TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder, anorexia, horrible medical stuff

Greetings
If youre opening this post youre either incredibly sick in the head or just curious about what Im going to say
If youre looking for proana content here, please stay and read this, I really do beg you.
If you are a moderator, read through this quickly, I have a message for you in the end of this post.
I know my account is mostly for shits and giggles but this is actually serious.

Anorexia is not something you want. I know you have heard this before, and it probably goes in one ear and out the other at this point. I am not saying that you don't want to lose weight. You most likely do, that's why you're looking for proana, right? But what you don't want is a horrible mental disorder.
Proana, and by extension anorexia, is a lot like a cigarette. At first it seems like all fun and games. An easy way to "become cool" or to achieve some body ideal. You'll stop once you want to, right? I mean, it's just a cigarette, or just some unhealthy habits and ideas from the internet. You're in control, right?

That's exactly what I thought, too.

I became sick with anorexia at 16. I've hated my body since I was 10 and my gender dysphoria never helped it. I have a curvy body and I am trans masc, so you can just imagine how much I love myself. Wanna guess how I really got sick though? By spending time at the lovely proana side of twitter. It only took two weeks of that content to get me sucked into anorexia and be put onto the deadly rollercoaster of a destructive mental disorder.
It's not like I was horribly mentally ill at 16. In fact, I was doing pretty well. I was in a relationship with someone I loved, he loved me back, school was stressful but I had some good grades to show off, and my dysphoria was a bit lighter back then. I wasn't weak, per say. Not after all that I had been through in this bitch of a life.
Guess what? Still got sick. REALLY. REALLY SICK.

I lived the entire summer of 2020 counting calories and obsessively exercising. I cried every day over something related to anorexia, either my body was horrible or I had eaten too much. That didn't turn out well.
By the time my mom dragged me to the doctors and I got admitted to the eating disorder clinic my heart was barely beating. If it weren't for quarantine, I would've been taken inpatient against my own will. No questions asked.
Here's just a little list of what was up with me to give you an idea.

• Obviously, my BMI was dangerously low
• My heart rate was so low I was at risk of having my heart stop when I was sleeping
• I had severe hypotension
• My guts stopped working. Completely. I took laxatives to try to get things moving there but nothing happened
• Unfortunately for me I am biologically female, so of course I had to say byebye a gogo to my periods
• I had constant chest pains any time I got even slightly tired or hot
• I couldn't think at all. My head was incredibly cloudy and I remember NOTHING from the start of summer to early october that I didn't capture on photo or something
• My liver readings were abnormally high, and obviously I was deficient in pretty much every possible nutrient

Guess what. None of that made me love my body. None.
It isn't as simple as "just eat" either. I cried before, during, and after every meal I had.

I hope I got through you. No one is angry at you. If this did get through to you, please take my advice.

1. Please drop everything related to weight loss and dieting for the time being, at least anything related to such that is in your hands alone.
2. Seek medical support. If you're not overweight or at risk for diseases like heart disease, all you need is a psychologist. No one specific, just someone who works with psychology. If you are overweight or at risk, go see a doctor. Ask a medical professional about potential steps you should take to guarantee your health.
3. Take the medical professionals advice and continue visiting professionals for as long as necessary. If your doctor tells you to talk to a dietician, talk to a dietician (A real one, not some bs proana coach). If your psychologist suggests you to see a therapist, see a therapist.

I can't do much to help people, but I can offer a shoulder to cry on and some sound advice. If you need a buddy, I'll be here.

For moderators: I don't know what power moderators have on TWS, but you guys gotta do something about proana tags on this website. Your proana community is still small here, so it's far easier for you to do something about this before it gets horribly out of hand.
The tags you should be looking out for are proana, promia, thinspo and some others, if you need an ex-insiders help message me. Either delete these tags or somehow censor them. Theyre promoting horrible mental illness.

Take care.

