Posts made by Jumper Cable Guy

@sarah_the_magpie Lol , that made me laugh

So if I say "choke me daddy!"
will you give me two Popeye's biscuits and no drink.

@frencha I did ... until I saw a guy fight 5 guys in the bar with an umbrella IN a Tuxedo .

That shit made a believer out of me.

@Sij Life cycle of the male sex drive

Age 16-32 : Tri-weekly

Ages 32-55: Try-weekly

Over 55: Try-weakly

@sarah_the_magpie What is sex ? you ask ...

Husband : A minute of PLEASURE,
then years of PRESSURE!

Wife : Moments of ECSTASY,
followed by decades of SLAVERY!

Mistress : Just stolen TIME,
but never MINE!

Hooker : NEXT!

So in total - Sex is a temptation , Caused by a sensation Where a boy sticks his location Into a girls destination To increase the population Of the next generation Did you get my explanation Or do you need a demonstration ?

@AllAboutGay By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the Bible correctly:

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned." [Leviticus 20:13 esv]

....I never guessed getting stoned would help the bible make so much more sense.

@frencha I dont know about vines ... but I like my women like I like my wine.

About 12 years old and locked in my cellar.

Jk ! That got your attention huh ?
Sorry no young nubile F/14s for you .. more like M/24 !

Dont give up ! Heres your daily dose of motivation .

Stop Grinding? The Grind Never Stops No Breaks We Stay Dream ChasingI don't get a break I'll be out here grinding Imma be chasing dreams while you're lounging the only thing i'm chasingis my dreamskeep grinding RIP grandmaRomans 8:1:folded_hands_medium-light_skin_tone:busy? you don't know what busy is fam i won'tever stop my grindnothing gets handed to me ‍️ I work for everything I got ️but we ain't done yet Nap? I don't know that word while you taking Z's I'm making W'sU snooze you losecan kill my ambition i will never stop grindingeven when im dead sleep is for the weak U mean my TEAM️ONE eats, we ALL eat We out here grindin' together THAT'S family

@Indrid-Cold I call my Dick "Truth" & myself as "Reality."

So you can say My dick is the "Truth of Reality."

Its usually hidden in my pants , so its the "Hidden Truth of Reality."

The point of the matter is that the Hidden Truth of Reality is hard . The Hidden Truth of Reality is disappointing.

@Jesssssss Ahh yesss , I see we have ourselves a gathering of Furries.

My Fursona is The Unicorn -for I too am often drunk and wasted ! ^_^

I mean once I was brought in front of a Judge for it too . "You've been brought here for Drinking and Molesting women"

Me : "Great ,Lets get Started !!"

@Lazz That was beautiful dude .

Listening to it my eyes started taking a piss

Every day, someone unknowingly cries the most tears in the world. That was me today .

@sarah_the_magpie My girlfriend said if this post gets 1000 upvotes she'll give up her anal virginity tonight!

Please don't.

She's out of town on business until Tuesday.

Teachers be like : "The door being coloured blue represents sadness and dispair !"

By it being a door, it shows the reader that sadness can be opened. Furthermore, what the author is trying to express is sadness can be stopped. You just have to open your mind (the door represents the mind) for new people and ideas.

Therefore, the door’s blue color impacts the reader’s thinking on how sadness can be prevented !!

Or -

"Is the blue door open, or is it closed? If the blue door is closed, it represents shutting out feelings of despair and sadness. If the the blue door is open, it represents willingness to open up to the feelings of sadness and despair."

All the Students : ...Well KAREN , MAYBE ITS CAUSE THE AUTHOR SIMPLY LIKED THE COLOUR BLUE ?!!

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Once I was learning about Shakespeare, and my teachers glorified him saying how he was a genius for swapping the subject, verb and object order in his work.

But when I did it, I got an F !!

sigh My dad saw my grade and without saying anything got inside & came back out & beat the shit out of me with a pair of Jumper Cables .

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What are your experience with Teachers analyzing the Living shit out of Literature guys ?

@smoothiedoop More like M 48 Gay.

@demarkus83

@belethor I agree !

I need a new Sugar Daddy !

Would you please be my Fructose Father ?

UwU

When I was 16 we went camping at Big Bear Lake: me, my dad, my sister , and my dog Hotdog .

Hotdog was a great little dog - with his shiny fur & golden mane Hotdog probably looked very hot & appetizing to other Dogs especially of the Female Variety.

Furthermore he was my in with the ladies !
Never had such an effective wing-man existed Nor has there ever been such deep Inter-species co-operation in the pursuit of Appreciation of the Beauty of the Fine Ladies God has gifted us .

And if the lady had a dog too ? - Well it was a match made in heaven ! Double dates for the both of us for the price of one !

But anyways I digress , We had to stop off at a sporting goods store to buy bait, and my dad and sister went in while I stayed outside to watch Hotdog . ^_^

While they were inside an old man with a beard walked over to me and started talking about how great a dog he was.

He started petting him a lot and then took Hotdog's leash off and picked him up, hugging him and laughing while Hotdog licked his face.

Suddenly he turned around and carried Hotdog to his truck, then tossed him inside and drove off. I was stunned in disbelief, and I deeply regret not confronting him.

When my dad came back outside the first thing he said was "where's my Hotdog?" and I told him about the old guy.

We drove around for the next 4 hours looking for the truck and talking to various park rangers but we never found him.

When we got back to the campgrounds my dad lost his temper and beat the shit out of me with a set of jumper cables.

The car ride back was completely silent until my dad uttered "I bet that old man ate our Hotdog . Lotta homeless around these parts."

....

....

My dad didn't see it, but I shed a few tears.

@Happy_Pills said in Question plz answer daddys:

Is eating grass considered a kink?

Have Cl(ass)
Lick Gr(ass)
Eat ass