What went wrong?
I ask myself every day.
I loved you.
I cared for you.
I loved you.
I was blind, to who you were.
I wanted to feel loved. I wanted to be happy
I thought you could do it.
But it finds out..........
it was just a trap I wasn't ready to leave.

Hey guys! I have the greatest pleasure in saying that here in a few hours, won't we get editing done you guys will get to hear the first song on the album and I while I have you guys around. I want to thank @heyitszoey for drawing the album cover because the company thought it would be nice for the cover to be drawn to go with the story. So thank you to Zoey! And I hope you guys will like this!

I have a neighbor upstairs.
He’s always having a bad day,
He’s stomping and yelling,
Which makes me feel sad.
I really don’t know much about him.
I just know he makes my life a lot harder.
He makes me rethink my life when I’m lying in bed.
I hear him walking around, while I dream.

One day he came home really mad.
That day I made a really bad mistake.
I was yelling so loud, I decided to talk to him.
He and I started to get into a huge fight.

Few minutes passed and he and I were still fighting.
We were yelling down each other throats.
I guess we were so loud, my mom came in to check on me.
Little did she know, her worst fear was behind the door?

My mom held her breath and slowly opened the door,
Her mouth dropped open,
She quickly reaches for her phone.
Her daughter is fighting with herself,
Banging her head against a wall,
Yelling “shut up, I just want to sleep”

The EMTs arrive and tie me down,
Even though in my eyes, I’m still yelling with my neighbor
He’s telling me I need to die.
I’m the worst neighbor he’s ever had,
The more I think, the more I believe him.
Maybe it is time to die

My neighbor upstairs was actually my depression.
My imagination made a man and put him in my head.
I’ve gone crazy, at least that’s what the doctors say.

But one thing's for sure,
Soon he will be gone and I’ll get a new neighbor.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am happy and I can't believe I met someone like you. You mean the world to me and we have always had that spark. I love you so much @Liliputian you are my baby, my prince, and the light to my world I love you so much!

Chapter One:
Day Before Big Speech:
Lucas
Today is November 14, 2018. I have exactly 24-hours to write this stupid essay, well I guess it's not stupid since Professor Nicholas is making the whole class do it. Anyway back to what I was going to talk about. We have to write an essay about a time where we gained something/someone and lost something/someone at the same time. It's exactly 3 pm, I got out of class at 12:30 pm. This seems confusing. You probably have no clue what I’m ranting about. Maybe I should back up a few steps.
I had been sitting in my AP English class with about 1,000 kids, since 9 am this morning. I was thinking about my twin brother Connor, since tomorrow makes exactly a month, to the day my brother passed away.
I bring my mind back to class, just in time to because Professor Nicholas is telling the class about our assignment.
“I want you guys to write about a time in your lives when you gained something or someone and lost something or someone at the same time. It can be at any time in your life and about anything you want to write about. The only thing that I require for you. Is that it has to be true. I feel like everyone should have had something like this happen to them but if you haven't come talk to me after class.”
Thoughts filled my mind. “When did I lose something/someone but gained something/ someone at the last time?” I thought to myself. I was so lost and confused.
“You have 24-hours to write this essay and present it tomorrow. To the class.” Professor Nicholas said looking at all of us.
It was about 12 pm so we had a half an hour of class left so Professor Nicholas lets us brainstorm with other people around us. Which I go to my two best friends in the class with me. Casey and Kyler.
“Do you have any idea what you are going to write this essay about?” Kyler says as he looks at me.
“I have no clue, Lucas you’re the writer in the group, do you know?” Casey jumped in and asked me.
“I’m not for sure just yet, but I'll probably figure it out before the 24-hours are up.” I say to both of them.
Before we know it, Professor Nicholas dismisses us from class and I head back to the dorm.
Which brings us up to speed with me sitting here at my desk, in my small light yellow looking room, in this uninspirational dorm room, I share with Kyler. One of my best friends. That’s completely quiet because Kyler is at work, since 12:30 pm trying to figure out a topic for this essay. And now it's 4 pm. I’m lost and still struggling to find this topic. I have no clue on what I am going to write about. Maybe I should just clear my head for a few minutes. I close my eyes for about 15 minutes and I think about things that have happened in my life I can write my essay about. After clearing my head I finally realize the perfect time in my life. I finally know exactly what my topic is going to be for my essay. I was so excited that I finally found my topic. But the real question now is how am I going to start it?
For 8 hours I had been trying to start this essay, rewrite the first few lines of my paper over and over. I finally found the perfect way to start it. Once I get to writing the essay and the creativity keeps flowing through my body. Once I start I can’t stop, the memories are coming back just like watching a movie. I feel like I’m reliving these moments as I type them for my essay. It seems like the word count that is required is flying by. As I keep writing I had to wipe my eyes because tears started to roll down my face. I pushed through and I kept on writing my essay. I close my eyes, and next thing that happens is I pass out.

