An unpayable debt

[Bark24]

I had this person in my life that was really hard on me. This person was the hardest on me than anyone else has ever been. Sometimes it was suffocating and at times I felt like there was a lot being expected from me and it wasn't fair. There were times when I questioned whether this person even loved me or not. I never hated them, I actually loved them a lot and I felt i deserved more in return. There were times when they made me felt loved like no one else and I cherished those times the most. But then at times this same person would change in to someone I wasn't very fond of, like giving me a hard time and not understanding that i was just human. Sometimes out of spite I would do stuff that I knew I wouldn't do otherwise just because of their behavior and it was plain rebellious. I think I did those things to intentionally hurt them and now looking back I feel I was young and stupid. When you grow up and get a little bit of perspective you start realizing some of the things you were just too immature to understand. In hindsight I started looking at things differently and that's when reality hit me, that this person did what they did to protect me, to teach me about the harsh reality that is life and cared about me more than I could imagine or comprehend at the time. This enabled me to achieve everything I have in life so far. I lost this person when I was still very young and there are times when I regret that I didn't tell them enough that how much I loved them and just how much they meant to me, to hug them one last time and thank them for all they did for me, from putting food on the table while they were fighting with a debilitating illness to smiling in the toughest of times so we can live in our little bubbles and not realize that we may lose him one day as they were fighting a losing battle without us realizing. I was only 12 when I lost them and it left a gaping hole so big that will never be filled by all the happiness in the world as I will never stop missing them like I do. Thank you dad, for everything and I am sorry for being delusional that you will always be around. I really hope you are in an amazing place. I urge the readers, if you have parents, go hug them, love them and value them more and like you haven't till now. And God forbid if you don't, make prayer for them and cherish the memories you had with them. If you don't have any memories of them then just keep them in your thoughts and wish they are in a happy place.

[wet teri]

@Bark24

I too lost my parents at an early age your post made me cry.
On her deathbed my mother ask me if she was a good mother. She asked me if I knew the difference between right and wrong.
She did the very best that anyone could ever expect of the single mother raising two children I miss her more now than I did then and I love her and what she tried to accomplish for me so very much and since her passing I have tried my best or maybe not my best but I've tried to live up to her expectations of me and I just wish that she was here at certain times can you see what her little boy became.
No matter how bad it hurts you know now that it's true when the parents say it hurts me worse than it hurts you. You know the sayings it's for your own good.
You're not helping your children by sparing the rod. If you do not teach your children there are consequences for doing wrong you are not helping them in the world. Teach your children are realities of life try to do it with love and patience having lived through most of mine I know it is not easy. Anyone can be a father or a mother but it takes are real person to be a good parent.
Raise your children well raise them into human beings you would be proud of. Instill upon them integrity and morals. Teach them to be loving, patient and caring and honest. Not only to others but to themselves also.

Mom and Dad I love you may you rest in peace knowing you did your best and your little boy became a good man.

[Bark24]

@wet-teri I am so sorry for your loss. Passing away of a parent is never easy. I am glad you are trying to become everything she expected you to be. We owe it to them. We are fortunate to have their memories with us. I know she must be an incredible person and proud to have a sun like you. May your parents rest in peace.