...continued...

[Heyworld]

...I'm not one to let my diagnosis define me or make it my identity. But they are a useful tool for beginning and guiding the direction of treatment. I have ended up stuck in a whirlpool of confusion and doubt and it does have some effect at least on the way I perceive, and often question, who I am and what I do. My thoughts take me to terrible places. I often feel like I am at the bottom of a well with no one and nothing around me, and simply watching the world go by through a narrow lens.

Throughout my life I have taken well over ten medications, and am currently on five, but thankfully stopping titrating down off one of them. Side effects have left my outlook blurry and my mind lacking clarity. I often find that the side effects and causing a greater detriment then any beneficial effects I may be getting. I think there are clearly some benefits, as the couple of spells over recent years I haven't been on many or any meds it has ended in disaster. But I still have quite significant symptoms, and suffer, even if not quite as bad as might otherwise be the case.

Clarity over a diagnosis would be good too for doing homework and trying to find out things that may help from books and online, etc. What might help for one thing might not help for another, or may even make things worse. Around where I live that is pretty much what we are left to do. The waiting list for support services is atrocious - years, many years. It took over 4 years from the initial referral to allocate me a support worker, and only a little less for a psychiatrist. I have recently been referred to the local Autistic Spectrum Conditions team for assessment, but the waiting list is currently around 4 years. I was fortunate to have received support in the past here many years ago, but moved away for a couple years, then back, and had to be re-referred. So that will be 8 years to even find out whether my issues may be associated with and autism spectrum condition. If so, being on most of the meds I've been on will have been pointless, which seems to be the case a lot of the time...

Has anyone experienced similar? How are you currently?

(Note: I am still grateful to have the NHS services available at all)