Chapter Two: Day of Speech:
The next morning I frantically woke up to my phone yelling at me. And yes, my alarm ringtone is my mom saying “Get up! Time for school! Another step towards your dreams. I love you!” I’m usually wake up before she finishes “Get up!” But I let it play so I can hear my mom’s voice. I'm so excited that I get to see her this week for fall break.
My phone reads 8:05 am. AP English starts in less than an hour. I look at my computer and see that I finished my essay at 2 am in the morning. Thank goodness! I press print, wash my hair and body in the shower quickly, change my clothes, brush my teeth, make a piece of toast, grab my bookbag, my speech hot off the printer, and then I grab my keys as I head out the door.
It took me 20 minutes to get to class today. It usually only takes me 5 to 10 minutes. Traffic was horrible on this Wednesday morning. My nerves start setting in and I feel like throwing up my breakfast which isn't much. My brain keeps telling me I’m not ready to do this. It's 8:25 am, when I usually get here about 8:15, so my brain thinks I’m late. When really I'm completely fine. I'm just not as early today as I usually am.
I sit next to Casey and Kyler, who look pale as a ghost and not ready for this essay, and I start to look over my essay.
“It all started on December 5, 2015. My parents were surprising my brother Connor and me for our birthday. We are fraternal twins. I’m the oldest by 5 minutes. Our parents, along with our little sister Serena, was taking us to a recording studio to see what it's like and see if they would like to hire us. I want to be a recording label owner/ manager. Where Connor, on the other hand, wants to play instruments, write and sing music. We were on our way to the recording studio, it snowed the night before so the roads were slick. My Dad slid on ice and hit a semi-truck head-on.
It was a turning point for my brother and I. Our father died along with our baby sister. She was only 7. Our Mom was unconscious and later turned into a coma and I was rushed to the hospital with a broken leg and 3 ribs. As for my brother, he was unconscious as well. When he woke up, we found out his heart gave out, which we thought it was because of his asthma but it wasn’t and later to have found out he had a heart condition.
After a long year of recovery, our mother was still in a coma and it became 2016. My brother and I had lived with our grandparents ever since the accident. During that time Connor and I had grown closer to each other. He’s my best friends. The other half of me. Something I can’t live without. My second heartbeat. What can I say?
I’m Lucas Steel Rose, I'm turning 18 this year. Same with my baby brother Connor Michael Rose. We are twins, but we don’t look much alike. That’s the point of being fraternal and not identical. I’m 5’2”, brown hair, I spike it all the time, I also have green eyes. Where he is 5’2”, but has blonde hair and he styles it with a gelled hair flip and has blue eyes. We never dress alike either because our mother has a twin brother and her parents, that are now dead, used to dress them alike. I like wearing regular jeans with comfy hoodies with my favorite red converse. Connor wears skinny jeans in different colors with holes, band t-shirts or hoodies along with his favorite blue converse. He and I are both seniors in high school. Well, this is where our story begins.
He and I work at the same recording studio. I help with the soundboards, computers, lights, and microphones. Any technology that deals with music, I’m usually working on it. Whereas for Connor, was normally in the booth playing guitar, piano, drums, and bass. He’s also singing and writing music. He’s actually in a band and was really good. He played lead guitar and sung, go figure. Sometimes he had to take a break from work. Due to his heart condition. With his condition, if he worked too hard playing and started sweating too much his heart would go crazy. Connor had Angina, which means when getting overheated or sweated too much his heart goes into shock and sometimes stopped beating. Even though growing up some signs of this disorder did show up, our family didn’t really think nothing of it. We thought the sweating and shortness of breath was his asthma, after being in the house fire. We really didn’t know it was early signs of Angina. It was hard to see him go through with it. I wished I could've taken his pain away earlier when he had it. I sometimes wished it was me instead of him. We missed our family so much. We used to go out to the cemetery to visit Dad and Serena once in awhile and tell them how life was going. We visited Dad and Serena and then Mom at the hospital. I wished I could have stopped the accident before it happened.
September 21, 2016, was one of the happiest days of my life and was time for the most horrible months to come. Like usual, Connor and I went to see Mom after school. We talked to her for hours. We talked about school, how the jobs were going and told her that we went and saw Dad and Serena. We hoped this would get her to wake up. The doctors said it was a good thing that we talked to her about things like that. We also told her how grandma and grandpa were doing. We asked her to open her eyes but she doesn’t Connor and I wonder if it might be time to pull the plug. We felt like, that’s what she’d want even though it would be hard to see our Mommy go.
Connor left because he had to help grandpa move some things out of our house and I stayed with Mom. he had been gone for mo more than 5 minutes.
I was telling Mom that I started to like this girl. He name was Bri. “She’s so pretty, Mom. Almost as pretty as you.” I said to her with tears in my eyes. “I hope one day you can meet her Mom, she is so sweet and kind. Reminds me a lot of you.” as I say holding my mother’s hand.
I get up and walk to the window that’s in her room. “Mom, would you be mad if Connor and I pulled you off the ventilator? I mean Mom, we don’t want to see you like this. It hurts us to know the only thing that's keeping with us is this ventilator. It’s been a year and 8 months Mom if you can hear me I need you to do something. Mommy, I miss you.”

