Welcome to the City and Guilds Social Media Exam - please ensure that your mobile devices are switched ON. The first section counts as four thirds of your final grade, and involves a six hour written exam to be written in the form of written answers.
I'm your invigilator, and I'll be sitting at the front of the hall, with papers arrayed around me to give the ILLUSION that I'm working, whereas actually I'll be reading Miami Vice fan fiction on my phone -- at particularly se xy or exciting parts of the story, my leg will begin to twitch. HOWEVER, exam participants should be advised that talking, passing notes or otherwise distracting fellow students is FORBIDDEN and I WILL SEE due to my omniscience.
Any student who spontaneously upturns his desk, shouts "EFF THIS SHIZ" and jumps out of the window, Freddy Got Fingered style, will automatically receive half marks.
Before starting the exam, for security purposes, please write the first three digits (and the first three digits ONLY) of your unique 6-digit TWS reality-altering code.
QUESTION 1.
What is the minimum sentence in Internet Chokey for posting a topic or comment that no one understands?
QUESTION 2.
On a scale of one to ten (one being a drunken text between mates, ten being a Nobel-winning novel), what is the correct level of effort you should use in creating a TWS post?
For this next part of the exam, for security purposes, please write the final three digits (and the final three digits ONLY) of your unique 6-digit TWS reality-altering code.
QUESTION 3.
What are some of the things a social media user can do to protect against enchantment by the hypno-posting catfish-sirens of Catfish-Siren Island?
QUESTION 4.
With reference to your unknowable, incomprehensible 'Id', what is the correct amount of your true self that you should reveal in social media posts?
QUESTION 5.
In the year 5127, when the God-algorythm finally recreates you as a data-angel using your posts on social media as a template, the image printed on your baseball cap will usually be what?
FINAL QUESTION.
Using clickbait and shflip-posting is the internet equivalent of a teenage hoodie walking into a room with a badboy limp, as if he's a character in Sons of Anarchy. Discuss.