Best posts made by Cheesecake.Lesb

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’

I sleep with my socks on bc my feet get cold easily, but my friends say that's weird how is that weird lol

Who loves the movies? What is your favorite Harry Potter movie? Who is your favorite character? What do you love about it? Did you like the movies or books better?
I love them, my favorite one is the first one, My favorite character is Hermione Granger, I love the magic it takes me to my imagination, I liked the movies better bc I could see the magic and the creatures.

Mine would have to be Valentine's day bc I love the colors and I love candy especially the cheap chocolate on Feb. 15 lol

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbour says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

mine include bowling, playing the piano, and shopping on Amazon. I want to know if anyone shares my hobbies or has any that I could try.

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’ Sid asks. ‘Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex, take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep and wake up the next day.’ ‘Oh, my God,’ says Sid. ‘So that’s what heaven is like?’ ‘Oh no,’ says Irv. ‘I’m not in heaven. I’m a bear in Yellowstone Park.’

@boots22 I love that I'm tired of it too... I go through the unread posts every morning to find something to talk on and all I see is "horny" "big dick here" "looking to talk to someone experienced" and all that stuff it's gross.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’

I'm in college for Business bc I want to open up my own restaurant one day and I've wanted to be a chef since I was 12

A guy dies and is sent to hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in dirt up to their necks. The guy says, ‘No, let me see the next room.’ In the second room, people are standing in dirt up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally Satan opens the third room. People are standing with dirt up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating pastries. The guy says, ‘I pick this room.’ Satan says Ok and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, ‘OK, coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!’

@willoww everything about me is unique, I'm a lesbian, I don't care what anyone thinks of me, I hate it when people are sexist, I stand up for anyone who is innocent even if I don't know them, I want to have all the homeless, parentless kids in the world just to make them happy, and I'm nice to everyone who deserves it.

@wtfjudith It should be legal I mean it's their choice to sell their bodies, it's not like people make them do it. I think anyone who is poor, older than 18, and not doing it to be a slut bag should be able to, it shouldn't have to be like this but sometimes people need the money.

@willoww Vanilla

You better shape up
Cause I need a man
and my heart is set on you
You better shape up
You better understand
To my heart I must be true.

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly. ‘Paint…my….house.’

@meth College: 45mins
Date with my gf: 2 hours
Family reunion: 30 mins
weekends with nothing to do: 10 mins

@willoww You should go instead bc it's ok to be weird if it makes her feel better or if she has an uncle or grandpa they can go with her or any close male figure in your family.

@boots22 said in Consider this....:

Freak out. Take all the food and shit in the store, run away and watch movies all day long and get fat while eating all that food.

Same, except I wouldn't get fat, I wouldn't let myself, also I would go find all the people who broke my heart and I would write "loser" on their head and punch them where it hurts most.

@willoww Then you go it's not that weird if you just want to make her happy.