This isn't even funny I seriously just wanna play f*cking minecraft or something not count how much of some hoes named Veeras debt is made of interest

Save me

Forgot context: This isn't a brag I genuinely can't stop without feeling bad ':DD

I thirst for Rotty :pensive: Honestly she can just stomp me dead idc corpse baby is hot
Anyway uh
Realism/Semirealism isn't my strong suit so I decided to practice it with my favorite spoiled brat
Honestly I couda done way better but I really dont care I was bored

I'll go first

I love designing characters right?
Somehow, every dad I design ends up looking like a... uh... dad one would like to find, if you get what I mean ':DD
This is so weird though cause I can't design guy characters for sh*t, especially attractive ones. Every dad just ends up hot though. Maybe it's because I have daddy issues.

Your turn~

@Trashyyyy Aaah sure! Ty! I gotta get my ass outside for a bit and Id like to finish counting what I started, is later okay? :3

I clumsily slip off the bus into the dusty morning. The streets are emptier than my lunchbox. The sun has just started rising, the light of the asscrack of dawn swallows me whole like a starving serpent.
It's the same path for me as ever: Downhill, under the pathetic excuse of a bridge, uphill, over the street and into the orchard of stupidity and loudness. I make damn sure to stop at the ""bridge"" to make sure the puddle is still there, present as ever. The puddle has earned the name of "radioactive waste" from me and my ex, it was here back when we were still dating. The fluorescent orange color calls me closer, telling me to take a sip.
I make it into the architectural diarrhea of the school, resisting the temptation of the slightly glorified pond of sewage. There is nothing for me to do but wander around the halls aimlessly until first period starts. The lecture starts at 8:30, its barely 7:20 right now. I haphazardly throw my backpack into my locker and shove it shut. A train passes my school, louder than the a-wing during lunch break. I stop for a second and truly enjoy the view of the dim halls, the railroad and the few sad trees growing outside.
It is truly monday, just like any other.

...
WELL AT LEAST IT WOULD BE IF IT WASN'T FOR FUCKING MISS RONA MAKING HER WORLD TOUR >:OO
Sorry Im bored

Update: THE PUDDLE HAS VANISHED ITS LITERALLY NOT THERE ANYMORE IM SO F SAD

@Barton Wish I could relate dude, it snowed today.

I hate exam week. I hate it beyond belief. Not because of all of the exams that I will inevitably fail and cry about, but because of the fact I have nothing to do. Everything I could've done to prepare for the various doomsdays has already been done. There are no new assignments popping up in classroom. No impending deadlines. The freedom is like a prison cell that I am desperate to get out of, back to the confinements of endless, mind numbing tasks.

Dreadful sunday. I sit at my laptop running in circles like a damn hamster. Open classroom, see that there are no tasks, close classroom. Open my school books, see that nothing new has popped up, close the various tabs I've opened. I check my school mail, but it's as empty as my schedule for today. I check if anything new has popped up in the student council chat, something I should be working on, preparing, but alas, there is nothing there. The last time anyone has spoken a word in there is last friday, and it was about what furniture we want to get into the student council room. Some couches would be nice. There are no couches in the school as of now. Or benches. Where the hell did they go?

Sorry for the rant ':DD
I guess I'll just go outside. I don't like taking walks when it's sunny but there is nothing else even slightly productive that I could be doing.
Take care! Have a good sunday!~

So high schools in Finland are going into hybrid. Basically the entire school is divided in two and the different groups take weekly turns in regular education and long distance. This week was supposed to be my first week in basic education, which put a ton of stress on me and my mom since, surprise surprise, my anorexic ass isn't allowed to regulate my meals at all!

AND I JUST GOT PERMISSION FROM THE FUCKING PRINCIPAL TO STAY IN LONG DISTANCE ON BASIS OF MY EATING DISORDER WOO!

(More context: My mom is in long distance too and she takes care of the whole eating stuff, including that I actually eat and don't just like throw away the food and act like I ate. If I were to go to school there would be no way to guarantee that I wouldn't just throw my food out to act like I ate. Plus, the only good way to get to school right now for me is a 30 minute bike ride, and Im not supposed to exercise a lot)

All Im asking yall to do is to go on the website picrew.me and design yourself
No need to make it realistic, just the way yall see yourselves
Maybe make each other too! That'd be fun

Anyway, heres me

So high schools in Finland are going into hybrid. Basically the entire school is divided in two and the different groups take weekly turns in regular education and long distance. This week was supposed to be my first week in basic education, which put a ton of stress on me and my mom since, surprise surprise, my anorexic ass isn't allowed to regulate my meals at all!

