CITY AND GUILDS SOCIAL MEDIA EXAM - SPRING SYLLABUS - MODULE 1



  • Welcome to the City and Guilds Social Media Exam - please ensure that your mobile devices are switched ON. The first section counts as four thirds of your final grade, and involves a six hour written exam to be written in the form of written answers.

    I'm your invigilator, and I'll be sitting at the front of the hall, with papers arrayed around me to give the ILLUSION that I'm working, whereas actually I'll be reading Miami Vice fan fiction on my phone -- at particularly se xy or exciting parts of the story, my leg will begin to twitch. HOWEVER, exam participants should be advised that talking, passing notes or otherwise distracting fellow students is FORBIDDEN and I WILL SEE due to my omniscience.

    Any student who spontaneously upturns his desk, shouts "EFF THIS SHIZ" and jumps out of the window, Freddy Got Fingered style, will automatically receive half marks.

    Before starting the exam, for security purposes, please write the first three digits (and the first three digits ONLY) of your unique 6-digit TWS reality-altering code.

    QUESTION 1.

    What is the minimum sentence in Internet Chokey for posting a topic or comment that no one understands?

    QUESTION 2.

    On a scale of one to ten (one being a drunken text between mates, ten being a Nobel-winning novel), what is the correct level of effort you should use in creating a TWS post?

    For this next part of the exam, for security purposes, please write the final three digits (and the final three digits ONLY) of your unique 6-digit TWS reality-altering code.

    QUESTION 3.

    What are some of the things a social media user can do to protect against enchantment by the hypno-posting catfish-sirens of Catfish-Siren Island?

    QUESTION 4.

    With reference to your unknowable, incomprehensible 'Id', what is the correct amount of your true self that you should reveal in social media posts?

    QUESTION 5.

    In the year 5127, when the God-algorythm finally recreates you as a data-angel using your posts on social media as a template, the image printed on your baseball cap will usually be what?

    FINAL QUESTION.

    Using clickbait and shflip-posting is the internet equivalent of a teenage hoodie walking into a room with a badboy limp, as if he's a character in Sons of Anarchy. Discuss.

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  • @Indrid-Cold
    211

    What is the minimum sentence in Internet Chokey for posting a topic or comment that no one understands?

    Being ignored aka neglect of superior content by dim minds.

    On a scale of one to ten (one being a drunken text between mates, ten being a Nobel-winning novel), what is the correct level of effort you should use in creating a TWS post?

    Depends on your mood and which people you aim to reach. It is recommended that the average does not fall below 5 when calculated for a week.

    220

    What are some of the things a social media user can do to protect against enchantment by the hypno-posting catfish-sirens of Catfish-Siren Island?

    Some of the things a user may do are:

    1. Learn asap to not trust anyone on the internet to such an extent that it causes you pain if they turn out a catfish.
    2. Same as above but with more emphasis.

    With reference to your unknowable, incomprehensible 'Id', what is the correct amount of your true self that you should reveal in social media posts?

    With (most of) us being unimportant individuals, no one is probably interested in taking the trouble to find us out in real life to kill us or whatever they want to do with us. In the unlikely event it does happen, we can avail the law (lol). So i think we can reveal about ourselves as much as is necessary given we are aware who is trustworthy and who not.

    In the year 5127, when the God-algorythm finally recreates you as a data-angel using your posts on social media as a template, the image printed on your baseball cap will usually be what?

    A black alien cute cat that eyes you sceptically and is drinking guava juice out of a bamboo mug. (been there so i have seen the logo)

    Using clickbait and shflip-posting is the internet equivalent of a teenage hoodie walking into a room with a badboy limp, as if he's a character in Sons of Anarchy. Discuss.

    Rightly said, sir. (idek about sons of anarchy) And the teen has halitosis and a severe case of acne.

    Kana



  • @Wolfie_11 It is advised that if any student wishes to pass certain questions, rubbing his or her face across the keyboard will count as half-a-mark.

    Miami Vice fan fiction is to be read only by me.



  • @Karina-Kara (Folds up secret code and puts in top pocket for rainy day).

    A w/ merit. Student shows significant insight. With reference to question 3, the scholarly relevance of Student's Futurama reference cannot be confirmed without removing Season 3 boxset from pile, resulting in a 'Jenga-quake' of DVDs which would destroy the entire university library.
    The Deltarune reference of 5) is especially fine scholarly work, as it proves that the processing power of 8-bit games never actually existed and all computer games prior to 2025 are the work of future-based quantum trickery.



  • @Wolfie_11 (Folds up secret code and puts in top pocket for rainy day).
    B - with unintelligible emoji.
    Student seems to believe that using Worzel Gummidge patois ('Flibbertigibbet!') will count as scholarly insight, and he is quite right.
    The sniper rifle motif of Question Five is also excellent extrapolatory reasoning, though I would also have accepted some intestines getting mushed viz-a-viz Sniper Elite 3-4.



  • @sup _(brushes back imaginary Kill Bill beard and narrows eyes in appreciation of student having the gall to stand up in the middle of exam, approach invigilator's desk and speak out loud). C +



  • @Indrid-Cold
    What is the minimum questions that we have to attend?

    P.S.- Can I join you in your Miami Vice fan fiction quest? That sounds more interesting (and understandable).



  • @Indrid-Cold
    Alright. I'm also rethinking and thus rewriting my views on this question as my previous answer felt like an (unintentional) insult to your awesomely worded question or maybe it was me applying '1' pointer brain into my earlier answer. So here we go....

    117

    1. Flibbertigibbet!
    2. Five.

    809
    3. Delete your social media or Delete Cat-fisher's social media.
    4. 0 or 100, depends on the mundaneness of your life.
    5. Sniper.
    6. Eff this Shizz

    Regards.



  • This is so tough master.
    Everybody's gonna fail.
    Can I reappear for this exam later?



  • @Kana (folds up secret code and puts in pocket for rainy day)

    Student shows a sensible and level-headed approach to both the historical and sociopolitical implications of the hypno-catfish of Hypno Catfish Island, and the theological area of the Algorythm God. Suggest a ten book deal with TWS Internet Textbooks Incorporated A+






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