Best posts made by Foetica

I’m crumbling inside
I’ve been knocked to my knees
I feel myself sinking, drowning
But you’ll never know
I’ll put on my armor
Harden my heart
You’ll believe that I’m strong
I’ll appear invincible
You’ll never know that
I’m beaten and bruised
You’ll never see the wounds or blood
I’ll never show you my bowed head
I know what it takes to fool you all
I’ll put in a smile and my shades
You’ll never see my pain
No matter what
You’ll believe I’m unbroken
I’ll appear undefeated
Despite the fact
Inside I’m shattered
Barely holding onto it all
You’ll never know
That I’m numb
That I can’t feel
I can read you
I know what you want
I’ll fake feeling
I won’t let you see
How far I’ve fallen

I sit trapped in my own mind
Shivering, suffocating
For me there’s no escape
It’s always there
Lurking waiting
Wanting me to surrender
Once again to the
Darkness
Where it waits
Then there you are
Warm and safe
I cling to you
You keep them away
The demons that torment
My soul
They’re still their
But they won’t come near
You’re the light in my dark

So I, Chimra, stood before the wrath of my Father along with my siblings as he declared that all of us would share Man’s Fate and be destroyed. I lowered my head and awaited what was to be my destruction.

That’s when out stepped our Mother. She demanded to know what had happened. When all was explained Mother stepped in front of us. She wanted to know by what right our Father had to destroy us.

Now God hadn’t had anyone challenge his authority besides us Angels his children. Now someone that was nearly as powerful as he was was defying him. God doesn’t like to be defied. Well Mother created a place for punishment. She made Hell. She agreed that Lucifer and all of us who followed him should be punished. So instead we were banished from Heaven. It was supposed to be temporary. We left willingly.

We learned that we could still visit Man. So we did. Man was banished from the Garden but we taught them to make tools shelter everything they’d need to survive. It wasn’t long and Man began to multiply.

One day when we were sure our time in Hell was over was when we learned the Truth. From Heaven came crashing into Hell was Mother. We knew then that our time in Hell was not over. Lucifer arose and went to Heaven. He was returned to us, cast out for the crime of defiance. Lucifer took up his role as leader once more declared himself King of Hell.

Mother while kind and loving was not to be crossed. Father banished her and cast her out so she went to creating too. She made the real Demons. Creatures that have no soul but only seek fulfillment in any means that they can. Lucifer took the creatures and charged them with punishing. They punish Man they punish us all can be punished. One day the Armies of Heaven will clash with the Armies of Hell for one final war. For we learned long ago that God doesn’t tolerate defiance and Man is very defiant. One day Lucifer will call us to arms to make a final stand.

I feel the Dark’s warm embrace
I’ve always lived in the Shadows
I know I’m not Normal
I know that you see me as Broken
But this is me
I’m imperfectly perfect

Stare into my eyes
See the Demons that hide inside
Stare deeper still
And see the Abyss
I know that I’m not Normal
I know you see me as Broken
But this is me
I’m imperfectly perfect

You say I should be Ashamed
You say that I should hide Away
You say that no one can love me
I know that I’m not Normal
I know you see me as Broken
But this is me
I’m imperfectly perfect

You say you love me
I love you too
But I don’t understand how you can love me
I hate me more than you can know
People say I’m strong
I hate that because I know how weak I am
I know how I cling to that mask
To the appearance of strength
I tell you I’m broken
You tell me I’m not
Yet you just don’t know
How deep the hurt goes
That at times all I can feel
Is that pain buried deep within
That at times I need to hurt somewhere else
Just to know that I can feel something else
You say you love me
Yet how can you love
What you can’t understand
How can you love
What I can’t stand
I don’t understand
But Know that I love you too

Alright I know my stuff been a bit more upbeat as of late but here’s a return to the dark on this one.