AND I JUST GOT PERMISSION FROM THE FUCKING PRINCIPAL TO STAY IN LONG DISTANCE ON BASIS OF MY EATING DISORDER WOO!

(More context: My mom is in long distance too and she takes care of the whole eating stuff, including that I actually eat and don't just like throw away the food and act like I ate. If I were to go to school there would be no way to guarantee that I wouldn't just throw my food out to act like I ate. Plus, the only good way to get to school right now for me is a 30 minute bike ride, and Im not supposed to exercise a lot)

TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder, anorexia, horrible medical stuff

Greetings
If youre opening this post youre either incredibly sick in the head or just curious about what Im going to say
If youre looking for proana content here, please stay and read this, I really do beg you.
If you are a moderator, read through this quickly, I have a message for you in the end of this post.
I know my account is mostly for shits and giggles but this is actually serious.

Anorexia is not something you want. I know you have heard this before, and it probably goes in one ear and out the other at this point. I am not saying that you don't want to lose weight. You most likely do, that's why you're looking for proana, right? But what you don't want is a horrible mental disorder.
Proana, and by extension anorexia, is a lot like a cigarette. At first it seems like all fun and games. An easy way to "become cool" or to achieve some body ideal. You'll stop once you want to, right? I mean, it's just a cigarette, or just some unhealthy habits and ideas from the internet. You're in control, right?

That's exactly what I thought, too.

I became sick with anorexia at 16. I've hated my body since I was 10 and my gender dysphoria never helped it. I have a curvy body and I am trans masc, so you can just imagine how much I love myself. Wanna guess how I really got sick though? By spending time at the lovely proana side of twitter. It only took two weeks of that content to get me sucked into anorexia and be put onto the deadly rollercoaster of a destructive mental disorder.
It's not like I was horribly mentally ill at 16. In fact, I was doing pretty well. I was in a relationship with someone I loved, he loved me back, school was stressful but I had some good grades to show off, and my dysphoria was a bit lighter back then. I wasn't weak, per say. Not after all that I had been through in this bitch of a life.
Guess what? Still got sick. REALLY. REALLY SICK.

I lived the entire summer of 2020 counting calories and obsessively exercising. I cried every day over something related to anorexia, either my body was horrible or I had eaten too much. That didn't turn out well.
By the time my mom dragged me to the doctors and I got admitted to the eating disorder clinic my heart was barely beating. If it weren't for quarantine, I would've been taken inpatient against my own will. No questions asked.
Here's just a little list of what was up with me to give you an idea.

• Obviously, my BMI was dangerously low
• My heart rate was so low I was at risk of having my heart stop when I was sleeping
• I had severe hypotension
• My guts stopped working. Completely. I took laxatives to try to get things moving there but nothing happened
• Unfortunately for me I am biologically female, so of course I had to say byebye a gogo to my periods
• I had constant chest pains any time I got even slightly tired or hot
• I couldn't think at all. My head was incredibly cloudy and I remember NOTHING from the start of summer to early october that I didn't capture on photo or something
• My liver readings were abnormally high, and obviously I was deficient in pretty much every possible nutrient

Guess what. None of that made me love my body. None.
It isn't as simple as "just eat" either. I cried before, during, and after every meal I had.

I hope I got through you. No one is angry at you. If this did get through to you, please take my advice.

1. Please drop everything related to weight loss and dieting for the time being, at least anything related to such that is in your hands alone.
2. Seek medical support. If you're not overweight or at risk for diseases like heart disease, all you need is a psychologist. No one specific, just someone who works with psychology. If you are overweight or at risk, go see a doctor. Ask a medical professional about potential steps you should take to guarantee your health.
3. Take the medical professionals advice and continue visiting professionals for as long as necessary. If your doctor tells you to talk to a dietician, talk to a dietician (A real one, not some bs proana coach). If your psychologist suggests you to see a therapist, see a therapist.

I can't do much to help people, but I can offer a shoulder to cry on and some sound advice. If you need a buddy, I'll be here.

