So I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Like a lot a lot. And my life is not what it use to be. I use to be this happy bitty girl who always smiled. Who always had time to talk to friends. Who never let others bring down her happy mood. Someone who others went to for help and he helped them without blinking an eye. The girl who never was on anyone’s bad side.
Yesterday I had an off day from online and I thought a lot about my life. Like a lot! And I just wanted to share my feeling on here.
But now looking at me and how far I have come is fucking upsetting. From that beautiful upbeat girl, to a girl who had no time for anyone not even herself. And she is so focused on being online to talk to others that she doesn’t realize the life going on around her. It’s making me sick!!
As for those of you who know me really well you kid my baby brother is my world. I love him more then anything and everything. It’s his first grade year this year and he’s really really struggling bad. And his older sister(me) hasn’t done anything to help him. His older sister that he idolizes hasn’t had time to help him. ITS KILLING ME INSIDE OUT.
My friends. The real ones. They already also going through stuff. Friday at a foodball game by best friend, Landon, pulled me away from everyone and he asked me, “Abby what haven’t you been talking to me? I know your not alright. What’s going on? Your not who you use to be.” And I told him I was fine. It ate me alive to lie to my best friend because I can’t tell him that I am so fucking focused on being online that I don’t have time to have “proper emotions”
I know he knows something is wrong but I also know that a lot is wrong. A hella lot. I’m really, really, really, really, really, considering leaving. Everything and everyone online. It’s going to be hard but I have become someone who I despise. I cannot let myself be this way. And I’ve made some bonds on here but those bonds are not as strong as I believed them to be. I love you guys a lot but I need to love myself too and I can’t do that if I don’t even have time to fix myself.
Now this is not a “I’m leaving look at me” post. This is a I’m considering leaving for my own health so if you need me you know I might not be here. Now I might pm some people more about this but I pretty much have my mind set up. I need to focus more on things that are more important. And this might hurt some people and it might not. I just want the people who care to know my reasoning for up and leaving.
With love,
Abby.83, Abby.22, Captain_Marvel, Vampire_Queen
how are you with work and university and all? You been doing good?