossom Tree. He rests Arusha’s bow onto the grave

    Tamoto
    So, young….

    Int.
    Tamoto’s Living Room
    Night
    Act One, Scene Six

    Old Tamoto looks at the lock on the closet. He sighs and takes a key he was wearing on a necklace. Quietly creeping towards the cabinet, Old Tamoto unlocks the door. It makes a soft creak and as the door swings open, the young boy appears.

    Young Boy
    What are you doing Master?

    Old Tamoto pulls out a pieced together katana. It’s clear that Old Tamoto attempted to try to fuse it back together but had not luck. He looks at a shiny arrow he made for Arusha that was meant to avenge his father’s death but he never got to use it. He sees a polished and refined red cuirass that Tamoto did after his death. The last item Old Tamoto sees is the blue kendo of Arusha, master archer and Tamoto’s nephew. Old Tamoto begins to cry.

    Old Tamoto
    I miss you so much Arusha…

    Young Boy
    I know Uncle, and some day we may meet again….

    Old Tamoto
    Not until I fulfill my promise to you

    Young Boy
    What is it?

    Old Tamoto
    To find and kill my brother. To avenge your father’s and your death.
    Young Boy
    You don’t need to do that….

    Old Tamoto
    Yes, I do, because a soul cannot rest in peace if the soul is tormented….
    Young Boy
    …by the memories, a man tries to erase from his mind.
    End Act One


  • I'm going to list the errors i see in the story


  • This post is deleted!

  • @how-to-make-a Line 23-25 : feels*


  • @how-to-make-a that "a wise man once said..." thing at the beginning doesn't make sense


  • Scene 2 :

    showen*


  • Dressed*


  • Really good job


  • Fuck this shit, only half a page in and I've found 6 mistakes and it's super hard to read. Refine the writing and then repost it and I'll read it for ya.