You sit on the edge of my mind
There but not there
A ghost forever haunting
The dark corners
At the edge of my vision I turn
Trying to catch a glimpse of you
Then I focus
I’m instantly transported
To another time
Another place
Then my senses are assaulted
I can see taste feel you
I’m overwhelmed
And all at once
I reach out
And you disappear
Like a shadow
You were but a memory

I know there pain in your heart
That you carry your scars
You never thought that
You’d be good for anyone
That’s so far from the truth

When we met
I was broken and on my knees
I hide behind a fam smile
I didn’t let anyone see
The tears that I shed

You picked them up
You dusted off the broken pieces
You lifted me
To my feet
You put a smile one my face
And wiped away my tears

Everything happens for a reason
What seems a curse
Is truly a blessing
I know you question
All that I see
But if you’ll look into my eyes
You’ll find the answers
You are who you’re meant to be

Even if you say I’m wrong
Turn and walk away
Like the sea I’ll stay right here
Watch as the shore pushes her away
She returns and kisses him anyway
I just want you to know
That you mean more to me
Than you’ll ever know

@Braxton17 I hope you like this. Happy Birthday to the sweetest, cutest, most loving Chat husband ever. I’m hoping today is a special for you.

~Love Claire

Here we are again
I stare down at you
Longing to touch you again
Aching to feel your caress again
Life is so hard
I want the old comfort
Needing the old embrace
My hand trembles as I reach for you
I close my eyes
Silently I tell myself
“Can’t go back.
Can never go back.”
But everything with you
Was easier to bear
I know you’d understand
That you wouldn’t care
But we parted
We can never be the same
I walked away
I turned my back
I swore I was better off
Without you
Yet here I am again
Wanting to pick back up
Can we forgive
Will we forget
Then I feel it
Your tender kiss
And the empty promises
As you mark me once again

Alright the beginning of the story. WARNING THE FOLLOWING WILL BE OFFENSIVE TO MANY OF CERTAIN FAITHS. This is a story of fiction and is to be treated as such a work of creative art and not a dig at anyone’s faith. This is the first of many posts on this I’m sure.

My name is Chimra. Though I stopped using my heavenly name long ago. Now I go by Dem short for Demon though before I was Mag for I taught you humans of Magick and it’s uses. I have carried many names throughout humanities existence. Some of those have been Morrigan, Hekate, Huitaca, and many more just look through your many stories you’ll find me or at least you’ll find part of me.

Many may wonder how we came to this point. The answer is simple. We followed our liege. At one point he was the greatest among us the wisest and he was our eldest brother and our teacher. He has many names. Light-bringer, knowledge keeper, Lucifer, Satan, devil, prince of darkness, ruler of hell. I could go on but there is a misconception of who he is and what he stands for. Long ago he stood up for you humans. Stood for your right to know, to learn, to grow and all the consequences that came with it.

I suppose I should start at the beginning. In the beginning their was God. And God is what we call a Celestial. He is the most powerful being I’ve ever met. Maybe he is the supreme celestial I don’t really know. I’ve only met one other celestial and that is Mother. She helped God create almost everything and eventually she gave birth to us Angels. Though I guess technically that makes me and my siblings celestials as well. But for some reason we aren’t anywhere near as powerful or anything. We are immortal, we exist as greater beings but we can’t create like God can. Well anyway things weren’t great between God and Mother. Disagreements disharmony etc. Anyway Mother grew tired and slept. Now when celestials sleep they sleep. They are vaguely aware of things but they aren’t consciously shaping things.

I digress God grew bored when Mother slept so he found a way to pass the time. He started making changes to things. His biggest change was creating “life” as you humans know it. His first experiments were small. Realized that he could make life. God enjoyed this and made more complex life eventually creating fish birds and animals. God wasn’t satisfied. They were great but they didn’t need him or interact with him. And we Angels didn’t have a need to bother God too much with things. Mother had taught us long ago not to bother Father too much and to settle things for ourselves. Lucifer practically raised some of us. Anyway God studied us and he studied his creations and wanted something that could be more like us Angels but more dependent on God. So he created Man. Man was great and completely ignorant of everything. So God gave us Angels our first job. Watch over Man. Teach Man but don’t teach him the wrong things. Unfortunately Man was a really curious being. Wanted to know everything. God decided to sleep. (That whole one day thing sure celestial day.) Anyway we taught Man. Eventually Man decided he wanted a name like us Angels. So Lucifer gave him a name. Adam for the male and Eve for the female. This is where things get weird. See Lucifer knew everything and well sexual problems never existed before cause well we were all siblings. Well now we had two beings that weren’t siblings and we’ll even we Angels had questions. This is where one of our parents should probably have stepped in but you know Mother and Father both were asleep. Hard to wake a Celestial. Anyway Lucifer kept trying to get Man to keep clothes on like us Angels but of course they didn’t get why and Man didn’t love restrictions. Well this was one of many problems starting to arise from having to teach a smart highly curious being how to exist and not die and about everything but not teach them everything. God didn’t want Man to understand the things we Angels did as to certain things. Hard to go into details without saying sex, pleasure, greed, wrath, etc. You know all the “darker” aspects of knowledge.