@heyitszoey Same gurl..I'm giving up!

Chapter One:
Day before Big Speech:
Lucas
Today is November 14, 2018. Today my Professor has given me the assignment of writing a story/essay of some sort. We have to write an essay about a time where we gained something/someone and lost something/someone at the same time. It's exactly 3 pm, Class ended around 12:30 pm. And I’m here sitting at my desk in my dorm room ranting on about how I have no clue on how I am going to start or even write is crazy essay on because the Professor said it HAD to be true. So this is the beginning of the boring wonderful life God gave me the pleasure of calling mine.
It was like any other boring, college life filled day. Like any other day at San Jose State University in San Jose California. I had been sitting in my AP English class with 35 students, for me majoring in journalism just in case this basketball career everyone thinks I’m going to get doesn’t work out, since 9 am this morning. I was thinking about my twin brother Connor, since tomorrow makes exactly a year, to the day my brother passed away.
I bring my crazy, wandering, and mysterious mind back to class and focus on the professor that is finishing up with the lecture and starts telling us about our next writing assignment that we will have to prepare and read to the whole entire class. I think to myself “Will someone please gag me with a spoon.”
“I want you guys to write about a time in your lives when you gained something or someone and lost something or someone at the same time. It can be at any time in your life and about anything you want to write about. The only requirement I have, is that it has to be true. I feel like everyone should have had something like this happen to them in your life so far but if you haven't, stop by my office after class. Since there is a few minutes left of class, you can talk with your other classmates for ideas and inspiration.”
Thoughts filled my mind. “What the hell am I going to write about now? Talk about a real challenge. I’m ready for the challenge, kind of.” And “here comes the stress of writing this paper and going back home for break and getting ready for the big basketball game”.
“You have 24-hours to write this essay and present it tomorrow to the class.” Professor Nicholas said looking at all of us.
It was about 12 pm so we had a half an hour of class left so Professor Nicholas lets us brainstorm with other people around us. Kyler, Casey, and I just work together since we are side by side from one another.
“Do you have any idea what you are going to write this essay about?” Kyler says as he looks at me.
“I have no clue, Lucas you’re the writer in the group, do you know?” Casey jumped in and asked me.
“I’m not for sure just yet; this is a challenge for me. I’ve been through so much in my life. I will probably figure it out at midnight tonight and write it within an hour. Let’s just hope that’s not the case.” I say to both of them.
Before we know it, Professor Nicholas dismisses us from class and I head back to the dorm.
Which brings us up to speed with my current life of me sitting here at my small boring brown desk that my grandfather gave to me when I was younger in this awful pee yellow looking color of a bedroom, in a two bedroom, one full bathroom, kitchen/dining room, and living room, with my one and only male best friend, Kyler Collen. As of right now the dorm room is awfully quiet, and that’s just because Kyler, I call him Ky, is at work until 5. He had to work at 1 and we got out of class around 12:30.
As I sit here confused and let hours pass by, it’s now 4 pm. I’m lost and still struggling to find this topic. My mind is racing with many thoughts and I still have no clue where to start. I feel like I should clear my mind for a few minutes to hopefully come back to this computer and start typing up my story/essay. I close my eyes and I start to think about things that have happened in my life, I think about my mom, and the struggles she came through in her life, and how she has overcome so much. Then I think about Connor my twin brother, and about his life and how he always wanted to make a difference no matter where he went in life.
After clearing my head and thinking about my family. I finally realize the perfect time in my life. I finally know exactly what my topic is going to be for my essay. I feel so relieved. But the real question now is how am I going to start it? I don’t know why this is so hard for me. I write stories and poetry all the time and I don’t have this much trouble starting them or getting an idea in my head, today I feel like I finally found my challenge.
I’ve rewritten the opening sentence 5 times and I’m really struggling. For the first time in my life I’m actually worried I won’t be able to finish an assignment and not impress the people around me with my writing skills. It kind of breaks my heart, to know that I may actually fail at the one thing I thought I could do in a heartbeat. As I keep rewriting the beginning I finally found out how to start it and I start to write the rest of the story.
As I write I feel the emotions coming out of my body and onto the paper, it feels like I’m reliving every moment that I’m writing about and I go back in time to when this actually happened. In doing this, it floods my brain with emotions. I can feel the sadness that I once felt in the hospital, the worry; when I found out my brother was sick, the depression I felt when I lost my father and sister, and the doubt that I felt when I thought I wasn’t going to be able to be strong enough for the people around me.
I wipe my eyes a couple times from the tears that fall down my face. In that moment of writing about what happened in my life, remembering all the details and feeling all of the emotions. It feels like I’m actually reliving the catastrophic events all over again. This makes my body want to throw up, because I know that no matter how long I live for, I will never be able to go through that again.
And feeling that makes me worried even more. I know it’s not real and that it already happened. I know I’m writing about the past. But like all good writers say, “History sometimes repeats itself” and that’s the last thing I want to happen.
The memories, pain, sadness, anger, doubt, loneliness, depression, and worry, keep flooding my mind, but I push through the many emotions that my body is making me feel and keep on writing.
The creativity starts flowing through my body. When I write about something so personal, every nerve in my body ignites with sensitivity. I keep writing and writing. Wiping my eyes and continue to write then repeat. My mind wonders for a moment and thinks about what it would be like if what happened to us actually didn’t. How would our lives be different? Where would I be? What would I be doing? Would Connor still be here? What would he be doing? Would I still be in the same place I am today? I keep pushing through the tears and finish writing.
The next thing that happens is I remember Ky coming in and telling me I should go sleep on my bed and not my desk.

