TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder, anorexia, horrible medical stuff
If youre opening this post youre either incredibly sick in the head or just curious about what Im going to say
If youre looking for proana content here, please stay and read this, I really do beg you.
If you are a moderator, read through this quickly, I have a message for you in the end of this post.
I know my account is mostly for shits and giggles but this is actually serious.
Anorexia is not something you want. I know you have heard this before, and it probably goes in one ear and out the other at this point. I am not saying that you don't want to lose weight. You most likely do, that's why you're looking for proana, right? But what you don't want is a horrible mental disorder.
Proana, and by extension anorexia, is a lot like a cigarette. At first it seems like all fun and games. An easy way to "become cool" or to achieve some body ideal. You'll stop once you want to, right? I mean, it's just a cigarette, or just some unhealthy habits and ideas from the internet. You're in control, right?
That's exactly what I thought, too.
I became sick with anorexia at 16. I've hated my body since I was 10 and my gender dysphoria never helped it. I have a curvy body and I am trans masc, so you can just imagine how much I love myself. Wanna guess how I really got sick though? By spending time at the lovely proana side of twitter. It only took two weeks of that content to get me sucked into anorexia and be put onto the deadly rollercoaster of a destructive mental disorder.
It's not like I was horribly mentally ill at 16. In fact, I was doing pretty well. I was in a relationship with someone I loved, he loved me back, school was stressful but I had some good grades to show off, and my dysphoria was a bit lighter back then. I wasn't weak, per say. Not after all that I had been through in this bitch of a life.
Guess what? Still got sick. REALLY. REALLY SICK.
I lived the entire summer of 2020 counting calories and obsessively exercising. I cried every day over something related to anorexia, either my body was horrible or I had eaten too much. That didn't turn out well.
By the time my mom dragged me to the doctors and I got admitted to the eating disorder clinic my heart was barely beating. If it weren't for quarantine, I would've been taken inpatient against my own will. No questions asked.
Here's just a little list of what was up with me to give you an idea.
- Obviously, my BMI was dangerously low
- My heart rate was so low I was at risk of having my heart stop when I was sleeping
- I had severe hypotension
- My guts stopped working. Completely. I took laxatives to try to get things moving there but nothing happened
- Unfortunately for me I am biologically female, so of course I had to say byebye a gogo to my periods
- I had constant chest pains any time I got even slightly tired or hot
- I couldn't think at all. My head was incredibly cloudy and I remember NOTHING from the start of summer to early october that I didn't capture on photo or something
- My liver readings were abnormally high, and obviously I was deficient in pretty much every possible nutrient
Guess what. None of that made me love my body. None.
It isn't as simple as "just eat" either. I cried before, during, and after every meal I had.
I hope I got through you. No one is angry at you. If this did get through to you, please take my advice.
- Please drop everything related to weight loss and dieting for the time being, at least anything related to such that is in your hands alone.
- Seek medical support. If you're not overweight or at risk for diseases like heart disease, all you need is a psychologist. No one specific, just someone who works with psychology. If you are overweight or at risk, go see a doctor. Ask a medical professional about potential steps you should take to guarantee your health.
- Take the medical professionals advice and continue visiting professionals for as long as necessary. If your doctor tells you to talk to a dietician, talk to a dietician (A real one, not some bs proana coach). If your psychologist suggests you to see a therapist, see a therapist.
I can't do much to help people, but I can offer a shoulder to cry on and some sound advice. If you need a buddy, I'll be here.
For moderators: I don't know what power moderators have on TWS, but you guys gotta do something about proana tags on this website. Your proana community is still small here, so it's far easier for you to do something about this before it gets horribly out of hand.
The tags you should be looking out for are proana, promia, thinspo and some others, if you need an ex-insiders help message me. Either delete these tags or somehow censor them. Theyre promoting horrible mental illness.