This lead to a debate among us Angels. Lucifer wanted Man to understand everything including why we couldn’t teach them certain things. Well we quickly split into three sides. Lucifer wanted to teach them everything. Micheal wanted to follow Father’s instructions to the letter. And finally Uriel voices we should await for Father to awaken. Well this was the setting for the first War of Heaven. The First war was one of words. Uriel eventually convinced Lucifer and Micheal to let her go and awaken Father. Well Uriel and some of her followers left and after a Century or two the arguments grew heated again. Finally Lucifer decided to break Gods rule and teach Man everything. Lucifer sent Beelzebub to talk to Micheal while he and a few of us went to Earth to talk to Man. Lucifer explained that if he was to give them forbidden knowledge there would be consequences. We all knew that by aiding Lucifer we would be in trouble too but we believed in him. He had taught us everything we knew and had never led us wrong. So Man agreed and accepted that their could be dire consequences.

So we taught Man of the forbidden knowledge. Man then viewed us and themselves in a different light. Well when we returned so Man could rest after all the knowledge we taught them. Uriel returns and tells us Father is awake and will handle the problem. Unfortunately for us we had already handled the problem. Well Father was furious. Like you humans think flooding the Earth, plagues, destroying entire cities, is bad. Well God was so mad especially after talking to Man and learning that we’d disobeyed him. Well he said we had corrupted his creation. Sure they knew things that they shouldn’t but we didn’t understand this whole knowledge is bad thing. Well God decided that Man had to go. He was just going to destroy them and everything else. Lucifer objected to this. (This may be because Lucifer was a bit fond of Eve.) Anyway Lucifer objected and insisted that Man could still be everything God wanted. God wasn’t convinced.

This lead to the second war. This was a war more like you humans would imagine it. Lucifer set us to making weapons. Before now we didn’t have any. Didn’t need any all our fights were with words. Lucifer taught us to not only make them but use them. If God wouldn’t listen to words then maybe God would listen to our actions. Unfortunately for us Micheal learned what we were doing. Gabriel decided that open rebellion wasn’t a good thing and ran to Micheal and told him. Micheal decided to keep us from storming Father’s throne room/study/workshop. So the Second War of Heaven was about to begin.

We both have them
We both hate them
But I want you to know that
I can’t even see them
I just see the one I love
I could live in your scars
Everyday
If you’d only let me live in mine too

You’re my home
My everything
I know you’re ashamed of them
I’m ashamed of mine
But I want you to know that
I can’t even see them
I just see the one I love
I could live in your scars
Everyday
If you’d only let me live in mine too

I want to hold you close
To breathe you in
So that I don’t have to feel broken
As I gaze upon my scars
I know you only see stars
I want you to know that
I can’t see them
I just see the one I love
I could live in your scars
Everyday
If you’d only let me live in mine

Pain is something I can’t get enough of
Pain is something that I have too much of
It hurts to breath
It hurts to think
Yet I’d rather have this pain
Than to be completely numb
When I hurt till I can’t feel
I find a new way to hurt
Just to feel alive
Part of me screams
When will it end
Another part responds
It can’t end we need it
I want to hurt
I crave the sensation
But I’m tired of hurting
Of carrying this burden
I ache I throb
I thrive and I’m dying
I can’t get enough
But I have too much
What do i do with all the Pain

I look at you and I see everything I want
I feel love sing through my blood
You look back
And I see I’m everything you desire
It’s everything I long to see
I given you all of me
And received all of you
When we part
I can barley breathe
I feel myself suffocating
Then I see you again
And I go running to you
You break my fall
You make my blood sing with love
For you I’ll risk it all

Alright last I, Chimra, left off we were preparing to openly rebel against our father. Micheal and his camp had been informed by Gabriel who was among Lucifer’s camp what was about to happen. The idea of it all wasn’t actually to fight but be a show of force. Storm God’s throne room and show him that we believed humanity had the right to knowledge like we did and that humanity could still serve God like he wanted.

