Hello! I don't know if you'd ever see this but I am willing to listen if you ever need a listener and side with you be it just staring, shouting or cursing the void. I'm always left out and alone and people even the closest and most trusted people that shaped my world made me feel helpless and neglected. I couldn't blame them so as to not hurt or fuck up all my remaining relationship and bonds left. But because its so hate and confusion engulfed me. That is why I can tell you this with certainty.
Your emotions are valid.
No matter how wrong, fucked up or crazy. I just want you to know that your freedom to feel is heard, was listened, is true and is a gift from your soul.
I know nothing of you, from hopes, gene, environment, drive, needs, ect. But it is my selfish wish to reach out to you. I can only relate what you've been through so this may not be the answer your looking for... Just I ..hoped of someone to had squeezed my hand a bit for assurance and encouragement is all. This was exactly my attempt on that...
Internet stranger, I hope the path you walk will lead you where you want. Your best has no limit for growth only you can decide to stop. The worries you have on not being enough is indeed a concern. Not because you aren't but because you got trapped in focusing on others thoughts. Although its easy to give advice not to bother that's very highly unrealistic and vague. So a more practical is think this thought: Do they deserve you? Of your time and effort? Or are you the only one keeping the ball rolling?
Do take note that relationship of any kind takes two and more. With only one its bound to sink.
As for your concern and worry in finding connection. Practical advise is goodbyes are new beginnings. The cycle then repeats. You can only find something if you try looking. Dont worry good news is with the overpopulation and internet its easier.
Wishing you well traveler.