I miss me. The old me. The happy me, the smiling me, the bright me, the laughing me. The gone me. I'm exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.
Every thought is a battle, every breathe is a war. And I don't think I'm winning anymore.

So the company I was using is being a dick. So I told them I want to do this on my own. So the teaser I said you guys were going to get is not happening. So I have a better teaser. And I'm giving you guys the lyrics to the final song on the album called "final song" is a goodbye song to the mother in the storyline of the album because she passes away because of Cancer. And the people that are singing are the Husband and the two girls. The chorus is the girls and the rest is the husband. Let me know what you guys think of the lyrics.

FINAL SONG by HALEIGH_ALEXIS

seems like yesterday, we were holding hands, saying I love you for the very first time. Seems like yesterday was one of the many days I fell in love with you. But in a blink of an eye, it goes by so fast. But baby looks how far we come, battling this for the second time. I know you'll be by my side, but you are definitely the love of my life. I wouldn't change it for the world. Oh baby me and the girls love you

This is goodbye to Momma
We're gonna miss you
Goodbye Momma,
You're an angel in the sky
we love you Momma
we know you're right by our side
goodbye Momma

I know you wish you can take it back but we'll make it to you someday. look how our girl is growing, they look as beautiful as you. But we know yours by our side.

This is goodbye Momma.
We'll get tot to see you soon.
we're gonna miss you
Goodbye Momma
You're an angel in the sky
We love you Momma
We know you're right by our side.
Goodbye, momma.

Oh, baby, we love you, we really do, I love you, I really do, oh I love you, yes I really do. so here's to our final song
Yeah eh yeah, here's to our final song.

I wish you would notice me.
But you permanently put me in the "friend zone".
I wish you would see that you mean more to me.
And sometimes I wish we could be more.
I don't want to be the sister.
Or the best friend...
I want to be the one that lays down next to you at night.
Why can't you see that?

@shattyadrenal This girl isn't me. Its my best friend. She passed away due to suicide. And that's how she saw life. And reading this over and over, it fucks with my mind because she was my best friend. She was like a sister. And I just wanted to give it to the world.

@willow graps your heart ask her your self.

Whoever is making fun of @Melody can come to me. Because I ain't having that shit. I mean, who in the hell thinks it's right to bully someone. So if you have something to say come say it to me. And we can have a nice chat. Thanks!

@willow @heyitszoey she always answers me when I message her. She's helped me through a lot. If anyone loves her, its me. She's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. And once she sees that I'm fighting for her. She will love me even more.

I see you from across the room.
Where has the time gone?
We used to love each other,
We used to care so much.
Then came the fighting.
I became clingy.
I became worried.
And you wanted someone else.
So you moved on and I stayed behind.
But what was really happening?
I was caring, I care too much. I care a lot. I want to make sure you are treated the way you should be treated. I wanted you to know what it's like to be loved. I wanted to show you another side of the world.
You just couldn't see that.
So you moved on to one of the girls that let you do whatever you want.
Either I was blind..or you didn't want a girl that actually cared.

@willow I give up! THey want me hidden.