For moderators: I don't know what power moderators have on TWS, but you guys gotta do something about proana tags on this website. Your proana community is still small here, so it's far easier for you to do something about this before it gets horribly out of hand.
The tags you should be looking out for are proana, promia, thinspo and some others, if you need an ex-insiders help message me. Either delete these tags or somehow censor them. Theyre promoting horrible mental illness.

Take care.

I hate exam week. I hate it beyond belief. Not because of all of the exams that I will inevitably fail and cry about, but because of the fact I have nothing to do. Everything I could've done to prepare for the various doomsdays has already been done. There are no new assignments popping up in classroom. No impending deadlines. The freedom is like a prison cell that I am desperate to get out of, back to the confinements of endless, mind numbing tasks.

Dreadful sunday. I sit at my laptop running in circles like a damn hamster. Open classroom, see that there are no tasks, close classroom. Open my school books, see that nothing new has popped up, close the various tabs I've opened. I check my school mail, but it's as empty as my schedule for today. I check if anything new has popped up in the student council chat, something I should be working on, preparing, but alas, there is nothing there. The last time anyone has spoken a word in there is last friday, and it was about what furniture we want to get into the student council room. Some couches would be nice. There are no couches in the school as of now. Or benches. Where the hell did they go?

Sorry for the rant ':DD
I guess I'll just go outside. I don't like taking walks when it's sunny but there is nothing else even slightly productive that I could be doing.
Take care! Have a good sunday!~

Can we pretend that <characters> in the <god damn google docs essay I am writing> are <characters without spaces>
I could really use a <4500 characters without spaces> right now, <4500 characters without spaces> right now, <4500 characters without spaces> right now.

(Translation for image: 3388 characters, 2986 characters (without spaces))

@Barton Wish I could relate dude, it snowed today.

Sup!
I'm taking a little break off my essay. Just wondering, how is your saturday so far? What's on your mind?

Me and my ex hung out yesterday after I helped at some filming thingy happening at my school. I was just a background character, haha. My ex introduced me to his new dog and let me pet his(ex', not the dogs) hair. Obviously, masks stayed on. I liked it, it was so soft. He doesn't have a f*cking hairbrush though, but he had no tangles in his hair until I messed it all up. My hair is surprisingly the shortest it has ever been and I still get tangles :I I'm jelly. Very.
I miss the forest. After living there for months because of miss rona I kind of got used to it. The city just doesn't do it for me anymore, so I'm kind of living in a melancholic limbo rn.

Anyway, enough rambling. How is this saturday for you?

I thirst for Rotty :pensive: Honestly she can just stomp me dead idc corpse baby is hot
Anyway uh
Realism/Semirealism isn't my strong suit so I decided to practice it with my favorite spoiled brat
Honestly I couda done way better but I really dont care I was bored

Im here to annoucne my death on the 7th of April 2021
Maht exam I have
Russian parents, my are
die, I will
hihihi

I clumsily slip off the bus into the dusty morning. The streets are emptier than my lunchbox. The sun has just started rising, the light of the asscrack of dawn swallows me whole like a starving serpent.
It's the same path for me as ever: Downhill, under the pathetic excuse of a bridge, uphill, over the street and into the orchard of stupidity and loudness. I make damn sure to stop at the ""bridge"" to make sure the puddle is still there, present as ever. The puddle has earned the name of "radioactive waste" from me and my ex, it was here back when we were still dating. The fluorescent orange color calls me closer, telling me to take a sip.
I make it into the architectural diarrhea of the school, resisting the temptation of the slightly glorified pond of sewage. There is nothing for me to do but wander around the halls aimlessly until first period starts. The lecture starts at 8:30, its barely 7:20 right now. I haphazardly throw my backpack into my locker and shove it shut. A train passes my school, louder than the a-wing during lunch break. I stop for a second and truly enjoy the view of the dim halls, the railroad and the few sad trees growing outside.
It is truly monday, just like any other.

...
WELL AT LEAST IT WOULD BE IF IT WASN'T FOR FUCKING MISS RONA MAKING HER WORLD TOUR >:OO
Sorry Im bored

Update: THE PUDDLE HAS VANISHED ITS LITERALLY NOT THERE ANYMORE IM SO F SAD