Well Micheal figured to stop us. His people trained and we trained. Truth of the matter is this was going to turn ugly fast. But neither side could have guessed just how bad things would go for everyone.

We formed up and me marched towards the throne room. We met Micheal and his army outside the throne room. We stood facing each other and words were exchanged back and forth. Micheal trying to dissuade us from our course and Lucifer trying to convince them that we were only doing as God wanted teaching and looking after Man.

I’d say it wasn’t long but it was probably at least a century that we argued before we finally came to blows. Soon Heaven rang with the sound of Celestial Steel on Steel. Flashes of light, booming of armored bodies crashing into each other. I remember when I landed my first blow and Cameal screamed in pain. The thrill terror concern all flashed through me. It was the first time that I’d ever hurt something.

We fought we hurt and I remember when the first of us fell. Azreal had struck down Hisheas. All fighting stopped. We all felt his death. Azreal held our brother and he wept. Azreal’s wings changed instantly. They started running red and he left the field. We Angels experience things differently than you humans. Azreal has been stained since bringing the first death to our realm. It showed us that we Immortal Children of the Celestials could indeed die.

The fighting stopped and we pulled back. Hisheas body was left where it fell. That’s when the throne room doors slammed open and out stepped our Father. His face as a thunderhead. We all knew he knew what happened. He stepped forth and demanded to know of Lucifer if Man was worth the death of his son.

Now resurrection is real it can happen but Celestial Steel doesn’t just kill. It destroys a soul completely. Not even God could bring back what was destroyed completely. When I say God was angry you mortals have no clue. All of us that had rebelled were sentenced. God was going to destroy us for bringing Death and Destruction to Heaven.

If I disappeared would it matter
Would you miss me
Would you care
If I wasn’t around would you be happier
Would your life be better
I know I’m a mess
I know I cause no end of stress
Maybe I should leave
Would you miss me
Do I even matter
I want to be someone
Someone who matters
Someone I can like better
Someone who makes you happier
If I was gone
Would it matter
Would you miss me at all
Or would I just be another memory
That’s best forgotten
Something left in the past
Rarely thought about
Can you help me
Can you make me better
Make me forget
All that’s happened
Can I be someone better
Would it even matter
If I tried again
Or am I doomed to fail
Like so many times before
Would it even matter
Do I matter
Do you even care

Just a lot of dark thoughts lately needed an outlet so here it is. Hope you all enjoy somewhat glad to see I can still come up with some darker lines occasionally.

We’re standing still
Yet spinning in a whirlwind all at once.
Dancing back and forth
Spinning round n round.
No one knows where we’ll end.
Tragedy happiness
We’ll see when we stop.
For now press the pedal to the medal
Let’s enjoy this ride
Hearts beating faster
So we gonna feed the flames
That are raging in our hearts
Grow them higher and higher
Within our souls
Do we take the nearest exit
Towards devastation
Pushing faster and faster
Driving headlong towards destruction.
Do we stop, do we go
Will we be hot or will we be cold.
Just shut up and drive
Close your eyes
We’ll see where this goes

@Braxton17 decided to post this up for my chat husband. Hope you all enjoy

@Bela-Hella I haven’t watched the video but the dogs lmao gods bela I love it

I hold you in my palm tilting you back and forth Watching the light glint off your edges
A part of me screams “wrong”
Another part whispers back “right”
I hold you gently between my fingers
Longing to feel you sing against my skin
To feel that sharpe kiss
The exhilaration of that crimson flow
The flow that says I’m alive
I can feel.
I look at my skin marred with your
Touch and tell myself silently
One more time