@Codyy If they don't like you for being yourself , be YOURSELF EVEN MORE :)
LDR and Cheating
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What would you do?
tldr; 1yr+ BF barely have time/internet and is overseas for 9 months every year vs online-friend (not just friends, flirting involved) that has so much time and can come see me anytime if we wanted to. I tried to break-up with BF out of guilt that I can't stop talking/flirting with friend but BF says stop today or he'll be the one to leave. I suddenly felt like I don't want to break-up but I know the situation won't change we still will barely talk due to his circumstances and this will be going on for years.I'm in a relationship with someone for more than a year now, however due to his line of work he often doesn't have internet connection and we barely talk in a day. This wasn't the case when we first met. Both he and I didn't expect that his new job would be like that.
I am someone that is extremely needy and I let him know about it from the start. I love him but I just can't deal with not being able to talk as much. We also don't see each other for a solid 9 months due to his work overseas. I also broke up with him for some issues like repetitive small issues i brought up that he wasn't changing. But that break-up felt just like a fight cause we'd still chat and talk when he has time.
While we weren't together i decided to look for a new hobby.
About a month ago, I started playing an online game where I got close with several people and there's one player that I really got chummy with. We'd play every free time and sometimes even at work. We'd also voice chat in discord with friends at first, then everyone got their own duos/groups and it was just us together. We got closer and closer.We were so close we'd talk way more than I do with my (ex)boyfriend. One day I had a heart-to-heart talk with online-guy (friend), I opened up about my situation. He scolded me about it saying I was being mean to my (Ex)boyfriend and that I shouldn't be letting him chase me for too long cause if he gives up then I'll regret it, I took it to heart and decided to fix up things with my (ex) boyfriend.
So now I have a boyfriend again and a really close online friend. But now I'm way too used to the attention i get from the friend, I love the time that he's giving me. I feel more attached to him because we spend more time chatting/playing/calling consistently than I can have from my boyfriend.
They are both working, boyfriend often has no internet, different time zone, maybe we get an hour a day together online. Friend on the other hand works at home, spends most of his time online with me even during work.
I am so confused about how I feel, I know that I am attached and not in-love with friend so I can't stop talking to him, and I don't know how long I can handle my relationship where I can barely get any quality time with my boyfriend.
I told my boyfriend about my situation and I wanted to break up with him because I felt that I was being unfair. He asked me if I still wanted us it to work and he wants me to stop talking to friend today, he said if I can't do that, he will be the one to leave. I suddenly felt like I don't want that to happen so I am trying not to talk to friend today, and I'd just send my boyfriend a message whenever I felt like chatting with friend. I really wanna talk to friend, I'm not expecting to have a relationship with friend but I really enjoy talking with him.
I love my boyfriend but I often feel like I don't have one. I don't know how long I can stay, if I choose to stay I don't know when I'll slip up again and find attention from someone else. Boyfriend will be working overseas for few more years, though he'd come for a vacation every 9 months and we might see each other a few times. I don't know if I can keep it up. No, I did not enter the relationship with him knowing this is how the situation would be. I want to keep choosing him but I'm so afraid of making mistakes that I enjoy. Just like talking and flirting with friend.
It's not easy to leave boyfriend or friend.
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Leave the friend alone. He has a girlfriend. You both are doing a disservice to your current relationships. It is disrespectful.
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Hey, i want to give you the advice from kinda different point of view, but very much connected.
So i am, believe it or not in a similar situation as you. But on the other side. I have a girlfriend who thinks like you. She has a LDR boyfriend who has got no time to be around all day. When we met we clicked instantly, and shortly after that started flirting, just like you with your friend. She didn't break up with her boyfriend for more or less the same reasons as you, didn't know how to hurt him, or didn't want to, and stuff like that. And the spark with him is gone, as is your spark with your bf since you can flirt with someone else. Trust me on this, break up while it is not too late, while it don't get harder and worse. What can happen to you if you don't is that you can meet someone special, and you will hurt that person, who could love you and be there for you always, and is it worth passing on that because you cant let go of old feelings? its not. If you want to talk about it more feel free to dm me. i hope everything turns out fine for you.
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@sheilae hii thank you so much for taking the time to read my post. And i understand your view on this, I do want to clarify that friend doesn't have a girlfriend. It's me who has a long distance relationship.
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@strangerissimo said in LDR and Cheating:
And the spark with him is gone, as is your spark with your bf since you can flirt with someone else.
While this is true, I do believe that sparks only exist in the beginning of relationships and you can only create it actively in long term relationship. But yes, with our situation it is impossible to spark it up again due to internet connection and the limited time we get to see each other.
Trust me on this, break up while it is not too late, while it don't get harder and worse. What can happen to you if you don't is that you can meet someone special, and you will hurt that person, who could love you and be there for you always, and is it worth passing on that because you cant let go of old feelings? its not.
I really feel this way about the friend mentioned, I feel like he is special and checks all the boxes on my standards. But like you said, I don't know how to actually go through the break up with BF.
BF is a great person, he does everything he can to find time with me but it's just really not enough and I feel bad about it cause I know that he is really doing his best with the situation. -
He has a girlfriend. He is telling you he doesn’t. But he does.
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@sheilae said in LDR and Cheating:
He has a girlfriend. He is telling you he doesn’t. But he does.
Why do you think that? Friend almost spends his whole day talking to me aside from work, where he still finds time to talk...
genuinely curious what led you to believe that? -
@someone216 yeah i get it, i understand how hard it is to break up and how bad you would feel, but please, make no mistake, first time that you feel like somebody else might be better person for you, thats the signal you should always take, no exceptions. And i will repeat myself sorry, but, if you break up now it will be a lot easier than looking back to this moment 2 years from now and wandering what life would be like if you had broken up while it was not too late. Trust me, i myself had a relationship that i didnt want to end because of feeling the grief, but you are doing him more damage by staying with him while you dont really, truly want that, than to leave him straight. I know its hard, but its for the best. Thats my advice, hope you get your feelings sorted out.
