Best posts made by rebelw.acause

I met this guy about a year ago that I thought was an absolute weirdo. (Prob bc the first time I saw him was when he was doing Orange Justice haha). We became frens because of our frens (all our frens were each other's frens). He was a pretty good fren, altho we were pretty distant. He was a grade above me so I never really saw him. However, this year, we've been catching some vibes and now we're just amazingly low-key talking. But tbh, he's been the best thing in every one of my days, and no matter how many times he might be able to beat me in video games, I'll still throw the controller at him but still love him. He's awesome. Thank You, Eric.

oh my gosh!!!! wow!! congrats:laughing: best of luck to you! (also, don't listen to the discouraging comments...you got this man!)

i want to die. that's it. that's the post. don't slam me for it.

has anyone else been coming to the end of themselves lately or is that just me? i'm so lonely, and i don't think that that will ever change. i should really be studying, but what's the point of that? i just want my dad to love me. i just want to be loved. i wish my birth mom could see me now and yet i don't want her to - would she be proud? is anyone proud of me? i have a 4.0 gpa from this year, i've managed 3 sports since i'm not athletic and can't play them, stuck through handbells the entire year, made two new friends (which is huge for me because i'm shy and awkward), and developed a fashion sense. i've made it an entire year following my parents' rules on not having any sort of relationship with anyone. the summer is coming, but i'm scared nothing will change. i'll still be stressed because my dad hates me. i'll still want to be white and skinny and gorgeous and strong. i'll still be getting in trouble for stupid shit. i'll still want to end myself. i'm going to be 16, and i don't remember what being happy feels like. i want to escape. i want to sleep and wake up refreshed. i'm so exhausted. i'm so exhausted. i just want to lay down, safe in someone's arms, and sleep for years. or forever. i want to be so sick i die because i can't kill myself. i want to believe people would care. i want to be free. i want to be gone. and what scares me even more is that i might be the only one who feels this way. it feels like everyone around me are meeting their "someone" and hanging out with friends and having fun, while i stay at home and cry in bed with my hand over my mouth. is it bad that i'm attracted to middle-aged men who are kind and amazing people and just absolutely fucking brilliant? is it bad that i can't tell whether i'm bi or not? is it bad that i watch the people who are happy around me and desperately wish i was them? is it bad that i just want to feel okay? i miss all these people that i've never even met, and the years are passing too quickly and too slowly in my head. my parents don't agree with me politically, which makes them angry, and i get in trouble in the end; i don't understand my parents' rules. my dad has grabbed me and shoved me to the ground before because he's gotten so angry. i can't remember much of my childhood from trauma, but i vividly remember watching my dad hurt my newly adopted 2 year old sister so hard, her lip started bleeding, making my brother cry. was sexual abuse the only trauma i encountered, or was i physically abused too? i can't remember. i want to feel well again. i feel so sick.