Late night thoughts

[A_Mirage]

This is my page, and with no followers, at least I can speak my mind. I hope I do; it's very hard to be true to yourself these days, isn't it? There are so many things that just mess my head up. Maybe that's why I am trying to write something, to clear this mirage of mine. I never thought I would make a bad decision. Now it's not just one but a series of them—not as perfect as I thought I would be, knowing everything and advising everybody. Well, fuck it all, I am no different. An imperfection perfectly made for this imperfect world

I've always pictured myself as a perfect good girl, but when did it all start to go down the drain? Listening to "Living Hell" by Bella Porche, this song is crawling deep into my skin. 'I can make your life a living hell if I wanted to." I am definitely doing it to myself, though. Especially when you are up until 6 a.m., all the fuckups will just come to you, making you squirt with embarrassment and regret. Want me to give an example? How about I tell you a situation? Imagine having a situational relationship for a while, but because it was a situational relationship, you stopped being indulgent with that person due to the situations we were in (long distance), and believe me, it doesn't work. But who would have known after all the corona facade that he would be here, but this time it's not the same? For starters, his best friend kissed me at a party and later came to my place. I do regret it, but obviously I can't tell him or anyone; we have a lot of mutual friends, and I think he is still interested in me. His best friend and I agreed that we would never mention this to anyone, but I am feeling guilty. Yesterday I went out with this guy, even if I made out with his best friend, but it was way before he came here; we were not even talking back then, but I just feel guilty.

[Bad Taste]

“Obviously I can’t tell him or anyone” is as good as showing an apple without all the worms inside. As hard as it may sound to swallow this (inner me: seems like you have no issues with that considering your polygamy), you have to hold yourself accountable. If you cannot stay true to yourself, you will torment yourself more with it. You can either come clean and stop wasting both your and his time (chances are they will find out - it’s his best friend, after all) or you can continue living in a lie, one that will hit harder as time goes by. It is completely right to feel guilty, meaning you still have your morals in check.

On another note, great nickname pick. It expressed exactly my emotions as I was reading. Went from “I appreciate her expressiveness” to (censored due to vulgar language).