I'm afraid I have missed my chance at being hers. If only I had confessed my true feelings long ago, maybe she'd still be in my life. But recently, I shared something personal with her. A song I had written a long time ago, but then one night completely changed almost all the lyrics. Within the lyrics of my song, I was confessing all my feelings to her. A few days went by and we met up one night to hang out. We did that often, either getting together late at night or early in the morning to watch the sunrise. Since that one night, about 2 weeks ago, Iv'e heard nothing from her. I wasn't asking her for a relationship or for her to confess any feelings she had towards me. I just had to let her know what was on my mind. I was holding it in for a long time and for me, the greatest way to share what's inside is writing a song, singing those words, and strumming my guitar. My music is my get-away. It is my own dimension where time doesn't exist. Only what I'm thinking in that moment. I get lost when I sing and play guitar. Anyways... I just feel like she might of found someone else or she was too thrown off by hearing those words "I'm in love with you.". I honestly feel like I scared her away. One minute we were communicating. Then one day, it stopped. Iv'e sent her messages but she has not replied to any. I sent one final message and apologized and told her I would back off and that if she ever wanted to see me, I would still be here. But it feels like ill never see her again. I still want her in my life someway. But, if she chooses never to speak to me again, I have to live with it...don't i? But i just can't move on yet. I don't want to. We shared something so special. I was excited to see her every time we hung out. But i think I blew it for good. Now, all i feel is this sinking emptiness inside. Days will go by where I feel absolutely no emotion towards anything or anyone. It's like a part of my brain has been shut down so that I don't "feel" anymore. I'm numb. I have breakdowns at least once a week where all my pain just comes to my realization and I end up crying on and off for hours alone while drinking from a bottle of Captain Morgan. I think my heart is breaking. It feels like part of me has died inside. I'm not so sure I'll ever be the same again. Because all i can think about is that, regardless of my love for her, Iv'e lost her completely. I don't know if I'll ever be able to truly move on. I'm in love... and it hurts so much.
Posts made by jay94
I Was Too Late... My Heart Is Breaking
RE: Just to vent.. type as I thought.
@sky95 I just went through an exact same situation.... sounds like she's waiting on you to tell her how you feel and what you're thinking. You have to take risky chances sometimes ya know? Or you'll never know. Maybe she doesn't know how to tell you how she feels because she's scared of ruining the special connection between the 2 of you. I think that she might be thinking of you. Wondering what she's supposed to do now. Maybe she'll say something to you in person next time ya'll see each other or whatever. If one things for sure, sounds like there's something special between you two. Just look her in the eyes and ask her how she feels about you. Maybe that's all she's waiting for. For you to ask the question. Hey man, go for it!