So at about 2 or 3 in the morning the other day. I was crying. Sobbing in fact. Weak of me, I know. But I recognize that Im a sensitive, emotional person. Now some of you may not care, most of you in fact. And thats alright. Just let me do what I do best, rant. So if you dont feel like reading yet another one of my long posts, move along :).
Now moving onto the real purpose of this post. Why was I crying? Because I have a problem. As always. I have a problem with people. People who find it okay to hate on others. And Im not talking about the friends teasing friends, thats another story. Im talking about the strangers that get on this website to troll. You meet new people, that youve never seen or talked to, and DESTROY them. After becoming moderator, I gained my fair share of haters. After each user I surpassed in “top posters” and “most reputed”, I gained more and more. I know you can think of an instance where you were insulted. Where someone said something that made you stop dead in your tracks. I know youve seen someone beat on someone else. Its a cruel world.
A year ago I had around 20k followers on instagram. The majority of them followed me because they wanted to. I was a model after all. After my accident with my stepdad, it left me with scars along my hips, shoulders, stomach, and back. Most have disappeared since, but last year they were clearly visible. I did a bikini shoot, hesitantly. The photographer and designer were trying to show their support of natural beauty, so nothing was very edited. And when I posted a picture from it, my scars were showing. I never expected so many comments. So many negative comments. I had never had the confidence to show anyone before then. And after so much hate, I not only deleted the post, all my social media was deleted. I havent shown anyone my scars since.
I joined TWS because I needed a nonjudgemental environment, where people couldnt see me, and I could describe myself however I please. But yet...here I am greeted with so much hatred. So much shame. Its disgusting.
Sometimes online its easy to forget that behind the screen, there are decent people with feelings. They may not show it, but trust me, it’s there.
Im sick of it. Im absolutely 100% disgusted. And Im 100% sorry. Im sorry if I ever made anyone feel like I feel now. Im sorry for the trolls. I wonder how sucky their life is that they have to talk poorly about people online. Im also sorry for anyone that feels like this right now.
I just want to say to myself (self centered sounding, oops) and anyone else who has been trolled, bullied, treated as less than individual, and/or felt like trash, that just because people talk, you dont have to listen. In real life, walk off. Online, just walk away. Also, bullies/trolls are the weak ones, not you. @Lucifer_ told me last night, “Humans are born and live their whole life that they are superior to every other thing be it animals, insects, or other humans. So when anyone shows them that they are not the best or they suck, humans just lash out.” They do it because you have something that they dont. As hard as it is to believe, you have a quality that they wish they had. Whether it be your beauty, intelligence, carefree-seeming attitude, or positive personality, you are better than them. And they hate you for that.
You dont have to please anyone. Because at the end of the day, your opinion is the only one that matters. Dont let them affect your outlook. Dont let them get to your head. And most definitely, dont waste your thoughts or tears on scums like them.
Keep the people you love close to you, because they only want you to be happy. Ive heard on here at some point, I believe a comment made by @thestrangest , its about quality, not quantity. And of course, I cannot forget what @RAGNAR told me. “Then dont be sad. Dont let it bother you. At the end of the day its you.”
I never want to feel like trash. I never want you guys to be treated unfairly. Because despite most of you not caring to read this (thank you to anyone that did), most people here have some beautiful souls. And I smile every time I open this site. Im not going to let the brief frowns stop me. And you shouldnt either.
Love yourselves. And if you cant do that, let me love you. Trust me, I can do it. I can honestly say I have one good thing about every user here. Even my haters. No one person is more entitled than another, hell we were all born practically the same.
I also need to acknowledge this for my peace of mind. Yesterday I was repeatedly called a slutty tranny. I will admit, in my glasses I look like a pubescent twelve year old boi, but I am not tranny. Nor am I a slut. So, now that the matter is cleared up.
Have a beautiful day mah babies :)